Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! – Page 8 – Giving Voice to the Things You Didn't Want to Hear About

Lou Reads ep126 – Squat the Planet: Advice for the Homeless by the Homeless

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Hey man, can you spare any change? Spare anything? Even a smile helps. Also a lot of drugs to help me forget I beg for a living and sleep on the streets would help more than a smile. I’m just being honest.

This is what most of the signs mean anyway.

So this episode is about the worldful world of gutterpunks, crusties, hobos, bums or whatever you want to call this nations wandering house-less people. It is amazing, and yet unsurprising, that the homeless have such ready access to the site known as Squat The Planet. But just because they are roaming the world rudderless doesn’t mean they don’t want to have a place to have stupid discussions and share their best criminal practices! Won’t you please enjoy this sampling of nonsense from the pages of StP.

Lou Reads ep125 – Porn Fan Chats from Brazzers Forum

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Look, I love porn. I am a man. I have a sad addiction to watching people who are better at sex than me go at it for unrealistic lengths of time. I love to be reminded of the average to subaverageness of my man parts and that my testicles don’t contain massive amounts of semen (aka pina colada mix). Thats why I go the forums at BrazzerForum.com to complain and compliment my favorite porn stars! Or, I would if I was one of the people who are actually registered on there.

This is how I imagine everyone is listening to this episode of the podcast.

Sadly, I am not so obsessed with the world of pornography to know who the people I read about were (for the most part.) Luckily for us the guys and gals who do hang out at Brazzers Forum feel perfectly at home chatting about their favorite porn moments. I do admire the actors availability to the people posting there. It’s kind of sweet thinking about a porn star reading a fans email about how awesome he is at fucking and the porn star writing back,Â Â “Aw shucks. Thanks little guy. I’m glad I made your day. Keep jerkin’ it to the video of my strangely massive dong. Yours truely, XXX INSERT NAME HERE XXX.”

Enjoy the show!

Lou Reads episode 124 – Tales of Creepy Gamers from RPG.net

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This episode takes a peek into the world of role playing gamers and the creepy players they occasionally run into.

This isn't my D&D map. It's my well thought out rape plan. — This isn’t my D&D map. It’s my well thought out rape plan.

That image joke will make more sense if you listen to the episode. Also, don’t play Tomb of Horrors. Even if you win you’ll probably die in the end.

Lou Reads from the Discussions at Virgin-Forums

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Ah, the shame of being a virgin. That awful secret that you haven’t gotten some dummy to let you put your penis in them or given up the nappy dug-out to some chump on a camping trip. What a super awful time in life! Well, that is unless you’re super proud of your choice to not have fun teenage sex, like the people at Virgin-Forum.com. This is a site for people who are virgins, and sometimes not, to get together and talk about their virginity or lack there-of.

A very 9/11 virgin message. PS: I am offering deflowering services on demand.

Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoy all that post virginity sex you’re all having.

Lou Reads Revisits the Poz Experience at Raw Top’s Breeding Zone

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This guy is probably in the Breeding Zone Hall of Fame. Way to go, dude.

This podcast is going to make you laugh and probably make you a little uncomfortable. Or it might just make you feel sad. It’s unlikely to make you feel horny… unless you actually hang out at Raw Top’s Breeding Zone (Do I have to say it’s NSFW?). Anyway, Its been almost 4 years since I read from The Breeding Zone and thank the Lord, the posters there have not gotten any less graphically horrible about what they are into/doing. As always with topics beyond the pale, if it helps you sleep at night, I’ll allow you to reserve the right to believe the more crazy things are pure fiction. But… yeah… ENJOY?

Oh yeah, I’d like to thank The Breeding Zone for always wishing me a happy birthday!

What a bunch of swell, urine drinking, married guy poz'ing dudes. — What a bunch of swell, urine drinking, married guy poz’ing dudes.

Lou Reads 121: Discussions from the Forums of DefensiveCarry.com

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Hey all you gun-loving podcast fans out there. I know that maybe when you’re listening to podcasts your situational awareness may not be at its height. So, I implore you to look around while you’re listening to this podcast. Also, while listening, please keep your hand on your holster at all times. One can’t be too careful these days. I mean, what if something happened? Would you be ready to defend yourself AND listen to podcasts? These are important topics, to be sure.

Well, in my house I would get the broom because it meant the cat had knocked some shit over.

This episode is all about people who are concerned about their right to carry a firearm. So lock the 6 locks on your bedroom door, get inside your safe room and press play. It will all make sense. I promise.

Lou Reads – Anonymous Confessions from 2005

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Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait... yeah, that's fucked up. — Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait… yeah, that’s fucked up.

This episode is drawn straight from the Comedy Goldmine threads from the Something Awful archives. It features en-edited confessions that were sent in anonymously by the members of the Something Awful forums. I hope you enjoy it. The titles pretty much says it all!

On and by the way….

Lou Reads ep119: Dumb Things Done on Drugs

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I hope you find it a breath of fresh air after the last episodes anal destruction theme. I promise no anal anything this episode. If you want to do some anal stuff while you listen that is your God damn business! This episode is basically people sharing dumb stuff they’ve done on drugs. I don’t have much to say about it beyond that. Maybe, just “Thanks to all the drug users out there who are so wonderfully open about sharing their experiences on the internet.”

I think I'm handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue! — I think I’m handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue!

I hope you enjoy it. You may enjoy it more if you are on drugs.

Lou Reads ep118: Tales of Anal Destruction from FetLife.com

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Hey, I’m talking to you! If would you take that 2 liter bottle of soda out of your ass once in a while maybe you could pay attention to me when I tell you that I just read from the highly disturbing pages of Fetlife.com again. What did I read? Well, it just so happens that I read from a couple of groups who are dedicated to severe ass stretching. So severe, in fact, that I didn’t even feel like I could find an image that would do it justice or that I could stomach… THAT BAD! Ok one image.

CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS! Seriously, these are like a q-tip to these peoples asses... — CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS!

Anyway, please enjoy this episode if you can. It’s full of some pretty intensely crazy… stuff. Thanks for listening!

Lou Reads Black Friday Nightmares from AskReddit

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Hey, 2013 is over! The holiday season is over! What better time than now to look back at the experiences of the retail workers who had to deal with insane shoppers on Black Friday! Ok, I agree. Anytime would have been fine. I picked now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!! Here’s hoping to another year full of internet bizarreness and other related silly pursuits!

If you’re interested you can find the original Reddit thread here.

Thanks for listening!