Lou Reads: Zoo Tube 365 forum. Yup, More Bestiality… YUCK!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

You know, having the number one rated reading disgusting things from the internet for you podcast I get a lot of good suggestions for things to read for you. Well, let me correct that. I get a lot of really not so good suggestions. However, every once in a while I get a real treat. My online friend, whom I only know from chatting with, sent me a link to a real gem. He knew I would enjoy it and I did. What he sent me was a link to the forum at ZooTube365.com. Now, you shouldn’t go there. It’s a hardcore bestiality porn site. Who knew that porn sites had forums? Not me! Anyway, I shared it with Something Awful and we did a weekend web about the forum a few weeks ago. Oh what fun was had! Okay, it wasn’t fun at all. It was actually really revolting and sad. Remember, things can’t be unseen! MY EYES!!!!

tmb_Sad_horse_by_Equoris

Well, with that kind of a lead in how could you not listen! Won’t you please join me as I read for you the depths of the horrors of the forums at ZooTube365. If you make it to the end please be sure to do something nice for yourself. You’ll have earned it.

sad

Lou Reads: Advice for New Heroin Users from Drugs-Forum

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Hey there, Little Junkie! Why aren’t you a cute fella! Whats that you say? You’re looking to score more smack? Ain’t that a might too soon? You was just coming ’round here yesterday. Oh I see. Yer a hurtin’ for some of my sweet skagg. Why I remember when you were just a chippie. Looks like you gotcher’self a full blown habit now, boy. Well, now that you’re a full-time citizen of H-town I think its about time I learned ya on how to traverse this territory without getting burned by other junky douche-bags. So grab a seat and open your stinking ear, laddy. A podcast on that very subject is about… to BEGIN!!!!

Hey Lou Reads Army (LRA T-Shirts are not on order… yet) put those headphones on and rush on over to get yourselves a lovely helping of advice for noob junkies. I know, you thought that heroin addicts were just really cool guys who know how to party by tapping into a dream-like state of bliss and didn’t bother anyone. Well as it turns out there is a DOWN SIDE to all this heroin. WHO KNEW?!?! Well luckily some guys on this forum decided to make a nice little guide on how not to get ripped off in the work of Junk.

PLEASE ENJOY: Lou Reads: Advice for New Heroin Users

Lou Reads: Lucky Mojo Forums – Hoodoo Voodoo and a Hocus Pocus!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Hello! Oh my, well it has been some time since we sat together, you and I. Yes. Now, lets see. Where were we? Oh yes, I remember now. I was reading the internet to you. Yes, yes. It’s all coming back.

This week we visit the loving and caring internet playground of the world of root work, conjuring and wish craft known as The Lucky Mojo Forum. This forum is the offshoot of the Lucky Mojo shop which is a real place in California somewhere and a virtual place in cyber-town. Here forum members can talk about the products for sale and ask advice about how to cast a spell or make a potion. I had to look up a lot of the terminology of the Mojo because who the hell knows what  Nation Sack is? Well its a kind of Mojobag…

A Nation Sack or Mojo Bag... or RED bag...
A Nation Sack or Mojo Bag... or RED bag...

Anyway, these people love to share their ideas about how craft spells and tricking people into eating menstrual blood. It’s all great fun, you see. Not at all retarded…

Won’t you please enjoy LOU READS: LUCKY MOJO FORUM


I’m not dead!

Hello friends. I don’t care if you don’t think we are. I think we are and that distinction makes all the difference. Just wanted to let you know that I’m not dead. I didn’t forget to read the internet for you. I am on vacation! I actually just survived the awesomeness of  hurricane Bill. Here is a pic of the ocean surge pushing up the steps of our vacation home at high tide. Normally its about 50-60 feet away!!!

Ocean Surges up the Steps of our vacation house

I also go hired to do some voice-over work while I was on my vacation. Luckily I had my mic. Sadly I have another job to edit on my vacation so no new Lou Reads until I am back in the grind in NYC. In the meantime please enjoy this classic video made by my friends Rob and Sam. I play a drug dealer in this video they made before they moved to LA and broke my heart.


When I get back I’ll be reading more delightful bestiality forums and a forum I recently discovered which deals with how to cast a love spell on a person with a candle!
Later,Lou

Lou Reads: Stormfront.org (Racism but boring)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Come on. You can’t deny getting a thrill when you thrust that fist into the air and give a throaty yell in the name of all that is good and white and Hitler-y. Yes, thats right. Give into the power of the white side! Why if I wasn’t partially of the mud races who knows. I might be a grand wizard or imperial cyclops by now…

Anyway, this week I decided to make up for being late with my podcast by making it extra long and extra dumb. You probably haven’t thought about the trouble true whites have with the concerns of teaching young whites to be concerned about race-mixing or about how hard it is to recruit people to the cause of White National Pride! After this podcast you might even feel sorry for the next skinhead you see. Be sure to give him a pat and tell him its all going to be okay.

Then go get a toxic flu vaccine you dirty subhuman illegal!

Please enjoy Lou Reads: Stormfront.org.

Lou Reads: The Best of Craigslist Top 100

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

When I think of the wonders of craigslist I usually think of this type of encounter:

Hey, you know how we agreed on that price I was going to pay for you guitar amp? Well, I’m kind of a little short. Do you mind if I give you less than we agreed because I am a faking asshole who is trying to cheat you at the last minute? Cool, I figured you just wanted to get rid of it bad enough to take whatever. Hardy har har. Bye, chump!

Well, lo and behold I have come across the greatness of the of the best of craigslist top 100. I don’t know how they come up with this list. Not that it’s unknowable, I just haven’t bothered to look it up. What I do know is that there is a lot of funny crap happening there. So won’t you please enjoy my reading of the Best of Craigslist!

LOU READS: The Best of Craigslist Top 100

Mini Lou Reads: The Flophouse Movie Minute

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

It’s been a while since I was on The Flophouse Podcast so when I got a chance to contribute I jumped right in. Head flophouser, Dan McCoy, told me he was inspired by my corny announcer read that I did for the Large Penis Support Group and wanted to make his own version. I offered to do it and the rest is internet history. Surely you felt the paradigm shift when I hit save on the voice over file.

I Present to you “The Flophouse Movie Minute #28: Criterion Collection” Be sure to check out some of their other full length podcasts. They do a really funny job reviewing bad movies.

New full length Lou Reads coming on Friday! I know! Try to look more relaxed. People are starting to stare.

Lou Reads: Stories of People Who Can’t Handle Their Weed

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Dudes and dudettes,

How many times have you had to have this conversation with your significant other?

“Oh man, I don’t want your cousin coming over tonight. Why? Because I just got some amazing weed and I want to try out this sweet new bubbler pipe thingy. Are you kidding me? No he can’t have some. Don’t you remember? He’s going to want to have some of this sticky-icky dank bud and you know he can’t handle his weed!”

I’m sorry if I am opening up old wounds. There is hardly anything worse than dealing with people who can’t handle their weed. It’s even worse than watching your dog get run over (This is my way of apologizing to you about that one time, mom). Okay, maybe watching something you love die is worse. But its definitely annoying to say the least to have someone who can’t handle their smoke start acting a fool and harshing your mellow.

Join me then, won’t you, as I regale you with tales of marijuana smoking sessions gone wrong. These true tales offered up once again by the lovely people of the internet for your listening pleasure.

STORIES OF PEOPLE WHO CAN’T HANDLE THEIR WEED: EDIT FIXED 8/3/09 – RE-FIXED 4/15/2011

Lou Reads: The Large Penis Support Group

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Look, of all people, I know what a burden it can be to have an extremely large penis. I mean, the word large is not even descriptive enough to really do it justice. Is there even a word? Gi-dong-gantulous? I would post pics but its kind of like looking at the sun. You should really only do it with protective gear involved. I digress.

The Large Penis Support Group is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a forum for men with large peens to get together and talk about the wonderful world of giant dong-dom. Of course there are some women in the mix too. For who is the receiver of all this oversized beef? Oh, right, all the gay guys on the forum. Well there are some ladies on there, too. I didn’t read any of their posts but they are on there. I assure you… Anyway, once again I joined with the SA Goons to explore the depths of the silliness of this forum and we came up with some gems. Won’t you please enjoy my reading of the LPSG.

On note: I decided to break out of the mold and read this site in the style of a over-the-top morning DJ so it’s EXTRA stupid but also made me laugh quite a bit. Let me know what you think.

LOU READS: LARGE PENIS SUPPORT GROUP (CORNY READ)

Like Minded Folks Reading Dumb Stuff!

Hello loyal friends! I just came across this threads at Something Awful. Some like minded guys have been reading ridiculous stories gay and non-gay (aka normal hetero sex) sex stories from Deviant Art. These are pretty absurd. But if you’re jonesin’ for some more hilariously dumb reading then check these out!

There are more but you’ll have to get them from the forum link. Hopefully you don’t need to have joined to see it. Sometimes you do…

Lou Reads update coming on Friday!