Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!
Giving Voice to the Things You Didn't Want to Hear About
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Are you feeling the protrusion yet? Please enjoy this episode about milking your prostate. If you don’t know how to milk your prostate by the end of this episode then you just aren’t trying very hard…
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As a married man who hates breasts I could not get down with this forum. I mean, who likes breasts? Especially breasts full of milk that are being shared with lots of grown dudes and ladies looking for some kind of Adult Nursing Relationship? Oh right, the people who used to hang out at Spicy Talk Forums!
Ok, I was lying. I don’t really hate breasts. Please don’t send me hate mail and pictures of your breasts to let me know how angry you all are at me. Reading this forum was fairly funny because of how almost every thread somehow got around to talking about adult breastfeeding… In the end I decided to just double down on all the ANR talk and accept the concept that there are a lot of people out there who think about drinking mothers milk ALL THE TIME… I hope you enjoy it!
I am planning a small bit of bonus content in a week. Keep your ears posted!
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What happens to us when we die? What happens to us before we are born? Somehow the people at this forum know, with certainty, that everything is going to be alright. Especially after you die. This is truly amazing considering I can barely figure out what is happening to me right now, this very second!
I am fairly certain that at some point during this episode you will say out loud, “What? Wait… what?” That’s because there is more than a little complete nonsense being discussed here. Yes, I am a doubter. This much is clear! I’m also concerned with so many of the people on this site considering suicide in order to get to this next level of experience! If you’re considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Don’t kill yourself because you read on an online forum that the next life is SOOO MUCH BETTER! Amazingly irresponsible… Oh, also the whole “I remember as a baby I was thinking….” thing is so much insane bullshit… I can’t even… A BABY!… sigh…
As promised, here is your unassailable proof of the existence of the life after death. A lawyer who wrote a whole bunch of nonsense about the afterlife!
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Hey, I know we just has sex and that I paid you for that sex because you’re an escort. But, I really feel that in this 10 minute encounter that we’ve bonded and I’d really like to see you again. And, also have sex with you again for money. But, maybe you’ll kind of be into me next time a little and give me a discount and eventually you’ll see that, although we met via an exchange of sex for cash, that I’m a super nice guy! And maybe you’ll want to date me and have sex with me for free because we’ll be dating! Wouldn’t that be awesome?! Oh, but don’t tell my wife…
The world of escorting appears to be less awful from the world of street sex workers. However, every sex worker who trades sex for cash has to have a first time that they did it. That’s what is happening this episode of Lou Reads. I hope you enjoy hearing these stories!
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What’s that now? You want me to share some of my darkest secrets with the internet? Well, gee… I mean, I’ve seen and done some terrible things in my life but I’m not sure I want to post them on THE INTERNET… Oh, you think I should make a throwaway account in order to freely share the darkest of the dark? Well… Okay!
This episode of Lou Reads is your basic confessions post. Always a good time to hear what people feel are the dark secrets in their lives. Of course, some of these secrets are truly awful and as I mention at the end of the episode if you’re considering killing yourself please consider call the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you’re just some weird guy who like’s masturbating at work or once considered boning your cousin then just keep on being yourself, you weirdo.
Also, CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO THE SHIRTS!
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You know that feeling you get when the world is telling you that you should take anti-psychotic medicine to deal with the invisible parasites you’re being plagued by? And you know the feeling you get when you tell the doctors you don’t want to take the medicine because it will just make the parasites sleepy but not actually kill them. And you know that feeling when you decided to drink your urine to help with your self diagnosed diseases? Wait, you don’t relate to any of these feelings? Well you must not be a member of the forums of Cure Zone.
Cure Zone is a forum for people who are battling a lot of problems. Is it all in their minds? Is society mocking their problems? Do they really have multiple types of parasites attacking them in a way that normal science cannot detect? Well, from reading all these posts I’d have to say… yeah… It’s all in their minds. But that doesn’t stop it from being all too real and troubling for the poor folks who post here.
I hope that you’ll enjoy this episode and that if you do start to feel like maybe you’ve got Morgellons or some other kind of skin parasite maybe take your doctors advice and try the antipsychotics. Also, if you have any serious disease, please realize that drinking your urine as a cure seems like a desperation thing and not a real solution to your problems. But please, take my opinion on this as simply that. I’m just a simple reader of the Internet who hasn’t rubbed any of my own urine on my body. What do I know?
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I’m not doing myself any favors by reading from the forums of Solo Suck. I knew it would be tough to read and yet, I persisted. Just like Elizabeth Warren! Except instead of standing up to the GOP I stood up to my own stomach and challenged it with some seriously nauseating content.
Now, like many forums I read, this forum is just another example of people who aren’t hurting anyone engaging in a sex hobby they feel passionate about. However, it’s hard not to be grossed out by this act that is so taboo and generally frowned on. Of course there is some modicum (no pun intended) of hypocrisy for being grossed out in a world where pornography is all about women & men being the semen targets. However, the act of self-sucking & the raising cum to a fetishized sacrement… well, I personally had some trouble with queasiness reading it. I hope that you’ll enjoy this episode. I know it may be difficult and in some ways mentally damaging but… Well, I hope you enjoy it if you can keep your food down…
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Hey can you help me with the clasp on this thing? I was so easy to undo when it was on a lady. Seriously, I was a one-hand, no-look, two-finger bra-undo-er. But now that it’s on my body I’m having a hell of a time getting this bra off! Luckily the fellas over at Men Wear Bras is a community of happy to help men who, do in fact, wear bras.
So, yeah, guys wearing bras. Crossdressing is nothing new but it is rare that one hears from the dudes who are out there dealing with their desires to wear over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. I’m still not sure why the domain is so very weird but I guess it does cut down on unwanted attention. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!
Thanks for listening!
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Here it is! The not so long, but still long awaited part two & conclusion to the harrowing novel The Human Santapede!.” I hope you enjoy finishing off this particularly silly bit of reading. I must admit that although a lot of the book was really dumb & trite, by the end I found myself not hating it as much I had been originally. Part of that may have been relief that I knew it was coming to and end but whatever. Thanks for listening! Be sure to subscribe & rate on whatever pod-source you use!
Also, if you want shirts the store is still open until January 23rd. HURRY!
Lastly! If you want to watch the unedited live video of this reading then by all means please enjoy! Be sure to subscribe to see when I’m live again!
Watch Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! – The Human Santapede from loureads on www.twitch.tv
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Happy holidays! It’s taken forever but just two days ago I did a stream of myself reading from The Human Santapede on Twitch. I made it all the way to chapter 16 before I tapped out. So please enjoy this stupid reading I did! I just finished recording the second half of the book tonight so look for that in 2018!
Just a warning, this is very long! It’s very stupid but I enjoyed reading it over the two days. You can watch the live reading here if you want to watch it with all my fuck ups & asides.
Watch Alternate Side Talking with King Lou from loureads on www.twitch.tv
HAPPY NEW YEAR!