Category: Podcasts

Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates

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Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am out of here unless you move out then I wouldn’t mind taking over your room…

Photo illustration by Tyler Metcalfe/The Daily
Do you mind if I practice my guitar while you sleep?

Bad roommates are like a test from the universe. My question is what do bad roommates get out of living with good roommates? I mean besides living like the filthy inconsiderate bastards they are without consequence, of course. Now, I’ll admit that in my life I’ve been a bad roommate at times. Mainly due to my extremely privileged upbringing where I was taught that I am better than most people. I’ll just say that I’m glad that the internet was not a huge deal when I was in college or surely my name would have been in this podcast, too!

I just stand by the fact that no matter how bad I was as roommate I was never as bad as the infamous “Fecal Lasagna” Roommate.

For the record making a bathtub full of poop and newspapers does make you a bad roommate.

Thanks to the Something Awful goons for all their tales of roommate woe!


Lou Reads Anonymous Confessions from GroupHug.us

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Hey, have I ever told you this horrible secret that I have? No? Oh right, that’s because it’s a terrible horrible secret that I can never share with anyone I know! Or at least thats what I thought until I came across the site known as GroupHug.us!

I ATE THE LAST DONUT

Much like a FML website its a place for people to drop their gems of personal confessions. Some are short, some are long, some are painfully honest and some are just stupid bullshit thought up by jerks. To me  that makes it a mixed bag of internet wonder!

Won’t you join me in shaking my head in amazement at this short assortment of crazy confessions.


Lou Reads: The Magic Cafe Forums! Magical Topics for Wielders of Evil Forces

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I’m sure there is one thing we can all agree on and that is that “Magic” is an evil and deceptive art sent by the devil to convince us that coins were up our noses or that there is an super long stream of hankies somewhere in our ears that ends in some spotted boxer shorts. The Devil’s work I tell you!

Sorry, Lucifer, it was the 3 of Clubs. Better luck next time!

At least thats what I believed until I discovered The Magic Cafe and it’s sub forum for Christian Magicians. They showed me how you CAN do magic in the name of HIM who is HE who is GOOD and LIVING and LOVING and all the other words used to attribute emotions to imaginary stuff. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy listening to the mildly mind numbing discussions of how to do magic as a good Christian magician. Fasten your seatbelts! It’s about to get…. something!!!


Lou Reads: All About Marrying the Russian Girl of Your (Bad) Dreams

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A wise man once said, “To make a family in America you marry a woman. In Russia, WOMAN MARRIES YOU!”

Russian Skank!
Thank you for bring me your country. Now, how you say, I marry good Russian boy.

Man, its times like these when I am glad I married me an American lady. Sure, I know they are hard to deal with. What with their nagging and their “Why do you spend all your time doing that podcast for no money?” and their “stop cursing in front of my mom” and their “I can’t breathe when you stand on my windpipe.” Its not all wine and roses. But at least its not what these guys have going on. These guys want anything but an American girl. I’d say they want someone who they imagine isn’t corrupted by the temptations of the West. Little do they realize that they aren’t corrupted because they aren’t here yet! I mean if they think meeting American hot babes is hard at least they aren’t traveling around the globe to a meet a chick who barely speaks English. THAT sounds hard. But whatever. Just listen to the podcast already, tovarich. Dasvidaniya!

Now you too can waste all your time pursuing fruitless long distance relationships!


Lou Reads about Past Lives and Reincarnation!

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What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. Yeah, thats right, being a one month old fetus and remembering what it was like. None of it makes any sense. But that doesn’t stop these lovely people from sharing their craziness and luckily for them there is a place like Child Past Lives to do it in.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this bottomless pit of bizarre jibber jabber. I barely scratched the surface!


Lou Does the Comedy Nerds Podcast: a XXX Parody.

Comedy Nerds One and All

Hey people. Just wanted to drop you a line to tell you that I did a guest spot on the often times entertaining (when I’m on it) podcast “The Comedy Nerds.“ They wanted to do an episode about the trend of XXX Parody versions of popular comedy shows and who better to talk about filth than yours truly. So if you’ve got some time to spare check out the show! We had a lot of fun watching the 30 Rock parody and some hilarious stuff was said… if I recall correctly…

Reviewing The 30 Rock Adult Parody (VERY NSFW)

Also, please enjoy this self-shot neckless photo above. I am imitating a turtle there apparently. Bleh..

Lou Reads: Tales of Being Bullied from Ebaum Nation Forums

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This is the mating call of the Bully.

What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m talking you. You reading this. I said “What the fuck are you listening to??” Oh, wait… the first time I said looking at… Sorry… its just that I used to be a Bully. But now I seek help with my issue by going to forums and reading about how my victims growing up lament the experience. I had assumed that it was a co-dependent experience not just a one sided sado-masochistic display of violence. And I gotta tell you it turns me on… Well, I said I’m working on it. Anyway, this weeks podcast is comprised solely of tales of teen woe and bullying from the members of Ebaum Nation Forum. I hope you find it entertaining. I know reading it made me laugh!

Don't Attract The Bullies Attention. Let Her Take the Damage...

Won’t you please enjoy the latest episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Episode 52: Tales of Being Bullied.


Lou Reads about Vampire Awakenings from Sanguinarius

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Pity the poor misunderstood vampire! How they must suffer the slings and arrows of the normal world… Okay, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I think people who think they are vampires are retarded. I can understand the idea of playing a role when you get to that awkward “Where do I belong” part of your life but this is just dumb. Basically I found a website that lists the best stories of Vampires realizing they are what they are and they are not at all just normal sad teens looking for a reason they are different. Maybe at one time they would have been considered punks or goths… But no. Instead they are somehow forever cursed vampires who just happen to be teens that are getting older. What… EVER…

Get Ready to Be Lame for Eternity!

Okay… In all seriousness, if you are a recently awakened vampire then please go out an buy this book. The New Vampire’s Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night. It could be the difference between a life of running from the Hunters and one of regular teenage nerd stuff!

In honor of the dearly departed Wesley Willis…


Lou Reads: OFEAR.com the Phobia Forum

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Its time to look deep inside yourself and think about what terrifies you. Not rational fears like death or loss of your job. Things that terrify you irrationally. Well if you are a’fear’d of anything irrationally and need a place to see if you’re not alone then ofear is the place for you.

I also fear my fingers getting stuck into my face!

Without further delay I present to you the ofear.com forum read from Lou Reads. If you are afraid of listening to the podcast I recommend you go to ofear to see if there is such a thing as Podcastophobia.

Lou Reads: Rantallion – The Low Hanging Balls Support Group

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I know, you’re saying “Finally! A podcast that is all about guy stuff!” Yes, I finally gave in and did a podcast about everyones favorite subject: Guys with really long balls. Low Hangers they call them. Apparently there are guys out there with naturally saggy or droopy testicles and this forum is where they get together to chat about how apparently great it is.

One Giant Raccoon with Huge Balls as Requested

Now some people weren’t born with this “gift” so they resort to all manner of cock and ball torture to lengthen their scrotums. It’s really quite insane. Please heed this warning: If you have a weak stomach do not go to this website. Even I had to stop looking at it and my eyes have seen some seriously awful stuff!

This is actually something you are supposed to put your penis in... No joke...

Without further ado won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of Rantallion AKA The Low Hanging Support Group. If you’re up for you it can read more about it at the Something Awful Weekend Web thread about the this site and one that is for people who like not wear underwear.