Sex Stories – Page 3 – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads ep118: Tales of Anal Destruction from FetLife.com

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Hey, I’m talking to you! If would you take that 2 liter bottle of soda out of your ass once in a while maybe you could pay attention to me when I tell you that I just read from the highly disturbing pages of Fetlife.com again. What did I read? Well, it just so happens that I read from a couple of groups who are dedicated to severe ass stretching. So severe, in fact, that I didn’t even feel like I could find an image that would do it justice or that I could stomach… THAT BAD! Ok one image.

CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS! Seriously, these are like a q-tip to these peoples asses... — CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS!

Anyway, please enjoy this episode if you can. It’s full of some pretty intensely crazy… stuff. Thanks for listening!

Lou Reads Stories of Hooking Up with Celebrities from Groupies (from AskReddit)

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I have never had sex with a famous person but these people (claim to) have… The closest I think I got was harassing Siouxsie Sioux at a bar once. Wait, there was never any chance of me having sex with her. I was just bugging her.

People like to have sex because it fun. But sex with a famous person is so much better, right? Well, the people in these stories proudly claim to have been with famous people, in a biblical way. Or at least they claim to know a person who knows a person…. Well, all that matters is they shared stories. You can choose to believe them or not. I believe everything I read about John Mayer. Enjoy.

Lou Reads about The Demons that Cause Wet Dreams.

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I have no words for how silly this episode is. Look, if you think that your nocturnal emissions, wet dreams, night-spooges, etc… are caused by filthy spirits touching your boy/girl parts, then you should probably get professional help. But, if you don’t want to see a brain doctor then go right on ahead to the dumbness known as Stronghold of Satan. There you’ll find many posts on all manner of silly, bible based views of the world.

I wonder how many portals this demon has come through?

Well, sorry if I’m wrong about the whole demon-sex thing being really, really, really silly. Because basically if its true, you’re all doomed to constant filthy, ghost sleep-rape just from listening to my podcast… You’re welcome? *shrug*

Lou Reads from the Forums of Dick Flash

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Hey, you! Check this out! Nope. Lower… lower… yup! Thats my self-esteem! Oh you thought I was trying to show you my dick? Well, since its out you might as well look at it, too. Feel free to not be impressed.

PLEASE RECOGNIZE ME AS A SEXUAL BEING!!!

Ok, so this is a forum where people who are titillated by exposing their junk to unwitting people. Is it sad? Yeah. Are they hurting anyone with their surprise dong exposures? Not physically… but mentally, probably. Well, whatever you think about these unwanted dong viewings this forum serves as a place for guys (and according to the site, girls) to get together and share tips & tricks on how to trick people into seeing their tips… get it? Oh boy, I am way to proud of that joke… Anyway, without further ado, won’t you please enjoy episode 108 of Lou Reads the Internet for you!

Lou Reads from the Forums of DarkFetish.Net – Home of the Cannibal Cop and Friends

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I have to admit, I was getting ready to record something different this week. I was pretty content with my subject. Then something happened. I read a story about the police officer they were calling The Cannibal Cop. The story mentioned that he was on a forum where he and his fellow cannibalism fantasizers hung out and chatted about how awesome it would be to kill and eat people. Unfortunately for this cop his wife found his posts specifically talking about eating her and she called the cops. Luckily for us that story mentioned the forum he hung out at. Unfortunately for me I went there and read from it… for YOU!

Yup, Thats right... So the inference here is that this sad looking girl was kept as a slave, tortured to death and then had her vagina put in a jar as a trophy. Thats normal to think about, right? I mean the photo positioning is pretty hilarious but WTF. — Yup, Thats right… So the inference here is that this sad looking girl was kept as a slave, tortured to death and then had her vagina put in a jar as a trophy. Thats normal to think about, right? I mean the photo positioning is pretty hilarious but WTF.

To be fair this is only one of the many websites the cannibal cop went to but I’m sure you’ll agree this one is enough for now… Right? I’m not sure if enjoy is the right thing to say here… Good luck!

Lou Reads from Fist Forum. All Your Fisting Needs and More!

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The day is finally here! The day I do an episode that is entirely about fisting! I know you thought the day would never come but I finally worked up the courage to push past the tight ring of my resistance to this topic and punch fist my way to the fantastic forums at fistforum.com. If you’re thinking about getting into fisting this is definitely the place to go as you’ll soon see. And you will see… well… you’ll see A LOT of stretched orifices and fists… mainly…

Exactly like this except in your ass... — Fisting is exactly like this except the fist goes in your ass or vagina… you’re welcome.

Sooo…. yeah. Fisting… get ready to bear down and take it all deep in your ear holes. Whatever… ENJOY!

Lou Reads Extrasode from the Cum on Food Forums

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The year is almost over! Believe me, I cannot wait to put 2012 behind me. Sadly thats how I felt about 2011, too. I’ll be recording something tonight but before that happens I just wanted to drop off this extrasode gem from 2011.

Urine Sample — Oh, well, as long as its not cum in my drink I guess its okay…

I hope you enjoy it more than a glassful of urine a “friend” may be sneaking into your drinks.

Lou Reads about Dragon Dildos from the Forums of Bad Dragon

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Honey, I know you’ve been complaining about being bored with our sex life. Now, I’m not comfortable with your suggestion that we invite another man into the bedroom. However I was thinking that you might be open to inviting a giant fantasy dildo instead. I already spent the money soooo…. Merry Christmas!

dragon-penis-xmas — Hasbro had a big recall on this one…

So here we are at the big 100. *Shrug* I hope you enjoyed it! This forum is great because for such a silly product it has some really friendly and enthusiastic customers. I recall when Something Awful discovered Bad Dragon the owner joined SA to talk to people and actually was soliciting the forum members for dildo designs before being banned. Seemed nice enough. You know, for a guy who earns a living making fantasy dildos. Who am I to judge. Who says I am? I’m just reading here. Get off my case.

Oh by the way, here is the baby jesus dildo I mentioned in the epilogue. And here is the magic health tea. It really did help.

Lou Reads Arguments Against Bestiality & Why They Fail

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DogOnGirl — Ok, this dog may be too young to consent…

Look, I know this topic is probably going to split my listenership into two groups. Those who love animals and those who love animals for their hot wet love holes. Well, now that you’re in your two separate groups I expect you to fight to the death! Well, maybe before you do that you should listen to this episode of the podcast. You may come away from this one coming to terms with your deeply buried need to bury your needs into your companion animals. (I know… it’s gross…)

As promised here is a link to the original blog post.

Lou Reads: Bonus Content from Episode 73 – My Brother is my Baby Daddy

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Hey everyone! I just got back from PAX and wanted to give you guys yet another mini-update from the Extrasode archives. This story was cut out of Episode 73: The Forums of Female First for time reasons (I think). This is a lovely short reading about a woman who comes to the most logical conclusion to the problem of her husbands sterility.

to quote my original post

It involves the delightful story of a brother and sister who decide to have babies together and all the details of how they went about it. Its reallyâ€¦ special?

Enjoy?

Bonus content. Here is a picture of me working at PAX!