Its time to look deep inside yourself and think about what terrifies you. Not rational fears like death or loss of your job. Things that terrify you irrationally. Well if you are a’fear’d of anything irrationally and need a place to see if you’re not alone then ofear is the place for you.
I also fear my fingers getting stuck into my face!
Without further delay I present to you the ofear.com forum read from Lou Reads. If you are afraid of listening to the podcast I recommend you go to ofear to see if there is such a thing as Podcastophobia.
Have you ever heard someone sneeze and gotten totally turned on? How about you heard someone with a stuffed up nose trying to talk and gotten super aroused by it?
I need two hankies! One for my nose and the other....
No? Well, then you’re a normal person who is not at all very weird at least in the whole sneeze fetish sense. You may be an absolute weirdo about something else.. Look I’m not judging you. That is unless you’re already a member of this forum and thats because these people are very weird and the thats because they are sneeze fetishists. They proudly wave their freak flags in the safe haven of the appropriately named Sneeze Fetish Forum. If you don’t get what they are into you’re just being obstinate. Now one thing I found really interesting in the posts I read was that no one on this stupid forum ever talks about actual sex. Just that they love sneezes and get all frustrated or how they are going to explode. Where is the release, people? Anyway, you may not believe your ears when you hear the absurdity of this podcast. But it takes all kinds I guess… Just be aware that the next time you sneeze someone nearby may just be getting a boner (or explode-y)  because of it….
What a sneeze slut! She's asking for it! (it being a tissue)
Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads The Sneeze Fetish Forums!
So it has come to this. An actual website dedicated to talking about poop. Sure, people have issues with their poop. It’s a dirty shameful business. But the levels of hang-ups people have with their pooping is pretty out there. Believe me, I’ve seen it all working at a university. I’ve even ecountered people who actually do some of these things discussed in this weeks podcast. See if you can’t figure out which one matches this picture that I actually made for the bathroom on my floor.
This is the tip of the nastiness iceberg at my job
At least the person who smears poop all over the stall only struck once. There really isn’t much to say about this site except to acknowledge that there are some severely damaged people in this world. And this week their damage is all about the poopin’ and the fartin’! Enjoy listening to your poop chat from Poop Report dot com.
So you wanted another podcast even though I’ve been sick? So Mote it Be! This week I delved into the wonderful world of  Witchcraft at WitchForum.Net. This is another of the fabulous forum featuring people who happen to actually appear to believe they are doing magic. Luckily we are spared the bloody mess of the Lucky Mojo Forums read. But that doesn’t mean it gets any less stupid.
Boil boil toil and... this is going to taste terrible.
In high school my girlfriend was into Wicca and being the asshole I was back then I never missed a chance to mock and scorn it. Later in life I felt regret for being as asshole about the whole thing. After reading this forum I don’t quite feel so bad anymore. These people are nuts! Through her Wicca connections I met a another Wiccan kid in high school who proudly claimed he gave one of the guys in Duran Duran a blowjob so you know that magic works! Well, if you’re ready to listen to the podcast then cast a protection circle around your headphones and imagine your sanity in an orange aura of serenity. You’re gonna need it!
Na Na Na Na Na BAT WITCH!
ALSO! Listen all the way to the end of the podcast to hear the details of how to get my Lou Reads special give away! What is it? ITS A MAGNET THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!
Try not to hurt yourself running to get one!
Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of WitchForum.net
Sorry for the delay in podcastings. I’ve been saddled with some crazy upper respiratory bug for a goll-durn week. To top it off it was my birthday this weekend. Perhaps unwisely I managed to have a party with the help of codeine cough syrup (yes prescribed) and  sudafed. I returned to work this morning and got hit with some shitty fever and more coughing so I’m going home. So this has precluded my recording and editing. I did record something last night as a test. It is comically ill sounding. I will probably post it anyway.
I shouldn't have licked that tramp on a bet.
Stay tuned, though. Because I ordered some stuff to give away from Vista Print. I’ll put details about how to get your grub net paws on this stuff in the next podcast. If you have suggestions for other things I might give away feel free to comment on this post or on the facebook fan page.
I love when people share their stories with me. Thats why I love the interwebs. It’s all people sharing all the time! Well this episode I’m revisiting some of my favorite kinds of sharing! I love when people talk about their drug experiences. Good or bad I think what people experience in their altered states is hilarious. I mean who can’t relate, right? You’re probably on drugs right now you dirty hippy. Anyway, I love drug trip stories. They are part confession, part bragging and part warning all in one. If someone tells you a story about having a close call with a drug they may really be warning you not to do it but in their heads they are shining their knuckles on their lapels and checking their nails. They are head-space explorers, you pissant!
I love me some drug trip reports
Lou Reads in no way condones all this illegal drug use. You should definitely not do drugs around Lou. Specifically do not say Crack or Freebase…. unless you got some…
Dear people. Please pay attention when you are in school. Especially when you are in sex education class! For the love of god don’t just giggle and guffaw through it or you might end up like these poor people. As you will soon hear these fools are busy at work asking the internet things they should have learned in school or asked a doctor about.
Pay attention in School
Some of these questions aren’t stupid but odd. What I found most amazing was the amount of people claiming to have the exact same issues. What are the chances that you’ll find 15 women who recently had abortions who want to talk about it on a random health forum. Well one thing is for sure. The women at SteadyHealth.com are easy and won’t make you wear a condom.
Won’t you please enjoy LOU READS THE STEADY HEALTH FORUMS.
Yo, Player! Yo, check it out. We gonna go do that crime tonight? You know the one with the spray paint? You know the one where other people within our specific subculture will notice our markings, potentially recognize them and appreciate or hate on them where as the rest of society will frown upon them? Yes, we’re going out to do graffiti paintings on stuff. That is what I am talking about!
From back in time comes the Hopeless Wackness
Oh, boy I hope that you don’t think talk about graffiti is boring because thats what this weeks podcast is all about! Thats right, jerks from all over the world sharing their love of doing “art” on public and private property alike. Now before you think I am being an ass about the subject know this: I was fully immersed in this subculture in the mid 1980’s! The above video is actually me doing some graffiti in the 80’s for a bad video performance art class I was in at the time. My FAIL tag was 20 years ahead of FAILBLOG! Be sure to read the comments on that video. People DO NOT LIKE IT.
Anyway, won’t you please enjoy this podcast about Graffiti and how to do it and not get caught… or if you’re caught how to not talk to the cops…
Hey, you probably like to go to Six Flags now and then. Who doesn’t? Well no matter how hard you try to enjoy yourself at one of those places the fact of the matter is that you’re going to run into a substrata of human that you don’t normally encounter. These are the failures of humanity. People who just suck in an almost unfathomable way. Whether they are cutting the lines, talking shit about a pretty sunset or just being gross, dumb, ugly people fucking up your experience with their subhuman antics!…. Ahem… I seem to have gotten a little beyond the scope of this podcast. Anyway, these are a just a few of the stories included in the Something Awful comedy goldmine thread entitled “Failures of humanity witnessed at amusement parks”
I try not to be too informative but sometimes when you read something you just can’t help but learn or teach. Thats the case today. I really apologize if you happen to take something away from this listen. I mean it would really be awful if you exposed yourself to something new and had your pre-conceived notions challenged. Yeah, that would be terrible. Again, I apologize for your learning in advance. You should probably go do so some salvia afterwards to fix the whole learning problem.
Please enjoy this extra ENHANCED version of the audio with pictorial accompaniment. You can still listen to the classic one below if you don’t care.
