Category: Non-Offensive

Lou Reads all about Real Faeries!

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Have you ever lost something of value mysteriously? You may have thought it was a your thieving junky son, home from college! But perhaps there is something more magical afoot! Have you heard invisible people singing? It doesn’t mean you’re having a psychotic episode or that your forgot you’re wearing an iPod. It could be that a member of a magical race of tiny people could be trying to tell you they are there for no reason! Welcome to the wonderful world of faeries and the people who believe in them. Welcome to RealFairies.net

Almost as bad as the people who wish Avatar was real… almost…

As far as silliness on the internet goes this forum is pretty tame. That doesn’t stop it from being very very silly.

Lou Reads Tales of Soul Crushing Moments from the Something Awful Forums

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I have to go cry now.

I know this episode will seem short but let me tell you that recording it felt like it took forever. Not sure why. Anyway, this time around I’m reading peoples tales of what they consider to be Soul Crushing times in their lives. Some of these stories you’ll probably say, “Seriously? That crushed you? Get a life!” but I’ll bet some of them make you go, “Ugh… how awful…” Unless you are an emotionless automaton… You aren’t… are you?

To see the original thread on the Something Awful forums please go here: Cuts Like a Knife: Soul-Crushing Things People Have Said To You

I apologize in advance for the incredibly annoying fuzzed out sound in this episode. Once again my recording was plagued with tech problems. My brand new Yeti Pro mic by Blue Microphones appears to have shit the bed and made this episodes fuzzed out sound. So it looks like I’ll be sending it back… Really a bummer. I hope it isn’t too hard to listen to… I’m actually really bummed about it. I won’t say it was soul crushing moment though. That’s a bit much.

Lou Reads from the Arachnoboards. Creepy Crawly People!

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Hey there, true believers! Are you ready for some tales of eight legged wonders? How about stories about owning poisonous centipedes? How about the best way to handle your spiders? Are you man enough to do it barehanded? Or will you need to cool them down in the fridge first? Huh? YOU PUSSY!

Check out my sack!

This weeks episode is all about lovers of arachnids and arthropods who weave their posts on the Arachnoboards. I apologize in advance for its length. I was caught in the trap of the dreaded Podcast Spider!

Worth 48 Hours of Searing Pain, Fershur!

Sorry… thats a face (is it a face?) only a mama ‘pede could love!


Lou Reads: A Forum for Adults Who Love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

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Hay Everypony! I don’t want to hear any neighsaying about this episode of Lou Reads. I really got my hooves dirty on this one. Sure its not about gross sex, removing your balls or teen vampires but for me there is something inherently creepy about adults who get so bananas for a cartoon about . Now, these people set up this nice new forum so they could escape from persecution at a less tolerant forum. Sadly someone told me about it and I decided to read all about it. Now, in the name of fairness I’m including an episode of the MLP:FiM in this post. See if you can resist the allure of the cuteness of… of… PONIES!

As you’ll find out in the podcast there are quite a few people who are crazy about this cartoon! And as promised I found a horrible post to read for you guys from one of the other forums. Warning: This story is really a downer on many levels. However it does involve in a very odd way. I don’t know if “Enjoy” is the right term… but its all I got. ENJOY!

Thanks for stopping by the blog! Make sure your rate the show on iTunes and tell everyone you know that they need to hear all about the stuff they didn’t want to know about. It builds character!


Changes Afoot at Lou Reads!

Dearest Stalwart Listeners,

King Lou Fernandez
Delicious Pen

There are changes going on at Lou Reads. You may have already guessed that from the title of this post! Nothing crazy drastic. Basically I got fed up with all the weird aborted downloads I was hearing about and decided to switch media hosts. Right now I’m trying out BluBrry. They seem alright so far but a lot of episodes didn’t get slurped down by their media-slurper thing so I’m trying to figure out how to remedy that. Other nice-ness is that you can now embed Lou Reads podcasts into your own blogs or websites. Sadly it doesn’t do forum BBCODE but hopefully an iFrame is good enough for you. So, anyway, if there is a file or two missing from iTunes or a post I hope to have them linked back up ASAP. I’m just waiting on BluBrry support to get back to me…

In other news the first Lou Reads magnet photos have started to come trickle in. Get in on the awesome paper/photo/receipt holding fun and send me your name and address and I’ll send you your very own Lou Reads magnet. How does it work? I don’t know. Miracles! Here are the first two photos!

Lou enjoys an exhibit in Chicago
DONT YOU MUNCH ME!

Thanks everyone! New episode out soon!

BLAMMM!!! TWO MORE SHOTS TO THE DOME!

I know! You we’re just asking “Whats up with Lou? Has he recorded any more Voice Overs that aren’t about the horrors of the internet?” Well, how nice of you to ask! I just got my hands on two of the latest commercials I’ve worked on. So if you’re bored check these out!

This was for the New York Times! The Old Grey Lady just got Read By Lou!

Now back to recording the horrors. New podcast coming out soon!

Lou’s Latest Mac Tip (Video)

Howdy podcast fans and people who come here through image search. I hope you’re having a great day. He’s something to put a cherry on top of that sundae of a day you’re bound to have today. It’s my latest Mac Tips video. I hope you’ll enjoy following and learning along. You probably won’t learn anything, actually…


Lou Reads: The Magic Cafe Forums! Magical Topics for Wielders of Evil Forces

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I’m sure there is one thing we can all agree on and that is that “Magic” is an evil and deceptive art sent by the devil to convince us that coins were up our noses or that there is an super long stream of hankies somewhere in our ears that ends in some spotted boxer shorts. The Devil’s work I tell you!

Sorry, Lucifer, it was the 3 of Clubs. Better luck next time!

At least thats what I believed until I discovered The Magic Cafe and it’s sub forum for Christian Magicians. They showed me how you CAN do magic in the name of HIM who is HE who is GOOD and LIVING and LOVING and all the other words used to attribute emotions to imaginary stuff. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy listening to the mildly mind numbing discussions of how to do magic as a good Christian magician. Fasten your seatbelts! It’s about to get…. something!!!


Lou Reads about Past Lives and Reincarnation!

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What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. Yeah, thats right, being a one month old fetus and remembering what it was like. None of it makes any sense. But that doesn’t stop these lovely people from sharing their craziness and luckily for them there is a place like Child Past Lives to do it in.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this bottomless pit of bizarre jibber jabber. I barely scratched the surface!


Lou Reads about Vampire Awakenings from Sanguinarius

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Pity the poor misunderstood vampire! How they must suffer the slings and arrows of the normal world… Okay, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I think people who think they are vampires are retarded. I can understand the idea of playing a role when you get to that awkward “Where do I belong” part of your life but this is just dumb. Basically I found a website that lists the best stories of Vampires realizing they are what they are and they are not at all just normal sad teens looking for a reason they are different. Maybe at one time they would have been considered punks or goths… But no. Instead they are somehow forever cursed vampires who just happen to be teens that are getting older. What… EVER…

Get Ready to Be Lame for Eternity!

Okay… In all seriousness, if you are a recently awakened vampire then please go out an buy this book. The New Vampire’s Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night. It could be the difference between a life of running from the Hunters and one of regular teenage nerd stuff!

In honor of the dearly departed Wesley Willis…