Author: King Lou

Lou Reads: Stories of People Who Can’t Handle Their Weed

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Dudes and dudettes,

How many times have you had to have this conversation with your significant other?

“Oh man, I don’t want your cousin coming over tonight. Why? Because I just got some amazing weed and I want to try out this sweet new bubbler pipe thingy. Are you kidding me? No he can’t have some. Don’t you remember? He’s going to want to have some of this sticky-icky dank bud and you know he can’t handle his weed!”

I’m sorry if I am opening up old wounds. There is hardly anything worse than dealing with people who can’t handle their weed. It’s even worse than watching your dog get run over (This is my way of apologizing to you about that one time, mom). Okay, maybe watching something you love die is worse. But its definitely annoying to say the least to have someone who can’t handle their smoke start acting a fool and harshing your mellow.

Join me then, won’t you, as I regale you with tales of marijuana smoking sessions gone wrong. These true tales offered up once again by the lovely people of the internet for your listening pleasure.

STORIES OF PEOPLE WHO CAN’T HANDLE THEIR WEED: EDIT FIXED 8/3/09 – RE-FIXED 4/15/2011

Lou Reads: The Large Penis Support Group

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Look, of all people, I know what a burden it can be to have an extremely large penis. I mean, the word large is not even descriptive enough to really do it justice. Is there even a word? Gi-dong-gantulous? I would post pics but its kind of like looking at the sun. You should really only do it with protective gear involved. I digress.

The Large Penis Support Group is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a forum for men with large peens to get together and talk about the wonderful world of giant dong-dom. Of course there are some women in the mix too. For who is the receiver of all this oversized beef? Oh, right, all the gay guys on the forum. Well there are some ladies on there, too. I didn’t read any of their posts but they are on there. I assure you… Anyway, once again I joined with the SA Goons to explore the depths of the silliness of this forum and we came up with some gems. Won’t you please enjoy my reading of the LPSG.

On note: I decided to break out of the mold and read this site in the style of a over-the-top morning DJ so it’s EXTRA stupid but also made me laugh quite a bit. Let me know what you think.

LOU READS: LARGE PENIS SUPPORT GROUP (CORNY READ)

Lou Reads: Litrotica – 100% Free (Gross) Sex Stories

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Hey did you say are looking for a place to share your story ideas? You know the ones. The really sexy story ideas… Come on. Don’t be shy. Your stories about all the intergenerational incest and pooping and peeing and the corrupted sex and… Oh, that wasn’t you? Huh. I could have sworn it was you. Well then why the hell did I got to the Litrotica forum? Oh right, I went there as another foray of the weekend web a few months ago and so I could do a podcast about it. Thats right. Well if you ever do want to write those kind of stories Litrotica is your kind of place. Anyway, since I thought it was for you I wrote some stories in the vein and I thought… oh… you don’t want to read them? Well I’ll just shoot them to your email and you know, if you’re bored or something…

Litrotica is a fast moving community of erotic storytellers and life-livers. Won’t you please listen as I recount some of the wondrous things I found there? Oh the joy!

Litrotica: Its not erotic stories about being really drunk or high.

Lou Reads: The Bug Chaser Forums

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Happy Independence Day, America! Try not to blow off your fingers!

Surely as a netizen of the cyberness you’ve come across the term “Poz My Neg Ass.” What do you mean you haven’t? Oh, I forget. You have a life and don’t spend every waking hour thinking about the computer. Anyway…

What we have here is a forum for gay men who have or want to have HIV/AIDS. According to Wikipedia:

Bugchasing (or bug chasing) is a LGBT slang term for a subculture of Homosexual men who actively pursue HIV infection.

Bugchasers seek sexual partners who are HIV positive for the purpose of having unprotected sex and sero-converting; giftgivers (also gift givers) are HIV positive men who comply with the bugchaser’s efforts to become infected with HIV.

Yup. Thats right. These people want to get HIV. Once they get it they feel free to have all the anonymous bareback (aka unprotected) sex they can handle with other HIV+ dudes. Now, as you’ll hear some of them aren’t just contented to simply have HIV and give it to people who want it. No, they actively seek to infect people with HIV through deceit or force. Oh what a wondrous world we live in, eh?

Well strap your brain down, put the headphones on and get ready to wave off everyone who asks “Why do you have that horrible expression on your face.” They are really better not knowing. If you want to see the work that went into finding some of the best quotes from that site then check out the Something Awful Weekend Web where I found these items to read. This forum caused some of the hardcorest weekend web guys to cringe and refuse to take part. Be glad I didn’t back down! Now, on to the ear hole destruction!

Lou Reads: Bareback Exchange Bugchasers Forum

Lou Reads: One Star Reviews of Classic Books

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“I can’t believe we have to read all these books over the summer!” If you were like me you said this every single summer after the the summer where books with drawings in them were no longer allowed to count for your book total. Stupid books without drawings in them what with all their words and not drawings in them. Am I expected to imagine what things look like in my mind without the short cut of someone else’s author approved interpretation in illustration form? OH MAN! I am getting heated! These people are also heated. They are all fired up about some classic novels and had to share how much they didn’t like them. ONE STAR! To get you to bother to write a crazy one star review on Amazon you need to really get a person angry. These dead authors should be proud of the hornets nest their words whacked into a frenzy.

I hope you won’t give this podcast episode one star… there really isn’t a reason to do so… unless you’re some kind of jerk on the internet…

LOU READS: One Star Reviews of Classic Books


Lou Videos: Mac Tips on Funny or Die

Hello again, friends. Oh, you say I’ve made the mistake of being to casual before. You’ll have to excuse me. I have a terrible brain problem.

Regardless, I don’t know if you knew but I make videos, too. Normally I just post them to YouTube or what not but today I submitted one of my newest ones to Funny or Die. So won’t you please watch and vote positively for it? Don’t worry more Lou reading is coming right up on it’s normal schedule.

In the meantime please watch this and vote.

Lou Reads: Cuckold Place Forum

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Hey. Have you been thinking lately that it would be a great idea for your wife to have sex with another man while you watched and were demeaned? Are you thinking about letting someone else get your wife pregnant so you can feel humiliated while also ensuring she comes off looking like a whore? Need some advice about how to keep your groin parts clean when you’re wearing that male chastity belt? Well then you’ve probably already found yourself a home over at Cuckold Place Forums. These guys have some serious issues and they just let the nonsense flow. Not for the weak at heart!

Lou Reads: The Rapture Ready Forums

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Oh lawdy! Oh Lawdy! Jesus is a-coming! You best be hoping you ready for the judgement day. Oh lawdy!

This is a lovely forum called Rapture Ready. It’s full of all kinds of End-of-Days type looneys. It won’t take very long for you to get what is wrong with these kooks. When they aren’t busy praying for the rapture to come and snatch them away from the evils of the world (and coincidentally the mortgage that is about to default.) They rail against imaginary Obama power grabs, why jews won’t just listen to the truths of the Bible and a host of other crap which makes them annoying as shit.

Lou Reads posts from the Rapture Ready Kooks

Lou Reads: Your Most Embarrassing Moment

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Hello, my internet friends. We are friends aren’t we. Oh… I see… I suppose I overstepped my boundaries. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again. Lets continue in a business-like manner, shall we. I’m glad you’re being big about this…

This week I am reading to you from a Something Awful thread entitled “Your Most Embarrassing Moment.” In it people share their lowest moments. These moments are often caused by the story teller being a big dummy and paying the price. As an added bonus this week I have included an unedited version of the carrot story from this podcast. I hope it will let you see that I really do have a hard time reading these things! Enjoy!

Lou Reads about Workplace Inefficiency

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Frustrated at work? You’ll relate to these stories then. Listen and enjoy as these people share stories of their annoyance with roadblocks of redtape, stupid people and just plain retarded policies on the job.

Lou Reads Stories of Workplace Inefficiency