Lou Reads: Stories of Shameful Hookups

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Who hasn’t been there? You go out and the opportunity presents itself for some quick boning. The circumstances and the person at hand aren’t perfect but you’re determined to bust a nut or get filled up (or whatever means sex for your type of body) so you go for it. Everything fine until you’re done and then your guilt based programing kicks in and you start to feel bad about it. Does this describe you? Hell yeah. Does it describe me? Hell no! Mainly because I was always clueless to when a girl liked me and was too busy dreaming of the day I would have stuff to make a podcast about. Okay, so you and I don’t have that much in common but you and these guys sure do. They’ve lived the deeds and feel okay enough with their deviant lustful acts to share them. Won’t you please join me know as we take a virtual walk of shame with these brave folks in the podcast known as “STORIES OF SHAMEFUL HOOKUPS!” Sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled.

And won’t you also enjoy the above music video by the sexy and talented lady known as Shayna Ferm. I know her from my sketch comedy and improv days. She’s a nice lady.

Lou Reads: Tales from the Drug War! Close Calls with the Law!

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OH SHIT! There’s cops behind us! What are we going to do? Quick, toss the weed! I can’t get busted in my dads car!

ALMOST GOT ME, COPPER!
ALMOST GOT ME, COPPER!

Ahhh close calls with the long arm of the law. They’re to be expected in the lives of those who choose to break societies rules. Stupid society always messing stuff up with it’s rules and stuff. This weeks podcast is a collection of stories with shared from the pages of the forums of International Cannagraphic Magazine’s forums. These tales are the true life stories of peoples encounters with the law in which they escaped unscathed (for the most part) from the long arm of Johnny Law. Many more people aren’t quite so lucky when it comes to these kinds of situations! They should probably read up with books like Busted!: Drug War Survival Skills and this guys Never Get Busted Again 1: Traffic Stops (2pc) DVD’s. Hey, it couldn’t hurt! Anyway, these are the stories of the lucky ones. The guys who don’t end up on Cops for having a pipe in their car. Not for lack of guilt, of course! Well lets hope that these kinds of stories are soon a thing of the past because they are the result of a ridiculously draconian drug war. Oops. I’m letting my opinions leak out again!

Won’t you please enjoy LOU READS: Tales from the Drug War. Almost Busted Stories.

Lou Reads: Excerpts from the Our GOP forums

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Oh my gorb! Obamer is going to do something crazy to the werld! His supreme court nomination wants to perform abortions in your living room with a bald eagle beak! Obama wants to change the nation currency to condom, just like Euro-town! Nancy Pelosi is 400 year old alien that needs stemcells to live! Obama and the Democ-rats are are considering making everyone take a shit at the same time. FIGHT THE SOCIALIST NATIONAL POOP CLOCK!

Separated at Birth
Separated at Birth

Alright, I may be exaggerating what you’re about to hear a little. The GOP forum is pretty boring but is there is also the special kind of crazy there that gives me the jibblies! While there is a WHOLE LOT of heart felt totally crackers nut jobs on this forum there are most certainly a fair number of rational voices in the weeds. Too bad they’re out numbered by the nuts. You can tell a nut by the number of youtube links and obscure articles they post to prove their point. Asking someone to watch 5 links that you feel prove your point is kind of unreasonable IMHO. And as we are now well aware, my HO is pretty much always the right O. Not so humble an O after all, I suppose. Anyway, on to the stupidity. In the name of fairness, if you you can find me an equally unhinged Democrat forum I’ll be happy to betray my loyalty in the name of some chuckles.

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Our GOP Forum.


Lou Reads: The Happy Bachelor Forum. A Place for Women Haters.

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Hear ye, Hear ye! The Loyal Order of the He-Man Woman-Haters club is officially coming to order. Is there any new business with the LOHMWHC? Ah, yes. There is the matter of deciding where we should all get together online to bitch about how much we hate women. Does anyone have a suggestion that isn’t in Second Life? That gives the creeps. Whats that you say? A forum called Happy Bachelor that is all about men dealing with the mysteries of why women suck so hard and why us poor men even have to deal with broads and whats on their stupid minds. OH MY GOD I HATE WOMEN SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!1

I AM AN ANGRY WOMAN! FEAR ME!!!
I AM AN ANGRY WOMAN! FEAR ME!!!

Oh my…. Sorry, I lost control there… Look, just listen to the latest Lou Reads about this. Trust me. I have to go lay down. All this hating is giving me the wind.

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Happy Bachelor Forum

Lou Reads: Stupid Questions from Yahoo Answers

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Hey, is it okay if I ask you a stupid question? No? Fine, I’ll just turn to the internet for the answer. Someone out there will know what this thing on my testicle is. Hrrmmm I could go to a medical site… Nah, I’ll just go and ask the brain trust of Yahoo Answers! Why? Because yahoo answers has a wonderful community of people who are apparently constantly looking for questions to answer.
Al Jaffe you are my hero

Do they have good answers? HELL NO! Why do people ask questions there when the answers tend to be so bad? WHO THE HELL KNOWS! It is a mystery! All I know is that if you type in almost any stupid and outlandish term into the search box you’ll almost always find a topic about it in there! Seriously. Using childish terms increases your chances of finding even worse questions.

People Are Stupid
People Are Stupid

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: Yahoo Answers starting…. now….

Lou Reads: The Real Rap Talk Forum

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Aw Naw! Hellz nah, ya’ll gone up and done it! Ya’ll gone up and done it! Can I get a what what?! Just throw ya hands in the air and wave ’em like you just don’t care! And if you love to listen to podcasts about stupid shit somebody say “INDEED I DO!!!!!!!!!!”

The thread about this album is 500 pages long!

Welcome to yet another super delightful episode of Lou Reads! I don’t even know what to say about this forum. It’s a great place to go and see gigantic, frame breaking images, it’s a great place to fine undiscovered hip hop talents and It’s a great place to steal content like movies, music and other stuff! It’s a one stop shop of stuff you could pay for but can’t be bothered to. It’s also a great place to go and read some really stupid arguments and opinions about stuff. When people aren’t talking about he music they are stealing and sharing they are having entertaining arguments. What do you think I focused on? The arguments of course, silly pants. Arguments and conspiracy theories are my bread and butter. Now I didn’t think that there would be anything too crazy on this forum but luckily I was wrong. A lot of it is really boring but when I hit that vein of hilarious dumbness I was pleasantly surprised! I hope you will be too. Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Real Rap Talk Forum.

Lou Reads: The Rapture Forums Forums

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The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!

Do you hear them? The trumpets! The trumpets! Oh lawdy lawdy! Lawdy done come to take me up to my reward!!!!

Oh wait. It’s just that guy with the kicking stereo system down the street. Dang. I thought for sure it was the rapture. Sorry everyone, false alarm. You can stop the wailing and gnashing of teeth, I guess. Or wait… Maybe I was left behind? No… No… it was just a false alarm. Yes. Thats it…. I’m not the one who is burning in Hell on earth. Thats going to be you… Which is fine by me….

Oh my. Its the rapture again! Thats right, the fighting jesus is coming and he’s going to be super pissed at what a bunch of jerks you all are. Not me of course. Jesus loves me. Yes he do. Well, if he does its not because of anything I’m doing for him. These people however are placing all their hopes and dreams on getting all rapturized in the near future.  And in their preparation for the end times and tribulations they indulge themselves in trying to decipher the signs god is sending them or the Devil is sending them or someone is sending them. And well they just love to talk about it. So won’t  you join me now as I read for you the kooky ramblings of the fanatics at the Rapture Forums.


Sorry for the Delay in Disturbing Hilarity

I made this for you because I can't cry in real life.

Hello friends. I’m sorry about the continued delay in amusing offerings. I just bought a new fancy-shmancy microphone and it came with ProTools. I’ve been trying to learn how to use it just to do my simple stuff but ProTools hates me to pieces. Every time I sit down to try it out I end up walking away because of some technical difficulty that makes no sense. Now I’m sure all you protools masters out there will say “of course your issue makes sense. You forgot to flip on the jimjam meter when you deviated from the dipdorp conundrum.” Well to you I say “ProTools LE shouldn’t be so insanely complicated. They should have a novice default layout for itself.” For the time being I am going to try to just record some little dumb things  to hold you over. Don’t you quit on me!!! Not after all we’ve been through.

Also, if you know a forum I should be reading out-loud into the  microphone for the people then by all means shoot me a comment or something at kinglou AT the gmails. Me want to hear you long time.

In the meantime may I recommend the following podcasts to fill your days.

The Flophouse, The Comedy Nerds, Jordan Jesse GO! and Comedy Death Ray (will launch iTunes). You will enjoy these in my absence and I will return so very soon! Look for me in the East at the Third Moon! (thats my favorite gay bar.)

Lou Reads: A Thread about Your Legal Rights

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Hey there, are you a careless drug user? Do you wake and bake then drive and bake and then work and bake then just bake? Well if you’re a constant drug enthusiast then chances are at some point in the near future you will get into a legal situation for which you are unprepared. Well then, this is the episode of Lou Reads for you! Put those headphones on, light up a fatty and learn something that will blow your mind!!! It doesn’t hurt to throw on a barrister’s wig and maybe cue some episodes of Cops, too.

As the podcast will tell you this podcast is not a binding legal contract and the advice given there in is not necessarily 100% accurate for the area you live in. So I don’t want to get any emails where you claim I told you to sass some PoPo and ended up in cooler. Hellz naw! This is just to inform you of things you may not have known about your rights. I hope you enjoy it. If you don’t there really isn’t much you or I can do it  about it. I mean it’s already been made…. can’t go back in time. Oh how I wish I could….

This is your door on drugs!

Alight, enough jibber jabber. Listen to the podcast already!