Category: Educational

Lou Reads about Sucky Customers and the Sucks who Serve them at CustomersSuck.com

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You know… I once thought that everyone who has a job loves the job and is grateful for the customers who come in and make that job possible. Oh, what a dreamer I was. Full of grand ideas about how the world worked and free trade economic policies…

If more customers did this then I could understand why people felt so angry towards them. Of course if you did the opposite no one would shop at your store. Classic Catch 22....

Then I got a job and realized that customers, for the most part, kind of suck. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I am a customer, too. I try really hard not be a bad customer. I don’t haggle, I don’t smell, I don’t do any of the things people on this forum complain about. I AM THE PERFECT CUSTOMER! Oh wait, I do the thing where I come in and get all the info then buy online… crap… I got too full of myself… and now I’ve paid the price for my hubris… I apologize. Look, my shift is almost over so if you don’t mind I’m just going to shut the register down and get some Dunkin Donuts and go home and cry…

While you imagine me crying and eating glazed donuts (such salty sweetness) won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads from the forums of Customers Suck dot com


Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates

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Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am out of here unless you move out then I wouldn’t mind taking over your room…

Photo illustration by Tyler Metcalfe/The Daily
Do you mind if I practice my guitar while you sleep?

Bad roommates are like a test from the universe. My question is what do bad roommates get out of living with good roommates? I mean besides living like the filthy inconsiderate bastards they are without consequence, of course. Now, I’ll admit that in my life I’ve been a bad roommate at times. Mainly due to my extremely privileged upbringing where I was taught that I am better than most people. I’ll just say that I’m glad that the internet was not a huge deal when I was in college or surely my name would have been in this podcast, too!

I just stand by the fact that no matter how bad I was as roommate I was never as bad as the infamous “Fecal Lasagna” Roommate.

For the record making a bathtub full of poop and newspapers does make you a bad roommate.

Thanks to the Something Awful goons for all their tales of roommate woe!


Lou’s Latest Mac Tip (Video)

Howdy podcast fans and people who come here through image search. I hope you’re having a great day. He’s something to put a cherry on top of that sundae of a day you’re bound to have today. It’s my latest Mac Tips video. I hope you’ll enjoy following and learning along. You probably won’t learn anything, actually…


Lou Reads Anonymous Confessions from GroupHug.us

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Hey, have I ever told you this horrible secret that I have? No? Oh right, that’s because it’s a terrible horrible secret that I can never share with anyone I know! Or at least thats what I thought until I came across the site known as GroupHug.us!

I ATE THE LAST DONUT

Much like a FML website its a place for people to drop their gems of personal confessions. Some are short, some are long, some are painfully honest and some are just stupid bullshit thought up by jerks. To me  that makes it a mixed bag of internet wonder!

Won’t you join me in shaking my head in amazement at this short assortment of crazy confessions.


Lou Reads: The Magic Cafe Forums! Magical Topics for Wielders of Evil Forces

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I’m sure there is one thing we can all agree on and that is that “Magic” is an evil and deceptive art sent by the devil to convince us that coins were up our noses or that there is an super long stream of hankies somewhere in our ears that ends in some spotted boxer shorts. The Devil’s work I tell you!

Sorry, Lucifer, it was the 3 of Clubs. Better luck next time!

At least thats what I believed until I discovered The Magic Cafe and it’s sub forum for Christian Magicians. They showed me how you CAN do magic in the name of HIM who is HE who is GOOD and LIVING and LOVING and all the other words used to attribute emotions to imaginary stuff. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy listening to the mildly mind numbing discussions of how to do magic as a good Christian magician. Fasten your seatbelts! It’s about to get…. something!!!


Lou Reads: All About Marrying the Russian Girl of Your (Bad) Dreams

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A wise man once said, “To make a family in America you marry a woman. In Russia, WOMAN MARRIES YOU!”

Russian Skank!
Thank you for bring me your country. Now, how you say, I marry good Russian boy.

Man, its times like these when I am glad I married me an American lady. Sure, I know they are hard to deal with. What with their nagging and their “Why do you spend all your time doing that podcast for no money?” and their “stop cursing in front of my mom” and their “I can’t breathe when you stand on my windpipe.” Its not all wine and roses. But at least its not what these guys have going on. These guys want anything but an American girl. I’d say they want someone who they imagine isn’t corrupted by the temptations of the West. Little do they realize that they aren’t corrupted because they aren’t here yet! I mean if they think meeting American hot babes is hard at least they aren’t traveling around the globe to a meet a chick who barely speaks English. THAT sounds hard. But whatever. Just listen to the podcast already, tovarich. Dasvidaniya!

Now you too can waste all your time pursuing fruitless long distance relationships!


Lou Reads: Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs-Forum

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Just Let Me Stick One Shard Up There... Please?

Hey Guys! What? You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been up for a week. What? Oh yeah, I got a hold of some really great Crystal Meth. What? No… Its not addictive! Whatever! I can quit whenever I run out and can’t find anyone to rob or have sex with for money. So… do you want to have sex for money? Okay, okay. No need to get all angry about it. Sheesh! Okay… what if I do a podcast about Crystal Meth and all the really great ways to have sex or re-use your urine while on it? Okay! Now we’re talking! Well you’re in luck because I already did a podcast about just that very thing from the forums at Drugs-Forum. Its actually a very informative forum as well as being a great source for unintended hilariousness. So won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs Forum!

I Have $15 Dollars...

This is not a picture of me…

Lou Reads about Past Lives and Reincarnation!

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What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. Yeah, thats right, being a one month old fetus and remembering what it was like. None of it makes any sense. But that doesn’t stop these lovely people from sharing their craziness and luckily for them there is a place like Child Past Lives to do it in.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this bottomless pit of bizarre jibber jabber. I barely scratched the surface!


Lou Reads: Tales of Being Bullied from Ebaum Nation Forums

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This is the mating call of the Bully.

What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m talking you. You reading this. I said “What the fuck are you listening to??” Oh, wait… the first time I said looking at… Sorry… its just that I used to be a Bully. But now I seek help with my issue by going to forums and reading about how my victims growing up lament the experience. I had assumed that it was a co-dependent experience not just a one sided sado-masochistic display of violence. And I gotta tell you it turns me on… Well, I said I’m working on it. Anyway, this weeks podcast is comprised solely of tales of teen woe and bullying from the members of Ebaum Nation Forum. I hope you find it entertaining. I know reading it made me laugh!

Don't Attract The Bullies Attention. Let Her Take the Damage...

Won’t you please enjoy the latest episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Episode 52: Tales of Being Bullied.


Lou Reads about Vampire Awakenings from Sanguinarius

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Pity the poor misunderstood vampire! How they must suffer the slings and arrows of the normal world… Okay, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I think people who think they are vampires are retarded. I can understand the idea of playing a role when you get to that awkward “Where do I belong” part of your life but this is just dumb. Basically I found a website that lists the best stories of Vampires realizing they are what they are and they are not at all just normal sad teens looking for a reason they are different. Maybe at one time they would have been considered punks or goths… But no. Instead they are somehow forever cursed vampires who just happen to be teens that are getting older. What… EVER…

Get Ready to Be Lame for Eternity!

Okay… In all seriousness, if you are a recently awakened vampire then please go out an buy this book. The New Vampire’s Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night. It could be the difference between a life of running from the Hunters and one of regular teenage nerd stuff!

In honor of the dearly departed Wesley Willis…