Depressing – Page 3 – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads ep144 Shoplifting Tips & Tricks from the dead forums of Zoklet.net

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Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step back into the store. Would you mind taking off your jacket? Sir, I don’t care if it was a gift from your mother. I’m more concerned with the 10 pairs of FUBU hoodies you’ve concealed in your shirt. Oh, I suppose someone else jammed them in there. Great.

I know what will help me forget my shoplifting conviction. Stealing this bottle of booze!

There are a lot of sources for information about shoplifting and I’m very proud you chose to come here to learn. Why, by following the advice in this episode of the podcast you should have a nice little crime record. Don’t get me wrong. You’ll also have some stolen clothes. It’s totally worth going to all the trouble to steal all your clothes. Yup. Not being sarcastic. Nope.

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Lou Reads episode 142 – Intactivism from the forums of Restoring Foreskin

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I really don’t want to share any images related to this episode.

Circumcision is a controversial topic. For me it’s a Star-Bellied Sneeches thing. “They have extra skin on thars!” If you didn’t know about foreskin would you miss it? Well, these guys would and they do. On the other hand the reasons for circumcision are really amazingly stupid. Mainly because they are based on religious nonsense and outdated medical knowledge. If God told you to kill someone because they believed in a different religion than you would you? Never mind.

I hope you enjoy this episode. Whatever you do don’t let someone you cut you off mid-podcast.

Lou Reads ep133 – Tales of Crazy Parents

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You know, as a parent I sometimes feel like I’m doing a terrible job with my kids. Then I read some stories like these and I’m like, “Oh… I guess I’m doing ok after all.”

Some problems take care of themselves... — Some problems take care of themselves…

I don’t even know if it is okay for me to say “Enjoy” this episode because its just depressing… I guess I hope you enjoy it. A lot of the stories in this episode are long and will make you feel bad… Remember the time that you didn’t get a toy you wanted and you were sad and mad at your parents for it? Listen to this episode and give your parents a high five for not completely fucking you up.

Enjoy?

Lou Reads ep126 – Squat the Planet: Advice for the Homeless by the Homeless

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Hey man, can you spare any change? Spare anything? Even a smile helps. Also a lot of drugs to help me forget I beg for a living and sleep on the streets would help more than a smile. I’m just being honest.

This is what most of the signs mean anyway.

So this episode is about the worldful world of gutterpunks, crusties, hobos, bums or whatever you want to call this nations wandering house-less people. It is amazing, and yet unsurprising, that the homeless have such ready access to the site known as Squat The Planet. But just because they are roaming the world rudderless doesn’t mean they don’t want to have a place to have stupid discussions and share their best criminal practices! Won’t you please enjoy this sampling of nonsense from the pages of StP.

Lou Reads episode 124 – Tales of Creepy Gamers from RPG.net

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This episode takes a peek into the world of role playing gamers and the creepy players they occasionally run into.

This isn't my D&D map. It's my well thought out rape plan. — This isn’t my D&D map. It’s my well thought out rape plan.

That image joke will make more sense if you listen to the episode. Also, don’t play Tomb of Horrors. Even if you win you’ll probably die in the end.

Lou Reads from the Discussions at Virgin-Forums

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Ah, the shame of being a virgin. That awful secret that you haven’t gotten some dummy to let you put your penis in them or given up the nappy dug-out to some chump on a camping trip. What a super awful time in life! Well, that is unless you’re super proud of your choice to not have fun teenage sex, like the people at Virgin-Forum.com. This is a site for people who are virgins, and sometimes not, to get together and talk about their virginity or lack there-of.

A very 9/11 virgin message. PS: I am offering deflowering services on demand.

Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoy all that post virginity sex you’re all having.

Lou Reads Revisits the Poz Experience at Raw Top’s Breeding Zone

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This guy is probably in the Breeding Zone Hall of Fame. Way to go, dude.

This podcast is going to make you laugh and probably make you a little uncomfortable. Or it might just make you feel sad. It’s unlikely to make you feel horny… unless you actually hang out at Raw Top’s Breeding Zone (Do I have to say it’s NSFW?). Anyway, Its been almost 4 years since I read from The Breeding Zone and thank the Lord, the posters there have not gotten any less graphically horrible about what they are into/doing. As always with topics beyond the pale, if it helps you sleep at night, I’ll allow you to reserve the right to believe the more crazy things are pure fiction. But… yeah… ENJOY?

Oh yeah, I’d like to thank The Breeding Zone for always wishing me a happy birthday!

What a bunch of swell, urine drinking, married guy poz'ing dudes. — What a bunch of swell, urine drinking, married guy poz’ing dudes.

Lou Reads – Anonymous Confessions from 2005

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Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait... yeah, that's fucked up. — Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait… yeah, that’s fucked up.

This episode is drawn straight from the Comedy Goldmine threads from the Something Awful archives. It features en-edited confessions that were sent in anonymously by the members of the Something Awful forums. I hope you enjoy it. The titles pretty much says it all!

On and by the way….

Lou Reads ep118: Tales of Anal Destruction from FetLife.com

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Hey, I’m talking to you! If would you take that 2 liter bottle of soda out of your ass once in a while maybe you could pay attention to me when I tell you that I just read from the highly disturbing pages of Fetlife.com again. What did I read? Well, it just so happens that I read from a couple of groups who are dedicated to severe ass stretching. So severe, in fact, that I didn’t even feel like I could find an image that would do it justice or that I could stomach… THAT BAD! Ok one image.

CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS! Seriously, these are like a q-tip to these peoples asses... — CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR PUNY ANAL TRAINING TOYS!

Anyway, please enjoy this episode if you can. It’s full of some pretty intensely crazy… stuff. Thanks for listening!

Lou Reads Black Friday Nightmares from AskReddit

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Hey, 2013 is over! The holiday season is over! What better time than now to look back at the experiences of the retail workers who had to deal with insane shoppers on Black Friday! Ok, I agree. Anytime would have been fine. I picked now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!! Here’s hoping to another year full of internet bizarreness and other related silly pursuits!

If you’re interested you can find the original Reddit thread here.

Thanks for listening!