Category: Jibber Jabber

Dearest Lou Readers: Gone Fishin’

Hey Lou Reads Fans, Listeners and General Lay-Abouts,

Sorry for not posting this earlier but I’m on vacation! I’m resting the golden pipes of internet horror for another week but I’ll be back at it next week. I started recording a podcast about services that arrange meet-ups between lonely American losers and Russian black-widows who want to come to the US so they can claim domestic abuse, leave their American loser and then marry a proper Russian guy like momma wanted. Its REALLY DEPRESSING! I may shelve that to do one about how awesome sex on Crystal Meth. Thats if I can stop having amazing meth-fueled sex…. I am raw!

In the meantime check out this band. They were nice enough to send me a praise-filled email asking to include part of one of my podcasts on their CD. I said “I guess…” and here is the result. FUR by Eat Babies?.

Now I please excuse me while I go back to the beach to be cooled with a palm frond by my Russian bride. What? Oh, she got that black eye from falling on a door knob. Don’t forget to send me your suggestions for stupid things to read!

Yours truly,
Lou (Reads)

Pre-Vacation Photo. Note the Stress...


Lou Reads about Past Lives and Reincarnation!

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What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. Yeah, thats right, being a one month old fetus and remembering what it was like. None of it makes any sense. But that doesn’t stop these lovely people from sharing their craziness and luckily for them there is a place like Child Past Lives to do it in.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this bottomless pit of bizarre jibber jabber. I barely scratched the surface!


Sorry friends, I’ve been sick.

Sorry for the delay in podcastings. I’ve been saddled with some crazy upper respiratory bug for a goll-durn week. To top it off it was my birthday this weekend. Perhaps unwisely I managed to have a party with the help of codeine cough syrup (yes prescribed) and  sudafed. I returned to work this morning and got hit with some shitty fever and more coughing so I’m going home. So this has precluded my recording and editing. I did record something last night as a test. It is comically ill sounding. I will probably post it anyway.

Sick boy with a paige boy cut. Sexy.
I shouldn't have licked that tramp on a bet.

Stay tuned, though. Because I ordered some stuff to give away from Vista Print. I’ll put details about how to get your grub net paws on this stuff in the next podcast. If you have suggestions for other things I might give away feel free to comment on this post or on the facebook fan page.

Lou Reads: The Rapture Forums Forums

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The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!

Do you hear them? The trumpets! The trumpets! Oh lawdy lawdy! Lawdy done come to take me up to my reward!!!!

Oh wait. It’s just that guy with the kicking stereo system down the street. Dang. I thought for sure it was the rapture. Sorry everyone, false alarm. You can stop the wailing and gnashing of teeth, I guess. Or wait… Maybe I was left behind? No… No… it was just a false alarm. Yes. Thats it…. I’m not the one who is burning in Hell on earth. Thats going to be you… Which is fine by me….

Oh my. Its the rapture again! Thats right, the fighting jesus is coming and he’s going to be super pissed at what a bunch of jerks you all are. Not me of course. Jesus loves me. Yes he do. Well, if he does its not because of anything I’m doing for him. These people however are placing all their hopes and dreams on getting all rapturized in the near future.  And in their preparation for the end times and tribulations they indulge themselves in trying to decipher the signs god is sending them or the Devil is sending them or someone is sending them. And well they just love to talk about it. So won’t  you join me now as I read for you the kooky ramblings of the fanatics at the Rapture Forums.


Sorry for the Delay in Disturbing Hilarity

I made this for you because I can't cry in real life.

Hello friends. I’m sorry about the continued delay in amusing offerings. I just bought a new fancy-shmancy microphone and it came with ProTools. I’ve been trying to learn how to use it just to do my simple stuff but ProTools hates me to pieces. Every time I sit down to try it out I end up walking away because of some technical difficulty that makes no sense. Now I’m sure all you protools masters out there will say “of course your issue makes sense. You forgot to flip on the jimjam meter when you deviated from the dipdorp conundrum.” Well to you I say “ProTools LE shouldn’t be so insanely complicated. They should have a novice default layout for itself.” For the time being I am going to try to just record some little dumb things  to hold you over. Don’t you quit on me!!! Not after all we’ve been through.

Also, if you know a forum I should be reading out-loud into the  microphone for the people then by all means shoot me a comment or something at kinglou AT the gmails. Me want to hear you long time.

In the meantime may I recommend the following podcasts to fill your days.

The Flophouse, The Comedy Nerds, Jordan Jesse GO! and Comedy Death Ray (will launch iTunes). You will enjoy these in my absence and I will return so very soon! Look for me in the East at the Third Moon! (thats my favorite gay bar.)

I’m not dead!

Hello friends. I don’t care if you don’t think we are. I think we are and that distinction makes all the difference. Just wanted to let you know that I’m not dead. I didn’t forget to read the internet for you. I am on vacation! I actually just survived the awesomeness of  hurricane Bill. Here is a pic of the ocean surge pushing up the steps of our vacation home at high tide. Normally its about 50-60 feet away!!!

Ocean Surges up the Steps of our vacation house

I also go hired to do some voice-over work while I was on my vacation. Luckily I had my mic. Sadly I have another job to edit on my vacation so no new Lou Reads until I am back in the grind in NYC. In the meantime please enjoy this classic video made by my friends Rob and Sam. I play a drug dealer in this video they made before they moved to LA and broke my heart.


When I get back I’ll be reading more delightful bestiality forums and a forum I recently discovered which deals with how to cast a love spell on a person with a candle!
Later,Lou