Crackpots – Page 6 – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads Ladyboy Pattay Forum

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Who hasn’t been intrigued by the mysteries of the Third Sex. Of course I’m talking about those mysterious, curvy women whose panties conceal a hidden wang. Oh the allure of the being with a woman whose big old shlong you go down on and have enter you. Why wouldn’t everyone prefer that? What’s that you say? Oh, hardly anyone is into this? Huh.. well go figure….

These dudes will probably fuck you... If you're into that kind of thing... — These dudes will probably fuck you… If you’re into that kind of thing…

So this episode I went to the forums of the Pattaya Ladyboys Forum. It’s a place where men who love woMEN from all of the globe get together to talk about their unusual obsession. I’ll admit that in reading this forum I saw A LOT of naked ladyboys. You know what? Some of them really look like chicks until your eyes wander low enough to see their big old dongs. If you are into that… I guess I’m glad there is a place for you go and talk to other weirds about it. No judgements… (weird).

Lou Reads from the Forums of Dick Flash

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Hey, you! Check this out! Nope. Lower… lower… yup! Thats my self-esteem! Oh you thought I was trying to show you my dick? Well, since its out you might as well look at it, too. Feel free to not be impressed.

PLEASE RECOGNIZE ME AS A SEXUAL BEING!!!

Ok, so this is a forum where people who are titillated by exposing their junk to unwitting people. Is it sad? Yeah. Are they hurting anyone with their surprise dong exposures? Not physically… but mentally, probably. Well, whatever you think about these unwanted dong viewings this forum serves as a place for guys (and according to the site, girls) to get together and share tips & tricks on how to trick people into seeing their tips… get it? Oh boy, I am way to proud of that joke… Anyway, without further ado, won’t you please enjoy episode 108 of Lou Reads the Internet for you!

Lou Reads from the Forums at FantasyFeeder.com

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Thats right, its time to loosen your belt, unbutton your pants and cram just a little more podcast into your fat earholes! Come on, you can do it. Just have someone rub your ears while you’re listening to make sure you take it all in…

Oh boy, who wouldn't want to get in on all that action! Especially if you're a doctor! A GOLD MINE OF HEALTH ISSUES! — Oh boy, who wouldn’t want to get in on all that action! Especially if you’re a doctor! A GOLD MINE OF HEALTH ISSUES!

So this episode I read from a forum called Fantasy Feeder. Its a site that revels the in joys of obesity. How refreshing in this age of soda bans & “healthy” eating to find a site where people dream of weighing so much they are immobile. What luxury! Of course on the other hand these people have some bizarro ideas of whats sexy which is what fetishes are all about. So open that bag of Cool Ranch Tacos from Taco Bell and grab another milk shake and start your way down the path to super sexy flab!

Lou Reads from the Forums of DarkFetish.Net – Home of the Cannibal Cop and Friends

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I have to admit, I was getting ready to record something different this week. I was pretty content with my subject. Then something happened. I read a story about the police officer they were calling The Cannibal Cop. The story mentioned that he was on a forum where he and his fellow cannibalism fantasizers hung out and chatted about how awesome it would be to kill and eat people. Unfortunately for this cop his wife found his posts specifically talking about eating her and she called the cops. Luckily for us that story mentioned the forum he hung out at. Unfortunately for me I went there and read from it… for YOU!

Yup, Thats right... So the inference here is that this sad looking girl was kept as a slave, tortured to death and then had her vagina put in a jar as a trophy. Thats normal to think about, right? I mean the photo positioning is pretty hilarious but WTF. — Yup, Thats right… So the inference here is that this sad looking girl was kept as a slave, tortured to death and then had her vagina put in a jar as a trophy. Thats normal to think about, right? I mean the photo positioning is pretty hilarious but WTF.

To be fair this is only one of the many websites the cannibal cop went to but I’m sure you’ll agree this one is enough for now… Right? I’m not sure if enjoy is the right thing to say here… Good luck!

Lou Reads from Fist Forum. All Your Fisting Needs and More!

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The day is finally here! The day I do an episode that is entirely about fisting! I know you thought the day would never come but I finally worked up the courage to push past the tight ring of my resistance to this topic and punch fist my way to the fantastic forums at fistforum.com. If you’re thinking about getting into fisting this is definitely the place to go as you’ll soon see. And you will see… well… you’ll see A LOT of stretched orifices and fists… mainly…

Exactly like this except in your ass... — Fisting is exactly like this except the fist goes in your ass or vagina… you’re welcome.

Sooo…. yeah. Fisting… get ready to bear down and take it all deep in your ear holes. Whatever… ENJOY!

Lou Reads from the Forums of Survivalist Boards – MY GUNS! MY RIGHTS! OY VEY!

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Look, we can’t talk here. Obviously, things have been set in motion. The recent events, Sandy Hook, Bengazi, Time Warner Triple-Play, Twinkies, the Super Bowl halftime show and others too obvious to keep listing have set in motion the end of society. So if you’re not a sheeple you need to get your ass to the forums at Survivalist Boards and start getting your Bug Out Location squared away. You know when the SHTF all the unprepared societal leeches in your circle of doomed friends are going to come banging at your door to save them from themselves or from the government. The government they voted for! HA!

Also the work camps & the nuclear wars & the liberal black jews & food scares & peak oil... so many things!!! — Also the work camps & the nuclear wars & the liberal black jews & food scares & peak oil… so many things to be afraid of!!!

I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! It was hard to pick what to read from here because it was so full of interesting takes on the world. I hope for our sake these guys are really, really completely wrong about the world. Still, part of me hopes they’re right just because they are obviously really, really hoping things fall apart. I’m sure it would feel great to be SO right about things… once.

Lou Reads About How To Fight Demons

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How to fight demons? Its the question on everyones mind. Well at least the inquiring minds of the wordpress blog knows as Heal the Land. They have a lot of super helpful posts about how to prepare for spiritual warfare, how to expel demons & other super helpful demon related advice.

Well, as you might imagine this argument devolves into bickering and nonsense but I thought it was amusing enough to read. Sadly no ones questions really get answered. Are Freemasons a harmless club or Luciferian based cabal? Can you fight demons by typing words into your keyboard? How can that one lady stop the demons from making her cough? Demons, I condemn thee with this bottle of Robotussin DM!

Enjoy!

Lou Reads about Sucky Christmas Presents from the Something Awful Forums

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“Look, its not that I didn’t like what you bought for, per se. It’s more that your choice of gift shows me that you don’t know me at all and its making me sad.” If you’ve thought something like this at Christmas then this is the podcast episode for you! Won’t you join me as I read from the collected sharings of the Something Awful community in a thread about times they received sucky presents for the Holidays. If this all sounds familiar it may because I did a similar episode about Terrible Xmas Presents in 2010. Look, it was two years ago… Lets hope that was enough time!

Here you go, Fatty. Stop being such a whiny bitch & read these self-help books. Merry Christmas, Asshole.

As promised here is that video that was linked in the original post.

Lou Reads about Dragon Dildos from the Forums of Bad Dragon

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Honey, I know you’ve been complaining about being bored with our sex life. Now, I’m not comfortable with your suggestion that we invite another man into the bedroom. However I was thinking that you might be open to inviting a giant fantasy dildo instead. I already spent the money soooo…. Merry Christmas!

dragon-penis-xmas — Hasbro had a big recall on this one…

So here we are at the big 100. *Shrug* I hope you enjoyed it! This forum is great because for such a silly product it has some really friendly and enthusiastic customers. I recall when Something Awful discovered Bad Dragon the owner joined SA to talk to people and actually was soliciting the forum members for dildo designs before being banned. Seemed nice enough. You know, for a guy who earns a living making fantasy dildos. Who am I to judge. Who says I am? I’m just reading here. Get off my case.

Oh by the way, here is the baby jesus dildo I mentioned in the epilogue. And here is the magic health tea. It really did help.

Lou Reads Extrasode from Ponychan. How My Little Pony Helped a Man Confront His Abusive Step-Father

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You may remember when I read from the forums of the Bronies way back in March of 2011. Well you may have missed this extrasode that was posted on the blog. This story was not from the forum but another site called Pony Chan and involves a person using My Little Pony to help them through a tough time.

76b55d23386eec7d475aa58ba96afb3b — My thoughts exactly. No judgements…

A listener told me they actually met the author of this story in person at some Brony meet-up… I don’t recall if they told them I had read it online but whoa! Small world.