Category: True Stories

Lou Reads ep129 Revisits the Forums of Opiophile.com

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Heroin! Opiates! We love them! Who doesn’t?! We all love them equally, too. Well, maybe some people love them a little more than others. If you’re the kind of person who loves them so much that you throw your life away to do them all the time you… well, you’ve put yourself in a bit of a pickle, sonny. But where do you go to talk to people if you’ve decided that a life of occasional bliss and more than occasional constant craving is the thing for you? Why the forums of Opiophile.com of course.

Opiophile is a safe haven for users, abusers & survivors of the dope game where they can come together and discuss everything from their local drug scene, harm reduction and the day to day issues of being a slave to the poppy in it’s numerous forms. Many forums have sections dedicated to heroin and the like but Opiophile is pretty much the only forum I know dedicated to opiates and once again proved to be a very interesting and informative read. I hope you enjoy it.

Other Heroin related sites you may find interesting.

DequinxyJinxie (RIP) – Heroin Glassine Bag Art & Product Review

That Guy’s on Heroin – Street reports and unflattering photos of people nodding (or worse) in public. Focused mainly on junies in Baltimore but also takes submissions from around the world.

HBO’s documentary – Black Tar Heroin: The Dark End of the Street

Lou Reads ep126 – Squat the Planet: Advice for the Homeless by the Homeless

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Hey man, can you spare any change? Spare anything? Even a smile helps. Also a lot of drugs to help me forget I beg for a living and sleep on the streets would help more than a smile. I’m just being honest.

This is what most of the signs mean anyway.
This is what most of the signs mean anyway.

So this episode is about the worldful world of gutterpunks, crusties, hobos, bums or whatever you want to call this nations wandering house-less people. It is amazing, and yet unsurprising, that the homeless have such ready access to the site known as Squat The Planet. But just because they are roaming the world rudderless doesn’t mean they don’t want to have a place to have stupid discussions and share their best criminal practices! Won’t you please enjoy this sampling of nonsense from the pages of StP.

Lou Reads episode 124 – Tales of Creepy Gamers from RPG.net

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This episode takes a peek into the world of role playing gamers and the creepy players they occasionally run into.

This isn't my D&D map. It's my well thought out rape plan.
This isn’t my D&D map. It’s my well thought out rape plan.

That image joke will make more sense if you listen to the episode. Also, don’t play Tomb of Horrors. Even if you win you’ll probably die in the end.

Lou Reads from the Discussions at Virgin-Forums

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Any takers?
Any takers?

Ah, the shame of being a virgin. That awful secret that you haven’t gotten some dummy to let you put your penis in them or given up the nappy dug-out to some chump on a camping trip. What a super awful time in life! Well, that is unless you’re super proud of your choice to not have fun teenage sex, like the people at Virgin-Forum.com. This is a site for people who are virgins, and sometimes not, to get together and talk about their virginity or lack there-of.

A very 9/11 virgin message.
A very 9/11 virgin message. PS: I am offering deflowering services on demand.

Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoy all that post virginity sex you’re all having.

Lou Reads 121: Discussions from the Forums of DefensiveCarry.com

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Hey all you gun-loving podcast fans out there. I know that maybe when you’re listening to podcasts your situational awareness may not be at its height. So, I implore you to look around while you’re listening to this podcast. Also, while listening, please keep your hand on your holster at all times. One can’t be too careful these days. I mean, what if something happened? Would you be ready to defend yourself AND listen to podcasts? These are important topics, to be sure.

Well, in my house I would get the broom because it meant the cat had knocked some shit over.
Well, in my house I would get the broom because it meant the cat had knocked some shit over.

This episode is all about people who are concerned about their right to carry a firearm. So lock the 6 locks on your bedroom door, get inside your safe room and press play. It will all make sense. I promise.

Lou Reads – Anonymous Confessions from 2005

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Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait... yeah, that's fucked up.
Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait… yeah, that’s fucked up.

This episode is drawn straight from the Comedy Goldmine threads from the Something Awful archives. It features en-edited confessions that were sent in anonymously by the members of the Something Awful forums. I hope you enjoy it. The titles pretty much says it all!

On and by the way….

HOLY FIVE YEARS, BATMAN!
HOLY FIVE YEARS, BATMAN!

Lou Reads ep119: Dumb Things Done on Drugs

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I hope you find it a breath of fresh air after the last episodes anal destruction theme. I promise no anal anything this episode. If you want to do some anal stuff while you listen that is your God damn business! This episode is basically people sharing dumb stuff they’ve done on drugs. I don’t have much to say about it beyond that. Maybe, just “Thanks to all the drug users out there who are so wonderfully open about sharing their experiences on the internet.”

I think I'm handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue!
I think I’m handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue!

I hope you enjoy it. You may enjoy it more if you are on drugs.

Lou Reads Black Friday Nightmares from AskReddit

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black-friday1

Hey, 2013 is over! The holiday season is over! What better time than now to look back at the experiences of the retail workers who had to deal with insane shoppers on Black Friday! Ok, I agree. Anytime would have been fine. I picked now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!! Here’s hoping to another year full of internet bizarreness and other related silly pursuits!

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If you’re interested you can find the original Reddit thread here.

Thanks for listening!

Lou Reads Stories of Hooking Up with Celebrities from Groupies (from AskReddit)

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I have never had sex with a famous person but these people (claim to) have… The closest I think I got was harassing Siouxsie Sioux at a bar once. Wait, there was never any chance of me having sex with her. I was just bugging her.

GroupiePeople like to have sex because it fun. But sex with a famous person is so much better, right? Well, the people in these stories proudly claim to have been with famous people, in a biblical way. Or at least they claim to know a person who knows a person…. Well, all that matters is they shared stories. You can choose to believe them or not. I believe everything I read about John Mayer. Enjoy.

Lou Reads ep115: True Stories of Emergency Medical Service Workers

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Hey, next time your pondering taking that razor blade swallowing bet your friends dared you to do, or you’re about to impale yourself with a giant dildo while on your Lil’ Rascal Scooter, take a moment to think of the men and women who work in the local emergency medical services world. Is your stupidity going to make them have to come over to your house and save your stupid ass? Probably… And then guess what! The story of how they had to come and save you is going to end up on the internet! Yup!

I like to imagine this is an emergency related to the the circus... Tsk tsk Mr. Barnum.
I like to imagine this is an emergency related to the the circus… Tsk tsk Mr. Barnum.

This episode is chok’ful of true stories related by the EMS workers of the Something Awful forums. I think that speaks enough for itself. I hope you enjoy it.

Sincerely,
Lou