Lou Reads: The Sneeze Fetish Forum

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Have you ever heard someone sneeze and gotten totally turned on? How about you heard someone with a stuffed up nose trying to talk and gotten super aroused by it?

I need two hankies! One for my nose and the other....

No? Well, then you’re a normal person who is not at all very weird at least in the whole sneeze fetish sense. You may be an absolute weirdo about something else.. Look I’m not judging you. That is unless you’re already a member of this forum and thats because these people are very weird and the thats because they are sneeze fetishists. They proudly wave their freak flags in the safe haven of the appropriately named Sneeze Fetish Forum. If you don’t get what they are into you’re just being obstinate. Now one thing I found really interesting in the posts I read was that no one on this stupid forum ever talks about actual sex. Just that they love sneezes and get all frustrated or how they are going to explode. Where is the release, people? Anyway, you may not believe your ears when you hear the absurdity of this podcast. But it takes all kinds I guess… Just be aware that the next time you sneeze someone nearby may just be getting a boner (or explode-y)  because of it….

What a sneeze slut! She's asking for it! (it being a tissue)

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads The Sneeze Fetish Forums!

Lou Reads: The Poop Report Forums. The Scoop about Poop!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

So it has come to this. An actual website dedicated to talking about poop. Sure, people have issues with their poop. It’s a dirty shameful business. But the levels of hang-ups people have with their pooping is pretty out there. Believe me, I’ve seen it all working at a university. I’ve even ecountered people who actually do some of these things discussed in this weeks podcast. See if you can’t figure out which one matches this picture that I actually made for the bathroom on my floor.

This is the tip of the nastiness iceberg at my job

At least the person who smears poop all over the stall only struck once. There really isn’t much to say about this site except to acknowledge that there are some severely damaged people in this world. And this week their damage is all about the poopin’ and the fartin’! Enjoy listening to your poop chat from Poop Report dot com.

Lou Reads: Stories of Awkward Sex Times (NSFW)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

I can't believe that condom was still inside me...

You’re probably like, “Why you gotta do another sex podcast, you pervert.” Look, I am old. So fucking old. I am living vicariously through you good people and all your fucky sucky stories. Even the ones where things go terribly wrong. At least then I come out a winner because even though I am not having sex* at least it isn’t the terrible awkward kind these people are having. Once again I’m delving into the wonderful world of the Something Awful forums to share what they have shared with the world. As always, the Goons spin some of the best yarns around! Won’t you please enjoy the Stories of Awkward Sexual Encounters.

*Authors note: I have had sex recently. It was not awkward.

** Double Authors note: Also, I was just listening to this podcast at work and discovered that people tend not to like hearing about sex in general, in public. Oh society, when will you catch up with me? Get crackalackin!

Lou Reads: Witch Forums. Spirit Attacks and Ouija Boards, OH MY!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

So you wanted another podcast even though I’ve been sick? So Mote it Be! This week I delved into the wonderful world of  Witchcraft at WitchForum.Net. This is another of the fabulous forum featuring people who happen to actually appear to believe they are doing magic. Luckily we are spared the bloody mess of the Lucky Mojo Forums read. But that doesn’t mean it gets any less stupid.

Disney must not sue!
Boil boil toil and... this is going to taste terrible.

In high school my girlfriend was into Wicca and being the asshole I was back then I never missed a chance to mock and scorn it. Later in life I felt regret for being as asshole about the whole thing. After reading this forum I don’t quite feel so bad anymore. These people are nuts! Through her Wicca connections I met a another Wiccan kid in high school who proudly claimed he gave one of the guys in Duran Duran a blowjob so you know that magic works! Well, if you’re ready to listen to the podcast then cast a protection circle around your headphones and imagine your sanity in an orange aura of serenity. You’re gonna need it!

Na Na Na Na Na BAT WITCH!

ALSO! Listen all the way to the end of the podcast to hear the details of how to get my Lou Reads special give away! What is it? ITS A MAGNET THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!

Try not to hurt yourself running to get one!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of WitchForum.net


Sorry friends, I’ve been sick.

Sorry for the delay in podcastings. I’ve been saddled with some crazy upper respiratory bug for a goll-durn week. To top it off it was my birthday this weekend. Perhaps unwisely I managed to have a party with the help of codeine cough syrup (yes prescribed) and  sudafed. I returned to work this morning and got hit with some shitty fever and more coughing so I’m going home. So this has precluded my recording and editing. I did record something last night as a test. It is comically ill sounding. I will probably post it anyway.

Sick boy with a paige boy cut. Sexy.
I shouldn't have licked that tramp on a bet.

Stay tuned, though. Because I ordered some stuff to give away from Vista Print. I’ll put details about how to get your grub net paws on this stuff in the next podcast. If you have suggestions for other things I might give away feel free to comment on this post or on the facebook fan page.

Lou Reads: The Avatar Forum

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Kaltxi Ayeylanur oeyä! Let me tell you, it was harder than mounting my first Ikran to get through this episodes forum. At least with the Ikran you know its either going to work or you’re going to die. With the Avatar Forum I often wished I would die and yet did not. Both feats took amazing force of will so, you know… I got that going for me. Plus I got me a Ikran bird-dragon to ride… which is nice.

Who doesn't want to have sex with this? LIAR!

Seriously though, when is the last time a movie was so amazing that it made people so crazy they were depressed they couldn’t live on the fake planet in it. It wasn’t Planet 51, I can assure you. Anyway, these people love Avatar. They love it hard and long. If they spent 1/4 of that energy working on the planet they live on instead of wishing they were blue or having sex with a blue person (I get kinda depressed sometimes. Does that count for blue?) … well you get the idea.

This gives me a Space Boner!

You probably didn’t read this far… sigh. But if you did… THANKS! Without further ado won’t you please enjoy THE AVATAR FORUM


Lou Reads: The Dick List

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Thats right! I am yelling because I am a Dick!

Oh Ladies. I am so sorry you have to put up with us horrid and flawed man-creatures. For too long there was no where outside of coffee klatch or lesbian book store that women could go to complain about men in a widely available manner.

Well, back in the early days of the inter-web-tubes one woman realized that she could use the internet to fashion her rage at men into a sharp pokey-poking stick to jab at men and reveal them for the dicks there are. Thus was born “The Dick List” and I stumbled upon it back in the early 2000’s. I was just reminded of it by a comment here at Lou Reads and I decided to go back and see if it was still around. Alas, it had been lost to the internet sands of time. Struck down by the cruel reality of domain registration lapses. Luckily archive.org still had some of the hilarious complaints stored. I barely scratched the surface! Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: THE DICK LIST.

Lou Reads: Drug Trip Reports from Bluelight

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

I love when people share their stories with me. Thats why I love the interwebs. It’s all people sharing all the time! Well this episode I’m revisiting some of my favorite kinds of sharing! I love when people talk about their drug experiences. Good or bad I think what people experience in their altered states is hilarious. I mean who can’t relate, right? You’re probably on drugs right now you dirty hippy. Anyway, I love drug trip stories. They are part confession, part bragging and part warning all in one. If someone tells you a story about having a close call with a drug they may really be warning you not to do it but in their heads they are shining their knuckles on their lapels and checking their nails. They are head-space explorers, you pissant!

I love me some drug trip reports

Lou Reads in no way condones all this illegal drug use. You should definitely not do drugs around Lou. Specifically do not say Crack or Freebase…. unless you got some…

Lou Reads: Steady Health Forums. How Body Werks?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

Dear people. Please pay attention when you are in school. Especially when you are in sex education class! For the love of god don’t just giggle and guffaw through it or you might end up like these poor people. As you will soon hear these fools are busy at work asking the internet things they should have learned in school or asked a doctor about.

Moron
Pay attention in School

Some of these questions aren’t stupid but odd. What I found most amazing was the amount of people claiming to have the exact same issues. What are the chances that you’ll find 15 women who recently had abortions who want to talk about it on a random health forum. Well one thing is for sure. The women at SteadyHealth.com are easy and won’t make you wear a condom.

Won’t you please enjoy LOU READS THE STEADY HEALTH FORUMS.

Lou Reads: The Daily Diaper! A Place for Adult Babies.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: RSS

What is there to say about adults that like to dress up like babies and poop and pee in their diapers? Besides shunning them and calling them on their twisted shit? Not much really. I mean these people are seriously damaged. They crave a simpler time. And somehow this time is directly tied to being able to take a shit in their pants.

A grown man in a diaper I don’t blame you if you’ve already closed the window. Why this is a simpler time I don’t know. I mean it harkens back to when someone had to take care of you but somehow dressing like a baby doesn’t seem like a stress reliever to me. Nor does filling my pants with waste. Oh, I’m sure it’s MUCH deeper than that for these poor souls. Or maybe not…. This particular fetish is one I find super stupid. It combines play acting, effort and just so much nonsense that I can’t even entertain it. Yes, I am judging you, freaks. Wahhhhh.

A dummy man in a diaper

Without any more delay won’t you please enjoy the grand stupidity known as the forums at the Daily Diaper. GAGA GOO GOO!!! WAH WAH!!!