Non-Offensive – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads ep 174 – The Forums of Prison Talk

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Have you considered marrying a man who you’ve only known through a pen pal connection? In this age of swiping right or left to instantly connect with someone, you can still find some people who are meeting people like it’s 1980 or something! Prison Talk is a forum for the loved ones of people who are somewhere within the prison system of the United States. It’s a support group for those looking to commiserate with others in the same misery boat.

I’d have to hear a list of your bad choices before I’m ready to confirm this but for now I’ll say okay…

This episode is a departure from the typical grossness and stupidity that I sometimes deal in. There is a lot of head scratching behavior on there, to be sure. But it’s a small glimpse into the world of those, mainly women, who are dealing with a life where revolving door incarceration is the norm. There is no guarantee that they’ll ever actually meet the people they are writing to in person. Or worse that if they do get out of prison there is the chance that they aren’t who they say they are…

I hope you enjoy it.

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Lou Reads ep165 – I Put a Love Spell on YOU! Because You’re Mine! Thanks, Ashra.Net

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So… I just wanted you to know that when we broke up I kind of went a little crazy. I was pretty upset and I decided that since we’re soulmates and fated to be together I would speed up our eventual reconciliation by paying real money for a love spell to bring you back to me. I also paid for spell to make your new relationships not work. See, by making sure you couldn’t find happiness with another person it totally made you come back to me in a completely natural way!

So this month’s episode is a reading from the forums of Ashra.net. I was surprised to find that a single spell-caster had her own fairly active forum dedicated almost 100% to discussion about her and how great she is. I was also surprised to discover how many folks out there are willing to spend money on love spells. It’s been a while since I visited the forums of Lucky Mojo and had kind of forgotten about this world of sad people who believe in spells affecting their romantic targets. I mean… they don’t really work… right? Anyway, get ready to hear a lot of praise for this lady! Enjoy.

Lou Reads ep158 Conspiracy Madness from the Let’s Roll Forums

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This podcast is an obvious tool of the MSM (mainstream media) to help perpetrate a fraud on the people of the Earth. I mean, you can hear that the “human” who is reading these posts is clearly either an A.I. approximation of a human designed to trick normals or an MK-Ultra brainwashed dupe. I feel sorry for the sheeple who listen to this and come out believing that contrails aren’t poisoning the earth for real or that the Boston Marathon bombing was real and not a big hoax. All I can say is, if someone comes for my guns… I’ll be sad… But at least then I’ll be right, for once!

I know a guy who said he knows a guy who knows Alex Jones and he said Alex Jones never said this. So who said it? Obviously the Mossad!

Hey, folks. This month I’m reading from the Let’s Roll Forums. Obviously, that is a reference to the words of the people who fought back against the hijackers on 9/11 and not a reference to them loving Katamari Damacy. The Let’s Roll Forums are a one-stop-shop for all your crockpot conspiracy theories. From 9/11 to Sandy Hook and beyond. No tragedy is so real that it’s above not being real at all. And just like that sentence, none of it makes sense. So, if you like to get worked up into a lather about stuff then this is the place for you! Won’t you please enjoy listening to the heartfelt weirdness of the Let’s Roll Forums.

Lou Reads Episode 152 – Alien Abduction Forums

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I remember when I was a growing up as a kid there were two distinct periods when alien encounters & alien abduction were all the rage. There were shows in the 70’s like “Project Blue Book” and the classic “Alien Autopsy” film that was all the rage in the 90’s. My whole life I was into shows like The X Files & My favorite Martian or even the classic movies likeAlien! What I’m saying is that aliens from outer space are great entertainment! That is, unless they are visiting you in the middle of the night to do weird experiments on you while you’re sleeping! That hardly seems fair or necessary. And yet our alien visitors continue to come to earth to torture & probe & experiment on us while we sleep. Surely they should use all their superior technology to make the earth a better place to live! But no, it turns out that aliens aren’t like My Favorite Martian after all. They are night visiting, paralyzing, sample taking assholes.

Mondays, am I right? These fucking star people... What a bunch of assholes. — Mondays, am I right? These fucking star people… What a bunch of assholes.

I hope you’ll enjoy listening to these discussions from the forums of the Alien Abduction Help. Are these people for real? Well, judging by the responses on this forum that these people believe not only in aliens but a whole host of conspiracies and mystical things. Also, judging by the low amounts of traffic on this website I’d say that the current level of global interest in alien abductions is pretty much zero. As always, thanks for listening! Be sure to rate the show on iTunes & wherever podcasts can be rated!

As mentioned on the episode: THE STORY OF THE ALIENS OF EL YUNQUE

Elder HunbatZ Men meets the Crystal Skull from Brazil

Meditation guide by Bonnie

Lou Reads ep151 – Mermaid Talk from the MerNetwork

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What’s the matter? You look like you came down with a case of fin rot! Come on you can share your feelings with me. Catfish got your tongue? Ok, well you don’t have to tell me what your deal is but if you feel like talking about it I recommend checking out the forums of The MerNetwork.

This photo didn't even come close to making me reconsider anything besides getting on the internet today... — This photo didn’t even come close to making me reconsider anything besides getting on the internet today…

This episode is all about the wonderful world of the MerMaiding community. I’ll bet you thought it was all about people who wish they were really MerMaids or debate the possibility of there being REAL mermaids in the depths of the ocean. Nope, it’s just some folks talking about dressing up like a half-fish and flopping around in pools. I’ll bet you feel like a real asshole now. Serves you right. Enjoy!

Lou Reads episode 141 – Tales of Troll Dads from Reddit

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I’m a dad. This topic is close to my heart because giving my kids a hard time in a fun & friendly way is one of the funnest things I get to do on a daily basis. In this episode of Lou Reads I once again delved back into the posts of Reddit to find tales of dads trolling. I hope you enjoy listening to these stories shared by the victims of fatherly mind-fuckery as much as I enjoyed reading them.

Lou Reads About How To Fight Demons

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How to fight demons? Its the question on everyones mind. Well at least the inquiring minds of the wordpress blog knows as Heal the Land. They have a lot of super helpful posts about how to prepare for spiritual warfare, how to expel demons & other super helpful demon related advice.

Well, as you might imagine this argument devolves into bickering and nonsense but I thought it was amusing enough to read. Sadly no ones questions really get answered. Are Freemasons a harmless club or Luciferian based cabal? Can you fight demons by typing words into your keyboard? How can that one lady stop the demons from making her cough? Demons, I condemn thee with this bottle of Robotussin DM!

Enjoy!

Lou Reads about Sucky Christmas Presents from the Something Awful Forums

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“Look, its not that I didn’t like what you bought for, per se. It’s more that your choice of gift shows me that you don’t know me at all and its making me sad.” If you’ve thought something like this at Christmas then this is the podcast episode for you! Won’t you join me as I read from the collected sharings of the Something Awful community in a thread about times they received sucky presents for the Holidays. If this all sounds familiar it may because I did a similar episode about Terrible Xmas Presents in 2010. Look, it was two years ago… Lets hope that was enough time!

Here you go, Fatty. Stop being such a whiny bitch & read these self-help books. Merry Christmas, Asshole.

As promised here is that video that was linked in the original post.

Lou’s Top 10 XMAS Countdown from Something Awful’s Goon Made Christmas Music

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Hey! Hanukka is almost over (or over I can’t remember) and its almost Christmas! The guys over at the Something Awful forums have been working super hard on their 4th annual Christmas music collection. I took it upon myself to fire up the Garageband and make a top 10 countdown. There were 87 songs to choose from and it was actually hard to pick 10 but I did it, you guys. There were some great bad songs made! As you may have seen on the Facebook Page I threw my hat into the ring for a couple of holiday classics. Please forgive this diversion from the usual forum nonsense and enjoy a lovely jumble of holiday awfulness. More forumsy goodness is just around the corner!

You can download the whole collection of 87 songs here

Peace on Earth Through Total Annihilation - GLASS THE EARTH! — Peace on Earth Through Total Annihilation – GLASS THE EARTH!

And remember if you haven’t finished your holiday shopping & you’re planning on buying stuff at Amazon you can help Lou Reads out by shopping via THIS HANDY LINK! Thank you!

If you want to hear all the Something Awful Christmas music ever made then check out https://saxmas.robotcousin.com/