Funny Stories – Page 5 – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads: A Forum for Adults Who Love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

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Hay Everypony! I don’t want to hear any neighsaying about this episode of Lou Reads. I really got my hooves dirty on this one. Sure its not about gross sex, removing your balls or teen vampires but for me there is something inherently creepy about adults who get so bananas for a cartoon about . Now, these people set up this nice new forum so they could escape from persecution at a less tolerant forum. Sadly someone told me about it and I decided to read all about it. Now, in the name of fairness I’m including an episode of the MLP:FiM in this post. See if you can resist the allure of the cuteness of… of… PONIES!

As you’ll find out in the podcast there are quite a few people who are crazy about this cartoon! And as promised I found a horrible post to read for you guys from one of the other forums. Warning: This story is really a downer on many levels. However it does involve in a very odd way. I don’t know if “Enjoy” is the right term… but its all I got. ENJOY!

Thanks for stopping by the blog! Make sure your rate the show on iTunes and tell everyone you know that they need to hear all about the stuff they didn’t want to know about. It builds character!

Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments from the Forums of Something Awful

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Whoa… wait… what? Did that just happen… whoa… wait… WHOA!

Greetings, mellow fellows. Its been too long since I ventured in to the smoke filled corridors of the memories of stoners. “Wait,” you’re saying, “aren’t stoners memories highly suspect?” Ha, you said “highly.” Well, stoners may have short term memory effects about stuff like what just happened on that show they were watching or what they were just talking about but they rarely forget when something hilarious or other wise momentous happens. So I found a great thread in the Something Awful forums about shared stoner moments and then, predictably, I read them. I’m sure many of you will appreciate and relate to the tales within. The rest of you… are probably narcs…

Advice Yoda Gives - Right now High you are — I sense much weed in you! Share you must!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments!

Lou Reads Escort Reviews from Punternet

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Welcome to the wonderful world of prostitutes… I mean escorts… Finally someone made a website that has stepped up to these unlicensed sex menaces and had the guts to let Johns anonymously complain about their services.

terrible-prostitute — Ok, we can do it, but if the sex sucks I am going to complain on the internet!

I mean, how many of you out there have called an escort, had sex and then wished you had someone to complain to? Of course, in the past the fact that having sex for money is totally illegal has stood in the way of the TRUTH! NO LONGER! Okay, so this site has been around for at least a decade but still… these hookers had it coming! Well… truth be told the reviews are mostly positive but I didn’t read those. Why? Because complaining is so much more fun to listen to! Also, the positive reviews tend to be written like Penthouse Forum letters and reek of false advertising. How many Johns can really wax poetic about the dirty sex they just paid for? I guess check out punternet.com and find out! Thanks for listening!

BLOG ONLY BONUS TRACK!

Lou Does a Guest Spot on the FlopHouse Podcast

Hey there, Fellers. As I mentioned in the last episode of Lou Reads (See Previous Post) I sat in on my pal Dan’s movie related podcast, The Flop House Podcast.

We watched the not so great movie “KILLERS!” For those not familiar with the podcast we watch a movie that has already come and gone from the theaters and then talk about it. For extra bonus fun I talk about seeing Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark on Broadway and about what a train-wreck is was. SO if you get a chance, check out The Flop House Podcast: KILLERS. I predict you will be in a state of entertainment at some point in the podcast. If not… well maybe you should ask yourself why you’re so angry…

Don’t fret, though. I’m busy looking for new horrible stuff to read about for you. Perhaps I’ll be taking a break from the HYPER-WRETCHEDNESS of the last bunch. I’ll even see if I can go a podcast without talking about excretions! See you later!

Lou Reads: Shoe Sessions Forum. A Place to Cum in Shoes! NSFW

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piss-filled-shoes — Wait till you see your Golden Air Jordans!

So… first of all… welcome to a new year! Thats right, it’s 2011 and I’m starting this year off with a bang! Wait… do you hear that? What’s that sound? If you guessed the gentle sound of urine filling a pair of women’s shoes you guessed right! If you guessed that it was human semen you may have also been correct if you went to this forum. Shoesession.com is a site dedicated to the myriad world of shoe fetishism. Not just the love of shoes but also the serious defiling, staining and plain old ruining of shoes. WHAT? Yeah. So get ready for some serious illness in your ears. Its not as bad as the Breeding Zone podcast but its up there! If you find out that someone you love is into this fetish you may require some Urine Off Odor and Stain Remover for your shoes…

Hey! Here’s that audio clip that I mentioned in the podcast! HOORAY!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

OH YEAH! FOLLOW LOU READS ON TWITTER! <– CLICK THAT

Lou Reads: What the hell is this shit? Tales of Terrible Xmas Gifts!

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Go ahead! Open your present! I thought long and hard about what to get you and I really think it shows… Go ahead…

magical_moments_game_moxley — This is what all 22 year olds want this year!

We’ve all been there! It’s Christmas today and you are probably going to have to put on the happy face for a gift you don’t like at all. You probably won’t even have the slightest clue as to why someone would even think you would like something like this thing you’re holding. “DON’T YOU PEOPLE KNOW ME AT ALL!!??!!,” you’ll scream as you storm up to your room and start texting about how much you hate your family… Well the last podcast of the year at Lou Reads is all about this special moment in a persons life. The moment you peel off the wrapping and look in shock at the object picked with care, or maybe not so much, for you. The terrible present moment. I have to thank the Something Awful Goons as always for their fantastic and truthful over-sharing. As always it leads to a great and fun read. If you want to read the stories yourself then please check out the thread here. And remember you can always give someone an AMAZON GIFT CARD!!!

Heres to having a happy, healthy and safe Holiday season. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!!

Lou Reads about Sucky Customers and the Sucks who Serve them at CustomersSuck.com

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You know… I once thought that everyone who has a job loves the job and is grateful for the customers who come in and make that job possible. Oh, what a dreamer I was. Full of grand ideas about how the world worked and free trade economic policies…

customer-service — If more customers did this then I could understand why people felt so angry towards them. Of course if you did the opposite no one would shop at your store. Classic Catch 22....

Then I got a job and realized that customers, for the most part, kind of suck. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I am a customer, too. I try really hard not be a bad customer. I don’t haggle, I don’t smell, I don’t do any of the things people on this forum complain about. I AM THE PERFECT CUSTOMER! Oh wait, I do the thing where I come in and get all the info then buy online… crap… I got too full of myself… and now I’ve paid the price for my hubris… I apologize. Look, my shift is almost over so if you don’t mind I’m just going to shut the register down and get some Dunkin Donuts and go home and cry…

While you imagine me crying and eating glazed donuts (such salty sweetness) won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads from the forums of Customers Suck dot com

Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates

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Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am out of here unless you move out then I wouldn’t mind taking over your room…

Photo illustration by Tyler Metcalfe/The Daily — Do you mind if I practice my guitar while you sleep?

Bad roommates are like a test from the universe. My question is what do bad roommates get out of living with good roommates? I mean besides living like the filthy inconsiderate bastards they are without consequence, of course. Now, I’ll admit that in my life I’ve been a bad roommate at times. Mainly due to my extremelyÂ privilegedÂ upbringing where I was taught that I am better than most people. I’ll just say that I’m glad that the internet was not a huge deal when I was in college or surely my name would have been in this podcast, too!

I just stand by the fact that no matter how bad I was as roommate I was never as bad as the infamous “Fecal Lasagna” Roommate.

Thanks to the Something Awful goons for all their tales of roommate woe!

Lou Reads Anonymous Confessions from GroupHug.us

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Hey, have I ever told you this horrible secret that I have? No? Oh right, that’s because it’s a terrible horrible secret that I can never share with anyone I know! Or at least thats what I thought until I came across the site known as GroupHug.us!

crying_confession — I ATE THE LAST DONUT

Much like a FML website its a place for people to drop their gems of personal confessions. Some are short, some are long, some are painfully honest and some are just stupid bullshit thought up by jerks. To me Â that makes it a mixed bag of internet wonder!

Won’t you join me in shaking my head in amazement at this short assortment of crazy confessions.

Lou Reads: All About Marrying the Russian Girl of Your (Bad) Dreams

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A wise man once said, “To make a family in America you marry a woman. In Russia, WOMAN MARRIES YOU!”

Russian Skank! — Thank you for bring me your country. Now, how you say, I marry good Russian boy.

Man, its times like these when I am glad I married me an American lady. Sure, I know they are hard to deal with. What with their nagging and their “Why do you spend all your time doing that podcast for no money?” and their “stop cursing in front of my mom” and their “I can’t breathe when you stand on my windpipe.” Its not all wine and roses. But at least its not what these guys have going on. These guys want anything but an American girl. I’d say they want someone who they imagine isn’t corrupted by the temptations of the West. Little do they realize that they aren’t corrupted because they aren’t here yet! I mean if they think meeting American hot babes is hard at least they aren’t traveling around the globe to a meet a chick who barely speaks English. THAT sounds hard. But whatever. Just listen to the podcast already, tovarich. Dasvidaniya!