Serious – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads ep 179 – The Visit Beyond the Vail of Afterlife Forums

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What happens to us when we die? What happens to us before we are born? Somehow the people at this forum know, with certainty, that everything is going to be alright. Especially after you die. This is truly amazing considering I can barely figure out what is happening to me right now, this very second!

Why the fuck the stairs gotta be so long?! It’s like that episode of DBZ! *“Run in the Afterlife, Goku! The One Million Mile Snake Way!!”* Give me a break, I’m dead!

I am fairly certain that at some point during this episode you will say out loud, “What? Wait… what?” That’s because there is more than a little complete nonsense being discussed here. Yes, I am a doubter. This much is clear! I’m also concerned with so many of the people on this site considering suicide in order to get to this next level of experience! If you’re considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Don’t kill yourself because you read on an online forum that the next life is SOOO MUCH BETTER! Amazingly irresponsible… Oh, also the whole “I remember as a baby I was thinking….” thing is so much insane bullshit… I can’t even… A BABY!… sigh…

As promised, here is your unassailable proof of the existence of the life after death. A lawyer who wrote a whole bunch of nonsense about the afterlife!

Lou Reads ep175: The parasite infested forums of The Cure Zone

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You know that feeling you get when the world is telling you that you should take anti-psychotic medicine to deal with the invisible parasites you’re being plagued by? And you know the feeling you get when you tell the doctors you don’t want to take the medicine because it will just make the parasites sleepy but not actually kill them. And you know that feeling when you decided to drink your urine to help with your self diagnosed diseases? Wait, you don’t relate to any of these feelings? Well you must not be a member of the forums of Cure Zone.

Delish, nutrish and straight from the tap. Urine might be the best self-made medicine you you’ve ever gagged on!

Cure Zone is a forum for people who are battling a lot of problems. Is it all in their minds? Is society mocking their problems? Do they really have multiple types of parasites attacking them in a way that normal science cannot detect? Well, from reading all these posts I’d have to say… yeah… It’s all in their minds. But that doesn’t stop it from being all too real and troubling for the poor folks who post here.

I hope that you’ll enjoy this episode and that if you do start to feel like maybe you’ve got Morgellons or some other kind of skin parasite maybe take your doctors advice and try the antipsychotics. Also, if you have any serious disease, please realize that drinking your urine as a cure seems like a desperation thing and not a real solution to your problems. But please, take my opinion on this as simply that. I’m just a simple reader of the Internet who hasn’t rubbed any of my own urine on my body. What do I know?

Lou Reads ep 174 – The Forums of Prison Talk

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Have you considered marrying a man who you’ve only known through a pen pal connection? In this age of swiping right or left to instantly connect with someone, you can still find some people who are meeting people like it’s 1980 or something! Prison Talk is a forum for the loved ones of people who are somewhere within the prison system of the United States. It’s a support group for those looking to commiserate with others in the same misery boat.

I’d have to hear a list of your bad choices before I’m ready to confirm this but for now I’ll say okay…

This episode is a departure from the typical grossness and stupidity that I sometimes deal in. There is a lot of head scratching behavior on there, to be sure. But it’s a small glimpse into the world of those, mainly women, who are dealing with a life where revolving door incarceration is the norm. There is no guarantee that they’ll ever actually meet the people they are writing to in person. Or worse that if they do get out of prison there is the chance that they aren’t who they say they are…

I hope you enjoy it.

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Lou Reads ep165 – I Put a Love Spell on YOU! Because You’re Mine! Thanks, Ashra.Net

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So… I just wanted you to know that when we broke up I kind of went a little crazy. I was pretty upset and I decided that since we’re soulmates and fated to be together I would speed up our eventual reconciliation by paying real money for a love spell to bring you back to me. I also paid for spell to make your new relationships not work. See, by making sure you couldn’t find happiness with another person it totally made you come back to me in a completely natural way!

So this month’s episode is a reading from the forums of Ashra.net. I was surprised to find that a single spell-caster had her own fairly active forum dedicated almost 100% to discussion about her and how great she is. I was also surprised to discover how many folks out there are willing to spend money on love spells. It’s been a while since I visited the forums of Lucky Mojo and had kind of forgotten about this world of sad people who believe in spells affecting their romantic targets. I mean… they don’t really work… right? Anyway, get ready to hear a lot of praise for this lady! Enjoy.

Lou Reads ep158 Conspiracy Madness from the Let’s Roll Forums

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This podcast is an obvious tool of the MSM (mainstream media) to help perpetrate a fraud on the people of the Earth. I mean, you can hear that the “human” who is reading these posts is clearly either an A.I. approximation of a human designed to trick normals or an MK-Ultra brainwashed dupe. I feel sorry for the sheeple who listen to this and come out believing that contrails aren’t poisoning the earth for real or that the Boston Marathon bombing was real and not a big hoax. All I can say is, if someone comes for my guns… I’ll be sad… But at least then I’ll be right, for once!

I know a guy who said he knows a guy who knows Alex Jones and he said Alex Jones never said this. So who said it? Obviously the Mossad!

Hey, folks. This month I’m reading from the Let’s Roll Forums. Obviously, that is a reference to the words of the people who fought back against the hijackers on 9/11 and not a reference to them loving Katamari Damacy. The Let’s Roll Forums are a one-stop-shop for all your crockpot conspiracy theories. From 9/11 to Sandy Hook and beyond. No tragedy is so real that it’s above not being real at all. And just like that sentence, none of it makes sense. So, if you like to get worked up into a lather about stuff then this is the place for you! Won’t you please enjoy listening to the heartfelt weirdness of the Let’s Roll Forums.

Lou Reads Tales of Phenazepam Drug Trip Nightmares

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Ok, so you got your hands on a not-yet-illegal, mega-effective, pharmaceutical grade benzodiazapine. This stuff is so powerful that it makes you forget you took it so you keep taking it until you black out and lose days at a time. So what do you do with it? Why, you just jump right in there. Why not? Sounds awesome, right? Well, unluckily for the people in this episode they basically did just that. Luckily for us, however, they decided to share it on the internet. So, please enjoy these stories of reckless drug adventuring from the pages of The Drug Forum, Erowid & Bluelight. If, after hearing this episode, you think to yourself, “Gosh, I don’t know, that doesn’t sound so bad. Maybe I’ll look into getting some!”, Please seek professional help. Also please try some Krokodil because you’re an idiot.

I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I'm different that the other dummies! — I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I’m going to roll the dice with this really awesome drug! See you in prison!

Lou Reads from The NiceGuy (Men Going Their Own Way) Forums

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This week I’m reading from the forums of The-Niceguy.com. If you really don’t like American women then you are going to enjoy this episode. If you ARE an American woman then… why are so terrible? Ask yourself that! Well, if you don’t want to do your introspection this forum and it’s fed-up-with-feminism members will be happy to explain it to and your tiny, selfish brain.

That's why marital rape laws should be abolished, AMIRITE?!?! — That’s why marital rape laws should be abolished, AMIRITE?!?!

Lou Reads from the Forums of Survivalist Boards – MY GUNS! MY RIGHTS! OY VEY!

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Look, we can’t talk here. Obviously, things have been set in motion. The recent events, Sandy Hook, Bengazi, Time Warner Triple-Play, Twinkies, the Super Bowl halftime show and others too obvious to keep listing have set in motion the end of society. So if you’re not a sheeple you need to get your ass to the forums at Survivalist Boards and start getting your Bug Out Location squared away. You know when the SHTF all the unprepared societal leeches in your circle of doomed friends are going to come banging at your door to save them from themselves or from the government. The government they voted for! HA!

Also the work camps & the nuclear wars & the liberal black jews & food scares & peak oil... so many things!!! — Also the work camps & the nuclear wars & the liberal black jews & food scares & peak oil… so many things to be afraid of!!!

I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! It was hard to pick what to read from here because it was so full of interesting takes on the world. I hope for our sake these guys are really, really completely wrong about the world. Still, part of me hopes they’re right just because they are obviously really, really hoping things fall apart. I’m sure it would feel great to be SO right about things… once.

Lou’s Top 10 XMAS Countdown from Something Awful’s Goon Made Christmas Music

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Hey! Hanukka is almost over (or over I can’t remember) and its almost Christmas! The guys over at the Something Awful forums have been working super hard on their 4th annual Christmas music collection. I took it upon myself to fire up the Garageband and make a top 10 countdown. There were 87 songs to choose from and it was actually hard to pick 10 but I did it, you guys. There were some great bad songs made! As you may have seen on the Facebook Page I threw my hat into the ring for a couple of holiday classics. Please forgive this diversion from the usual forum nonsense and enjoy a lovely jumble of holiday awfulness. More forumsy goodness is just around the corner!

You can download the whole collection of 87 songs here

Peace on Earth Through Total Annihilation - GLASS THE EARTH! — Peace on Earth Through Total Annihilation – GLASS THE EARTH!

And remember if you haven’t finished your holiday shopping & you’re planning on buying stuff at Amazon you can help Lou Reads out by shopping via THIS HANDY LINK! Thank you!

If you want to hear all the Something Awful Christmas music ever made then check out https://saxmas.robotcousin.com/