Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!
Giving Voice to the Things You Didn't Want to Hear About
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Have we no decency?
No, not at my local movie theater, anyway. I go to this big theater in NYC and its a horrorshow. Imagine how delighted I was to find a large repository of pretty funny and, quite honestly, pretty racist comments about the place on Yelp. Anyway, I hope you enjoy listening to me read the angry rantings of the patrons of the Court Street 12. Somehow that place is still always packed! Sigh…
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Okay, last episode was a tease. It should have been about drugs and it was all about people being crazy. This episode, I make it up to you with a reading from Opiophile.org. As you can probably guess, Opiophile is a website for people who love Opiates. And why wouldn’t they? Everyone says heroin is great and then they say they are coping with their use and then they disappear for a while and then they come back from rehab. It’s great!
Well, I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads. Please try not to OD while listening to it. I’d hate to come home and find you like this unfortunate girl. THANKS!
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Howdy folks. I meant to come to Bluelight.ru to read trip reports but I got distracted by this gem of a confessional thread entitled The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done. I was so taken with its stories that I had to share.
Now, you may find it odd that some people considered these events to be the worst things they have ever done. Especially considering that this is posted in a drug use forum. I mean, someone of them are just kids being kids. On the other hand some of these stories are fucked up! Such is the internet. People just gotta share and for that I thank them. Bless your stereotypically described Cheetos-stained fingers.
UNRELATED BONUS AUDIO.
A friend-of-a-fan commissioned this reading for said fan’s birthday. It was a fun little read and I thought I’d share it with you, too. Of course I waited until the birthday was over. Didn’t want to ruin the surprise after all!
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I know this episode will seem short but let me tell you that recording it felt like it took forever. Not sure why. Anyway, this time around I’m reading peoples tales of what they consider to be Soul Crushing times in their lives. Some of these stories you’ll probably say, “Seriously? That crushed you? Get a life!” but I’ll bet some of them make you go, “Ugh… how awful…” Unless you are an emotionless automaton… You aren’t… are you?
To see the original thread on the Something Awful forums please go here: Cuts Like a Knife: Soul-Crushing Things People Have Said To You
I apologize in advance for the incredibly annoying fuzzed out sound in this episode. Once again my recording was plagued with tech problems. My brand new Yeti Pro mic by Blue Microphones appears to have shit the bed and made this episodes fuzzed out sound. So it looks like I’ll be sending it back… Really a bummer. I hope it isn’t too hard to listen to… I’m actually really bummed about it. I won’t say it was soul crushing moment though. That’s a bit much.
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First off, I would like to apologize to this forum for just straight mutilating the name of the forum for the 1st million times I said its name. The name of this forum is Orgasmanic not Orgasm Maniac or Orgasmania or whatever other retarded ways I pronounced it. I mean, I think you’d have to agree that my mistakes are probably better names for the forum but who knows. Maybe those names were taken. If they aren’t then you should probably go and register them and start your own masturbation forum.
I hope you enjoyed this episode. Sure, its no Fetlife but really, what is… I know its not the grossest but I actually enjoyed how not over-the-top gross Orgasmanic was compared to some of the horrible stuff I’ve read. Not to say that the topics aren’t gross or dumb at times. Its always amazing to see like minded people gleefully sharing their stories that in “polite society” would have people covering their ears in disgust. But then again there you are having it read straight into your ears! I guess thats says a lot about you!!! … and me… *Sob*
Anyway, I hope enjoy this episode. Hopefully next time I’ll have a lot less technical problems!
Hi everybody!
As you may remember over the holidays I offered to record things for you, the fans. In the past people have asked for voicemail or answering machine messages and I’ve been happy to record them. This last holiday season I did a lot of great recordings for people. One request, however, stood out from the rest. A gentleman contacted me about reading some stories for his wife. He and his wife are both big fans of the podcast so he thought it would be great for me to record the stories he would normally make up for his wife before she went to bed. The stories revolve around his wife’s beloved cats, Mr. Mo Mo & Dr. Norman P Nibbles. In all he had me read 5-6 stories about the wacky antics of the furry duo. I asked him if I could share them with the rest of the Lou Reads fans and he said yes! The recordings, as you might imagine, were a total surprise on Christmas Day. They were apparently also a big hit! Hooray! A Christmas Miracle!!!
So, since I just lost a ton of my last recording to yet another crash, I thought I’d share just one of the tales of Mr. Mo Mo & Dr. Norman with you fine folks. So without further ado I present:
The Time Dr. Normal P. Nibbles Pimped out Mr. Mo Mo.
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Meanwhile I’m recording again tonight. When you listen to the next episode keep in mind that I had to re-read a bunch of this junk. Bleh.
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Lou Reads podcast is not responsible for any demons you may invite into your lives by listening to this podcast. Any hauntings, spookings or phantasasmings that may occur post-listening are totally not my fault and are probably a coincidence…
Ok, The Unexplained Mysteries Forum was an interesting place to read from. Why? Because there seem to be just as many rational people on the forum as there are kooks. So instead of the usual “Full Buy In” user who adamantly believes what most people are posting there seems to be a healthy amount of skepticism going on which made it fun to read, too.
As promised here are the haunted voice mails that are mentioned near the end of the podcast.
DID YOU SEE ME? This is the one where he claims that people when he wasn’t in the house himself saw an apparition. Then a voicemail was left saying “Did you see me?” SPOOKY!!! Or not…
There are too many to post on the blog but if you want to scare yourself bored please go ahead and listen to this nonsense that Para2011 posted on his Soundcloud page.
Thanks for listening! I hope you didn’t get too scared by the all the mysteries!
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Thanks to the over-sharing members of the mighty Reddit for sharing their stories in this thread in AskReddit. I would like to commission a study on the apparent high frequency of  three-way sexual encounters and internet use. Are young people having more three-way sex because of the internet? Are internet users more likely to have menage-a-trois? Will they let me watch them? Don’t worry. This is all on the up and up. You know… for science… Yes… Thats why I want to know about it… for science…
I’ll say that I’ve only been in one of these porn like situations once or twice. Sadly, none of them ever came to fruition. One time, I had 2 sisters let me choose between which one I wanted to go to sleep with. I ened up choosing neither because I am a loser… I’m so sad now. I’m a good person… when do I get my IRL porn situation… This world is unfair…
I hope you enjoy this episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Please tell everyone you know about it!
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Waiting tables… sucks. I’ve never done it but I have friends and loved ones who have made the food industry their careers. I’m sure if you’ve worked in a restaurant you’ll relate to these true submitted tales from the people who take your order every day. These particular tales come from the website called
I didn’t mean for this episode to get totally taken over by this whole race issue but wow! There is a lot of comments on this topic. I barely scratched the surface!
EXTRASODE! Originally I was going to read from this Pissed Off Waiters thread from Tribe.net but it was basically dead. I did managed to find some fun stuff to read from it. ENJOY!
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Finally, the new Magnets have shipped! Order now!!!
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Look, I’ve been very busy lately. I had to go work at BlizzCon and then I had to finish some paid work and then I had to do some other junk. It’s really not any of you business… Okay, I’m just feeling bad because it took me so long to get this episode out. In order to make up for it I’ve delved into some of the worst stuff I’ve done. Is it THE worst? I’ll let you decide.
Fetlife is an online community of people from all over the world who get together to discuss, among some topics, how much they like consuming feces and the finer points of crazy gluing a submissive slaves penis to his leg.
My attention was drawn to this fantastic nonsense by the fine folks at Something Awful who featured it in a front page article entitled “Beating a Man in a Trash Bag and Other True Stories from FetLife.com.” Do yourself a favor and check out that hilarious piece.
Anyway, please enjoy this well overdue episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Its gross!
Love,
Lou