Magic – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads ep 179 – The Visit Beyond the Vail of Afterlife Forums

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What happens to us when we die? What happens to us before we are born? Somehow the people at this forum know, with certainty, that everything is going to be alright. Especially after you die. This is truly amazing considering I can barely figure out what is happening to me right now, this very second!

Why the fuck the stairs gotta be so long?! It’s like that episode of DBZ! *“Run in the Afterlife, Goku! The One Million Mile Snake Way!!”* Give me a break, I’m dead!

I am fairly certain that at some point during this episode you will say out loud, “What? Wait… what?” That’s because there is more than a little complete nonsense being discussed here. Yes, I am a doubter. This much is clear! I’m also concerned with so many of the people on this site considering suicide in order to get to this next level of experience! If you’re considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Don’t kill yourself because you read on an online forum that the next life is SOOO MUCH BETTER! Amazingly irresponsible… Oh, also the whole “I remember as a baby I was thinking….” thing is so much insane bullshit… I can’t even… A BABY!… sigh…

As promised, here is your unassailable proof of the existence of the life after death. A lawyer who wrote a whole bunch of nonsense about the afterlife!

Lou Reads ep165 – I Put a Love Spell on YOU! Because You’re Mine! Thanks, Ashra.Net

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So… I just wanted you to know that when we broke up I kind of went a little crazy. I was pretty upset and I decided that since we’re soulmates and fated to be together I would speed up our eventual reconciliation by paying real money for a love spell to bring you back to me. I also paid for spell to make your new relationships not work. See, by making sure you couldn’t find happiness with another person it totally made you come back to me in a completely natural way!

So this month’s episode is a reading from the forums of Ashra.net. I was surprised to find that a single spell-caster had her own fairly active forum dedicated almost 100% to discussion about her and how great she is. I was also surprised to discover how many folks out there are willing to spend money on love spells. It’s been a while since I visited the forums of Lucky Mojo and had kind of forgotten about this world of sad people who believe in spells affecting their romantic targets. I mean… they don’t really work… right? Anyway, get ready to hear a lot of praise for this lady! Enjoy.

Lou Reads ep131 – Talk Paranormal To Me

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You know how sometimes you buy a piece of jewelry from an antique store and you can just feel that there is an energy trapped inside? Or when you use a Ouija board that you’re pretty sure may be bringing demons over from the other side into you home? Or you know that feeling you get when you’re pretty sure you’re a tantric vampire? Oh right, you don’t get those because you’re a rational person who doesn’t hang out at the Talk Paranormal forums. Actually, Talk Paranormal is an interesting site with a lot of users dumping a healthy amount of skepticism on each other on a regular basis. All the while encouraging people to chat about their interest in the supernatural and other absurdities. I hope you enjoy it. It’s a long one!

If you see a ghost wearing this hat RUN!

Hey there, thanks a ton for listening to Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! I truly hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoy recording & laboriously editing each one. So, I say again, thank you from the bottom of my internet weakened heart. Keep listening!

Lou Reads from the pages of My Little Waifu

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How do you cope with your day to day struggles? Do you call your mom to vent or maybe see a psychiatrist? Or do instead slowly become convinced you are having a relationship with a fictional character? That is what is happening on the pages of the forum known as My Little Waifu. I won’t even try to explain what I read this time around. It doesn’t make any sense and explaining it requires navigating several different strata of super nerdy nonsense. Just listen… It’s still won’t make any sense but whatever.

Can't we all stop arguing and just agree that we are all really weird ponies? — Can’t we all stop arguing and just agree that we are all really weird ponies?

Terms used in this episode that may require explanation:

1) Waifu
2) Brony
3) Weeabo
4) Clop
5) Ship

And many more…. Please enjoy the podcast & this wonderful selection of Japanese body pillows for you to consider marrying in the future.

Lou Reads Live – MP3 Version

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Hey guys. As you’ll hear on this episode of Lou Reads I had a series of unfortunate events last night & this morning. Lost over an hour of recording & then spilled coffee on all my computer stuff. To hold you over I hope you’ll enjoy this mp3 of the live show I just did. I’ll get right back to recording some stuff as soon as I can! Right now I need a new keyboard. I’m hoping that my mic & MBox Mini2 aren’t coffee soaked junk now. I couldn’t even log in because half the letters in my password weren’t working on the keyboard anymore. *frowny face emoticon*

In happier news the podcast as a new sponsor. SMOKEWIRE.COM is a online headshop that is offering listeners of the podcast 15% Off anything in the store thru June 20th, 2012. Just Use the code poca420 when you check out. It’s almost 420! If you don’t have a nice smoking piece then perhaps now is the time to get one!

Also a reminder that Adam & Eve are still offering Lou Reads listeners 50% Off the most expensive item in their cart when they check out using the code:LOUREADS. Its the same great offer. Three free adult DVDs, a Free Gift & Free Shipping plus that heavy discount on almost everything in the store!

Support Lou Reads and get yourself a nice bong & dildo combo in one fell swoop! Let me tell you, my mom is so proud of that sentence…

Have a great rest of your day, folks!

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Lou Reads about The Sucky World of Vampires

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Are you feeling drained? It might be because someone nearby is not what they seem… YOU MAY BE UNDER ENERGY DRAIN ATTACK RIGHT NOW! No, its not just you didn’t get enough sleep or you’re bored. Its you, under energy drain attack by a vampire… right now!

psi-vampire — Don't worry. This won't turn you into a vampire... nothing will.

Don’t worry, though. According to this forum, vampires aren’t really trying to kill you. They are just born with some kind of unexplained deficiency that can only be helped by leeching energy from humans. Some of them need blood. But don’t worry, they don’t bite you for it. Apparently they ask you for it and they have to make sure you don’t have ant diseases first. Energy vamps appear to just sort of drain you and apparently, even if there were like 20 of them, all draining you at the same time, it still wouldn’t kill you. So… yeah. Anyway… this episode is about these people so get ready to learn more than you ever wanted to about this nonsense.

ALSO RELEVANT! As it so happens this weeks Comedy Bang Bang featured a poem about vampires.

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Lou Reads from Creepy Hollow: A Place for Spirit Keeping, Spell Casting and Other Nonsense.

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I know I am going to come under psychic attack for this episode but so be it. I have my harpies at the ready!

harpy-warning — UH...Okay Bird Lady... Whatever You Say...

So this forum is for people who believe hardcore in the paranormal and hidden world. We’re talking spells. We’re talking spirits. We’re talking black magicks. The whole kit’n’kaboddle. So please imagine me in a healing glow and pray a special pray (with special double luck candle) for me as I delve into the forums of Creepy Hollows

EXTRA BONUS CONTENTAROONY!

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