Oh hey, just getting ready to call it quits after being up for the past 80 hours so I thought I’d wrap it up and post this podcast about Crystal Meth. Its been a while so I thought I’d dip my toe back into the madness of getting spun. Last time around it was more meth sex talk but this time around I’m exploring more of the tips, tricks & travails of the meth users landscape. And what bette place to do that than Drugs-Forum.
Looking for a real contrast in the “Faces of Meth” poster on this one. Yes, I know its an amazingly terrible image.
I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode and that it doesn’t make you want to try Crystal Meth. Because as glamorous as it is, I just don’t think you have what it takes to be that cool. Wait… You are totally cool enough! Go for it!
HEY WHILE YOU’RE HERE! Consider these awesome Crystal Meth related Holiday Gifts!
Look, I know this topic is probably going to split my listenership into two groups. Those who love animals and those who love animals for their hot wet love holes. Well, now that you’re in your two separate groups I expect you to fight to the death! Well, maybe before you do that you should listen to this episode of the podcast. You may come away from this one coming to terms with your deeply buried need to bury your needs into your companion animals. (I know… it’s gross…)
Ok, so this episode has me sorry on several fronts. First off I’m sorry that it took me so lont to come out with it. As I mentioned on the Facebook page I had some family related health news that has took the wind out of my sails. More about that in the podcast. Secondly I’m sorry because this episode is really one-note-y. I decided to revisit the Tea Party Nation because last time it was a nice assortment of mixed wingnuts. Lots of different stuff to read about. By the time I was 20 minutes into recording I realized that there was almost no variety in the topics. In an election year everyone on that site has one common mission. Defeat Bolak Blaramo. Oh believe me, they will!Or at least something like that. Its been a while since I dipped myself into this side of the political pool. I always find it fascinating and yet horrifying all at the same time. I don’t want to spoil it too much but suffice it to say… these people are very scared and very angry about the world and there is only one thing that will make them happy… Actually I have no idea what would make them happy. Probably nothing short of a magic bomb that makes everything back the way it was in the 1950’s… Good luck with that! It would help if the GOP weren’t complete obstructionists, too but you do what you can.
Are you feeling drained? It might be because someone nearby is not what they seem… YOU MAY BE UNDER ENERGY DRAIN ATTACK RIGHT NOW! No, its not just you didn’t get enough sleep or you’re bored. Its you, under energy drain attack by a vampire… right now! Don't worry. This won't turn you into a vampire... nothing will.
Don’t worry, though. According to this forum, vampires aren’t really trying to kill you. They are just born with some kind of unexplained deficiency that can only be helped by leeching energy from humans. Some of them need blood. But don’t worry, they don’t bite you for it. Apparently they ask you for it and they have to make sure you don’t have ant diseases first. Energy vamps appear to just sort of drain you and apparently, even if there were like 20 of them, all draining you at the same time, it still wouldn’t kill you. So… yeah. Anyway… this episode is about these people so get ready to learn more than you ever wanted to about this nonsense.
ALSO RELEVANT! As it so happens this weeks Comedy Bang Bang featured a poem about vampires.
I know this episode will seem short but let me tell you that recording it felt like it took forever. Not sure why. Anyway, this time around I’m reading peoples tales of what they consider to be Soul Crushing times in their lives. Some of these stories you’ll probably say, “Seriously? That crushed you? Get a life!” but I’ll bet some of them make you go, “Ugh… how awful…” Unless you are an emotionless automaton… You aren’t… are you?
I apologize in advance for the incredibly annoying fuzzed out sound in this episode. Once again my recording was plagued with tech problems. My brand new Yeti Pro mic by Blue Microphones appears to have shit the bed and made this episodes fuzzed out sound. So it looks like I’ll be sending it back… Really a bummer. I hope it isn’t too hard to listen to… I’m actually really bummed about it. I won’t say it was soul crushing moment though. That’s a bit much.
Lou Reads podcast is not responsible for any demons you may invite into your lives by listening to this podcast. Any hauntings, spookings or phantasasmings that may occur post-listening are totally not my fault and are probably a coincidence…
How can you NOT see the demon in this photo?!?!
Ok, The Unexplained Mysteries Forum was an interesting place to read from. Why? Because there seem to be just as many rational people on the forum as there are kooks. So instead of the usual “Full Buy In” user who adamantly believes what most people are posting there seems to be a healthy amount of skepticism going on which made it fun to read, too.
As promised here are the haunted voice mails that are mentioned near the end of the podcast.
DID YOU SEE ME? This is the one where he claims that people when he wasn’t in the house himself saw an apparition. Then a voicemail was left saying “Did you see me?” SPOOKY!!! Or not…
There are too many to post on the blog but if you want to scare yourself bored please go ahead and listen to this nonsense that Para2011 posted on his Soundcloud page.
Thanks for listening! I hope you didn’t get too scared by the all the mysteries!
Sorry for the delay in podcasting the dumbness. I’ve been socked with a ton of distractions. I’d had a bunch of paying Voice Over work, School is back in session and I’ve been losing sleep on the Live Show!
Insomnia? Yeah, gimme a double dose!
Just checked the Advance Ticket sales for the show. 5 brave people have pre-bought their $5 tickets to this life changing event! I assuming the rest of your are just going to roll the dice and push through the throng. I predict a bloodbath.
As an extra enticement the next episode of Lou Reads will be recorded based on a poll decided by the audience of the live show! Come cast your vote to make me read something truly amazing/awful/racist or something… mysterious!
Also I will probably be giving out posters and perhaps even hand-made adult magnets! Depends on how cool I think you are… I’m a pretty tough judge on coolness. Tough but fair.
Whattup Cuzzin? You heard about the forum where people in gangs can get together to shoot the shit about gang related topics? Oh, you ain’t? It’s called The Hood Up and its a place where you can kick back, relax and have a discussion with gang members all across the country. When do I get to see myself? Where is the mirror?
Well, good luck with this episode of Lou Reads. It’s all crazy gang talk. I’m not exaggerating when I say this was a hard one to read. Not because of the contents offensiveness but just because the slang and spelling were so crazy that I kept tripping up. I hope it you enjoy it! If you do, you can join my gang! Why didn't we bring our Gang sweaters...
Editorial note: There are no recipes on the site unless you count the recipe for Sugar Butt… You’ll know what I am talking out soon enough…
Oh Brother… Where to begin… My understanding of the “Tea Party” is that it was started to express outrage at Government spending and taxation deemed out of control. Why this only popped up once Obama was in office and not during the Bush years when the spending was out of control is beyond me. Please don’t suggest its because he’s black. THAT WOULD BE CRAZY!
Yes, I hate American so much I want to be in charge of its demise!
Anyway, so there are a lot of these forums out in sigh-berspace but I chose this one for no particular reason. Its full of the usual nonsense that you find on the White Power sites. Especially sad is their constant pining for the “good old days” which are invariably the 1950’s & 60’s. Equally sad is the seemingly endless amount this junk is driven by religious dogma and just the same flailing to hold onto a bygone way of life. All this culminates in the most delicious nonsensical rage possible.
Here's the "Real" Truth: You Need A Therapist.
Enough dissecting this nonsense. Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the Forums of Tea Party Nation…
Bonus material:Â I had to join this horrible Tea Party site for the next episode of my podcast. This lady sent me a video with the following message:
I’m new to TPN so I thought I would start trying to get to know like-minded folks on here. A friend of mine, who’s a comedienne, and I are “underground” Conservatives in Hollywood…that can be a real treat as I’m sure you can imagine! Nice to e-meet you! If you’re on Facebook as well, check out The Right View Undercover and if you’d like to have a laugh, here’s our video we shot at a Union march/rally downtown LA!
Well… maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just being a prude. Maybe I should take a look at myself and as myself the tough question of, “Why am I not comfortable reading about the proper use of semen ice cubes?” I mean, I bet if I went to a shrink they’d probably ask me the same thing. So in a way this is like a free therapy session for you. When you stop crying you can thank me.
Just in case you were concerned about your semen output volume...
One last note: At no time should you become aroused when you are listening to this episode of Lou Reads. Specifically not aroused by the subject matter discussed. If you are aroused by an external stimuli then I can’t fault you for that. However, this particular episodes kinks are just kinda over the top gross. So quit getting all hot and bothered by it. At least around me…
