Just Let Me Stick One Shard Up There... Please?

Hey Guys! What? You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been up for a week. What? Oh yeah, I got a hold of some really great Crystal Meth. What? No… Its not addictive! Whatever! I can quit whenever I run out and can’t find anyone to rob or have sex with for money. So… do you want to have sex for money? Okay, okay. No need to get all angry about it. Sheesh! Okay… what if I do a podcast about Crystal Meth and all the really great ways to have sex or re-use your urine while on it? Okay! Now we’re talking! Well you’re in luck because I already did a podcast about just that very thing from the forums at Drugs-Forum. Its actually a very informative forum as well as being a great source for unintended hilariousness. So won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs Forum!

I Have $15 Dollars...

This is not a picture of me…

Hey Lou Reads Fans, Listeners and General Lay-Abouts,

Sorry for not posting this earlier but I’m on vacation! I’m resting the golden pipes of internet horror for another week but I’ll be back at it next week. I started recording a podcast about services that arrange meet-ups between lonely American losers and Russian black-widows who want to come to the US so they can claim domestic abuse, leave their American loser and then marry a proper Russian guy like momma wanted. Its REALLY DEPRESSING! I may shelve that to do one about how awesome sex on Crystal Meth. Thats if I can stop having amazing meth-fueled sex…. I am raw!

In the meantime check out this band. They were nice enough to send me a praise-filled email asking to include part of one of my podcasts on their CD. I said “I guess…” and here is the result. FUR by Eat Babies?.

Now I please excuse me while I go back to the beach to be cooled with a palm frond by my Russian bride. What? Oh, she got that black eye from falling on a door knob. Don’t forget to send me your suggestions for stupid things to read!

Yours truly,
Lou (Reads)

Pre-Vacation Photo. Note the Stress...

What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. Yeah, thats right, being a one month old fetus and remembering what it was like. None of it makes any sense. But that doesn’t stop these lovely people from sharing their craziness and luckily for them there is a place like Child Past Lives to do it in.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this bottomless pit of bizarre jibber jabber. I barely scratched the surface!

Comedy Nerds One and All

Hey people. Just wanted to drop you a line to tell you that I did a guest spot on the often times entertaining (when I’m on it) podcast “The Comedy Nerds.“ They wanted to do an episode about the trend of XXX Parody versions of popular comedy shows and who better to talk about filth than yours truly. So if you’ve got some time to spare check out the show! We had a lot of fun watching the 30 Rock parody and some hilarious stuff was said… if I recall correctly…

Reviewing The 30 Rock Adult Parody (VERY NSFW)

Also, please enjoy this self-shot neckless photo above. I am imitating a turtle there apparently. Bleh..

This is the mating call of the Bully.

What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m talking you. You reading this. I said “What the fuck are you listening to??” Oh, wait… the first time I said looking at… Sorry… its just that I used to be a Bully. But now I seek help with my issue by going to forums and reading about how my victims growing up lament the experience. I had assumed that it was a co-dependent experience not just a one sided sado-masochistic display of violence. And I gotta tell you it turns me on… Well, I said I’m working on it. Anyway, this weeks podcast is comprised solely of tales of teen woe and bullying from the members of Ebaum Nation Forum. I hope you find it entertaining. I know reading it made me laugh!

Don't Attract The Bullies Attention. Let Her Take the Damage...

Won’t you please enjoy the latest episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Episode 52: Tales of Being Bullied.

Pity the poor misunderstood vampire! How they must suffer the slings and arrows of the normal world… Okay, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I think people who think they are vampires are retarded. I can understand the idea of playing a role when you get to that awkward “Where do I belong” part of your life but this is just dumb. Basically I found a website that lists the best stories of Vampires realizing they are what they are and they are not at all just normal sad teens looking for a reason they are different. Maybe at one time they would have been considered punks or goths… But no. Instead they are somehow forever cursed vampires who just happen to be teens that are getting older. What… EVER…

Get Ready to Be Lame for Eternity!

Okay… In all seriousness, if you are a recently awakened vampire then please go out an buy this book. The New Vampire’s Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night. It could be the difference between a life of running from the Hunters and one of regular teenage nerd stuff!

In honor of the dearly departed Wesley Willis…

Its time to look deep inside yourself and think about what terrifies you. Not rational fears like death or loss of your job. Things that terrify you irrationally. Well if you are a’fear’d of anything irrationally and need a place to see if you’re not alone then ofear is the place for you.

I also fear my fingers getting stuck into my face!

Without further delay I present to you the ofear.com forum read from Lou Reads. If you are afraid of listening to the podcast I recommend you go to ofear to see if there is such a thing as Podcastophobia.

I know, you’re saying “Finally! A podcast that is all about guy stuff!” Yes, I finally gave in and did a podcast about everyones favorite subject: Guys with really long balls. Low Hangers they call them. Apparently there are guys out there with naturally saggy or droopy testicles and this forum is where they get together to chat about how apparently great it is.

One Giant Raccoon with Huge Balls as Requested

Now some people weren’t born with this “gift” so they resort to all manner of cock and ball torture to lengthen their scrotums. It’s really quite insane. Please heed this warning: If you have a weak stomach do not go to this website. Even I had to stop looking at it and my eyes have seen some seriously awful stuff!

This is actually something you are supposed to put your penis in... No joke...

Without further ado won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of Rantallion AKA The Low Hanging Support Group. If you’re up for you it can read more about it at the Something Awful Weekend Web thread about the this site and one that is for people who like not wear underwear.

Have you ever heard someone sneeze and gotten totally turned on? How about you heard someone with a stuffed up nose trying to talk and gotten super aroused by it?

I need two hankies! One for my nose and the other....

No? Well, then you’re a normal person who is not at all very weird at least in the whole sneeze fetish sense. You may be an absolute weirdo about something else.. Look I’m not judging you. That is unless you’re already a member of this forum and thats because these people are very weird and the thats because they are sneeze fetishists. They proudly wave their freak flags in the safe haven of the appropriately named Sneeze Fetish Forum. If you don’t get what they are into you’re just being obstinate. Now one thing I found really interesting in the posts I read was that no one on this stupid forum ever talks about actual sex. Just that they love sneezes and get all frustrated or how they are going to explode. Where is the release, people? Anyway, you may not believe your ears when you hear the absurdity of this podcast. But it takes all kinds I guess… Just be aware that the next time you sneeze someone nearby may just be getting a boner (or explode-y)  because of it….

What a sneeze slut! She's asking for it! (it being a tissue)

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads The Sneeze Fetish Forums!

So it has come to this. An actual website dedicated to talking about poop. Sure, people have issues with their poop. It’s a dirty shameful business. But the levels of hang-ups people have with their pooping is pretty out there. Believe me, I’ve seen it all working at a university. I’ve even ecountered people who actually do some of these things discussed in this weeks podcast. See if you can’t figure out which one matches this picture that I actually made for the bathroom on my floor.

This is the tip of the nastiness iceberg at my job

At least the person who smears poop all over the stall only struck once. There really isn’t much to say about this site except to acknowledge that there are some severely damaged people in this world. And this week their damage is all about the poopin’ and the fartin’! Enjoy listening to your poop chat from Poop Report dot com.

I can't believe that condom was still inside me...

You’re probably like, “Why you gotta do another sex podcast, you pervert.” Look, I am old. So fucking old. I am living vicariously through you good people and all your fucky sucky stories. Even the ones where things go terribly wrong. At least then I come out a winner because even though I am not having sex* at least it isn’t the terrible awkward kind these people are having. Once again I’m delving into the wonderful world of the Something Awful forums to share what they have shared with the world. As always, the Goons spin some of the best yarns around! Won’t you please enjoy the Stories of Awkward Sexual Encounters.

*Authors note: I have had sex recently. It was not awkward.

** Double Authors note: Also, I was just listening to this podcast at work and discovered that people tend not to like hearing about sex in general, in public. Oh society, when will you catch up with me? Get crackalackin!

So you wanted another podcast even though I’ve been sick? So Mote it Be! This week I delved into the wonderful world of  Witchcraft at WitchForum.Net. This is another of the fabulous forum featuring people who happen to actually appear to believe they are doing magic. Luckily we are spared the bloody mess of the Lucky Mojo Forums read. But that doesn’t mean it gets any less stupid.

Boil boil toil and... this is going to taste terrible.

In high school my girlfriend was into Wicca and being the asshole I was back then I never missed a chance to mock and scorn it. Later in life I felt regret for being as asshole about the whole thing. After reading this forum I don’t quite feel so bad anymore. These people are nuts! Through her Wicca connections I met a another Wiccan kid in high school who proudly claimed he gave one of the guys in Duran Duran a blowjob so you know that magic works! Well, if you’re ready to listen to the podcast then cast a protection circle around your headphones and imagine your sanity in an orange aura of serenity. You’re gonna need it!

Na Na Na Na Na BAT WITCH!

ALSO! Listen all the way to the end of the podcast to hear the details of how to get my Lou Reads special give away! What is it? ITS A MAGNET THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!

Try not to hurt yourself running to get one!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of WitchForum.net

Sorry for the delay in podcastings. I’ve been saddled with some crazy upper respiratory bug for a goll-durn week. To top it off it was my birthday this weekend. Perhaps unwisely I managed to have a party with the help of codeine cough syrup (yes prescribed) and  sudafed. I returned to work this morning and got hit with some shitty fever and more coughing so I’m going home. So this has precluded my recording and editing. I did record something last night as a test. It is comically ill sounding. I will probably post it anyway.

I shouldn't have licked that tramp on a bet.

Stay tuned, though. Because I ordered some stuff to give away from Vista Print. I’ll put details about how to get your grub net paws on this stuff in the next podcast. If you have suggestions for other things I might give away feel free to comment on this post or on the facebook fan page.

Kaltxi Ayeylanur oeyä! Let me tell you, it was harder than mounting my first Ikran to get through this episodes forum. At least with the Ikran you know its either going to work or you’re going to die. With the Avatar Forum I often wished I would die and yet did not. Both feats took amazing force of will so, you know… I got that going for me. Plus I got me a Ikran bird-dragon to ride… which is nice.

Who doesn't want to have sex with this? LIAR!

Seriously though, when is the last time a movie was so amazing that it made people so crazy they were depressed they couldn’t live on the fake planet in it. It wasn’t Planet 51, I can assure you. Anyway, these people love Avatar. They love it hard and long. If they spent 1/4 of that energy working on the planet they live on instead of wishing they were blue or having sex with a blue person (I get kinda depressed sometimes. Does that count for blue?) … well you get the idea.

This gives me a Space Boner!

You probably didn’t read this far… sigh. But if you did… THANKS! Without further ado won’t you please enjoy THE AVATAR FORUM

Thats right! I am yelling because I am a Dick!

Oh Ladies. I am so sorry you have to put up with us horrid and flawed man-creatures. For too long there was no where outside of coffee klatch or lesbian book store that women could go to complain about men in a widely available manner.

Well, back in the early days of the inter-web-tubes one woman realized that she could use the internet to fashion her rage at men into a sharp pokey-poking stick to jab at men and reveal them for the dicks there are. Thus was born “The Dick List” and I stumbled upon it back in the early 2000’s. I was just reminded of it by a comment here at Lou Reads and I decided to go back and see if it was still around. Alas, it had been lost to the internet sands of time. Struck down by the cruel reality of domain registration lapses. Luckily archive.org still had some of the hilarious complaints stored. I barely scratched the surface! Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: THE DICK LIST.

I love when people share their stories with me. Thats why I love the interwebs. It’s all people sharing all the time! Well this episode I’m revisiting some of my favorite kinds of sharing! I love when people talk about their drug experiences. Good or bad I think what people experience in their altered states is hilarious. I mean who can’t relate, right? You’re probably on drugs right now you dirty hippy. Anyway, I love drug trip stories. They are part confession, part bragging and part warning all in one. If someone tells you a story about having a close call with a drug they may really be warning you not to do it but in their heads they are shining their knuckles on their lapels and checking their nails. They are head-space explorers, you pissant!

I love me some drug trip reports

Lou Reads in no way condones all this illegal drug use. You should definitely not do drugs around Lou. Specifically do not say Crack or Freebase…. unless you got some…

Dear people. Please pay attention when you are in school. Especially when you are in sex education class! For the love of god don’t just giggle and guffaw through it or you might end up like these poor people. As you will soon hear these fools are busy at work asking the internet things they should have learned in school or asked a doctor about.

Pay attention in School

Some of these questions aren’t stupid but odd. What I found most amazing was the amount of people claiming to have the exact same issues. What are the chances that you’ll find 15 women who recently had abortions who want to talk about it on a random health forum. Well one thing is for sure. The women at SteadyHealth.com are easy and won’t make you wear a condom.

Won’t you please enjoy LOU READS THE STEADY HEALTH FORUMS.

What is there to say about adults that like to dress up like babies and poop and pee in their diapers? Besides shunning them and calling them on their twisted shit? Not much really. I mean these people are seriously damaged. They crave a simpler time. And somehow this time is directly tied to being able to take a shit in their pants.

I don’t blame you if you’ve already closed the window. Why this is a simpler time I don’t know. I mean it harkens back to when someone had to take care of you but somehow dressing like a baby doesn’t seem like a stress reliever to me. Nor does filling my pants with waste. Oh, I’m sure it’s MUCH deeper than that for these poor souls. Or maybe not…. This particular fetish is one I find super stupid. It combines play acting, effort and just so much nonsense that I can’t even entertain it. Yes, I am judging you, freaks. Wahhhhh.

Without any more delay won’t you please enjoy the grand stupidity known as the forums at the Daily Diaper. GAGA GOO GOO!!! WAH WAH!!!

Yo, Player! Yo, check it out. We gonna go do that crime tonight? You know the one with the spray paint? You know the one where other people within our specific subculture will notice our markings, potentially recognize them and appreciate or hate on them where as the rest of society will frown upon them? Yes, we’re going out to do graffiti paintings on stuff. That is what I am talking about!

From back in time comes the Hopeless Wackness

Oh, boy I hope that you don’t think talk about graffiti is boring because thats what this weeks podcast is all about! Thats right, jerks from all over the world sharing their love of doing “art” on public and private property alike. Now before you think I am being an ass about the subject know this: I was fully immersed in this subculture in the mid 1980’s! The above video is actually me doing some graffiti in the 80’s for a bad video performance art class I was in at the time. My FAIL tag was 20 years ahead of FAILBLOG! Be sure to read the comments on that video. People DO NOT LIKE IT.

Anyway, won’t you please enjoy this podcast about Graffiti and how to do it and not get caught… or if you’re caught how to not talk to the cops…

Oh man there is nothing more disgusting than a fat bitch. Am I right? I mean seriously guys, you’re with me on this one, right? I can’t stand these “regular” chicks saying how fat they are. Shut the fuck up and do something about it! These super sexy people have it all figured out! Thats right, I’m talking about Anorexics and Bulimics. Why don’t you follow what these chicks are doing and join the ranks of the super sexy! Like this hotness! HUBBA HUBBA ZERO BLUBBA!

Oh I know what you’re going to say. “Oh Lou, these people have a problem!” Yeah they do. Its turning down dates!!!

Who isn’t going to ask for that the number of someone that hot!? Thats what I thought. Thanks for being honest! Another nice thing about dating these super hot skeleton ladies is that they usually have friends who are into Self Mutilation. As long as you don’t invest yourself emotionally with these chicks it can be a hell of a ride! Oh and if you’re interested in following in the footsteps of this babe I’m including this handy diet chart for you. Learn it, live it, LOVE IT!

Won’t you join me now as I fill your Christmas ears with tales of people who are dying to be thin and hurt themselves to remember what it’s like to feel. Because if there is one constant truth in this world its that people are super duper crazy and I like to read about it.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO LISTENS AND HAS MADE LOU READS SO FUN TO DO!

Also, just in case you’re wondering the music for this episode came from the Something Awful Goon’s Xmas Album. You can find the whole thing for free here.

Who hasn’t been there? You go out and the opportunity presents itself for some quick boning. The circumstances and the person at hand aren’t perfect but you’re determined to bust a nut or get filled up (or whatever means sex for your type of body) so you go for it. Everything fine until you’re done and then your guilt based programing kicks in and you start to feel bad about it. Does this describe you? Hell yeah. Does it describe me? Hell no! Mainly because I was always clueless to when a girl liked me and was too busy dreaming of the day I would have stuff to make a podcast about. Okay, so you and I don’t have that much in common but you and these guys sure do. They’ve lived the deeds and feel okay enough with their deviant lustful acts to share them. Won’t you please join me know as we take a virtual walk of shame with these brave folks in the podcast known as “STORIES OF SHAMEFUL HOOKUPS!” Sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled.

And won’t you also enjoy the above music video by the sexy and talented lady known as Shayna Ferm. I know her from my sketch comedy and improv days. She’s a nice lady.

OH SHIT! There’s cops behind us! What are we going to do? Quick, toss the weed! I can’t get busted in my dads car!

ALMOST GOT ME, COPPER!

Ahhh close calls with the long arm of the law. They’re to be expected in the lives of those who choose to break societies rules. Stupid society always messing stuff up with it’s rules and stuff. This weeks podcast is a collection of stories with shared from the pages of the forums of International Cannagraphic Magazine’s forums. These tales are the true life stories of peoples encounters with the law in which they escaped unscathed (for the most part) from the long arm of Johnny Law. Many more people aren’t quite so lucky when it comes to these kinds of situations! They should probably read up with books like Busted!: Drug War Survival Skills and this guys Never Get Busted Again 1: Traffic Stops (2pc) DVD’s. Hey, it couldn’t hurt! Anyway, these are the stories of the lucky ones. The guys who don’t end up on Cops for having a pipe in their car. Not for lack of guilt, of course! Well lets hope that these kinds of stories are soon a thing of the past because they are the result of a ridiculously draconian drug war. Oops. I’m letting my opinions leak out again!

Won’t you please enjoy LOU READS: Tales from the Drug War. Almost Busted Stories.

Oh my gorb! Obamer is going to do something crazy to the werld! His supreme court nomination wants to perform abortions in your living room with a bald eagle beak! Obama wants to change the nation currency to condom, just like Euro-town! Nancy Pelosi is 400 year old alien that needs stemcells to live! Obama and the Democ-rats are are considering making everyone take a shit at the same time. FIGHT THE SOCIALIST NATIONAL POOP CLOCK!

Separated at Birth

Alright, I may be exaggerating what you’re about to hear a little. The GOP forum is pretty boring but is there is also the special kind of crazy there that gives me the jibblies! While there is a WHOLE LOT of heart felt totally crackers nut jobs on this forum there are most certainly a fair number of rational voices in the weeds. Too bad their out numbered by the nuts. You can tell a nut by the number of youtube links and obscure articles they post to prove their point. Asking someone to watch 5 links that you feel prove your point is kind of unreasonable IMHO. And as we are now well aware, my HO is pretty much always the right O. Not so humble an O after all, I suppose. Anyway, on to the stupidity. In the name of fairness, if you you can find me an equally unhinged Democrat forum I’ll be happy to betray my loyalty in the name of some chuckles.

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Our GOP Forum.

LOL You Got a Babby Weiner

As we learned from the podcast I did for the Large Penis Support Group I am well endowed. I have always heard of there being a race of men who have extremely tiny penii but never really took those stories at face value. Let me tell you something. This may scare you… It is absolutely true. Horrible and awful and true. Oh, my damned eyes! Why have I clicked the links? Was it curiosity or do I just hate myself that much. Visions of vienna sausages and baby mice fill my mind. Luckily for you I went there so you don’t have to. All you have to do is listen to the nonsense that people at MyTinyDick.Net talk about. I warn you, there will be acronyms you’ve never heard of. Like SPH and SPG. These stand for Small Penis Humiliation & Small Penis Glorification. I think if you went to this site your natural inclination would be towards SPE (Small Penis Eradication.) That may sound harsh but I think we’d all be better off….

I know.... It was a cheap laugh...

Won’t you please enjoy listening to the delights to your ears known as Lou Reads: MyTinyDick.net

Hear ye, Hear ye! The Loyal Order of the He-Man Woman-Haters club is officially coming to order. Is there any new business with the LOHMWHC? Ah, yes. There is the matter of deciding where we should all get together online to bitch about how much we hate women. Does anyone have a suggestion that isn’t in Second Life? That gives the creeps. Whats that you say? A forum called Happy Bachelor that is all about men dealing with the mysteries of why women suck so hard and why us poor men even have to deal with broads and whats on their stupid minds. OH MY GOD I HATE WOMEN SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!1

I AM AN ANGRY WOMAN! FEAR ME!!!

Oh my…. Sorry, I lost control there… Look, just listen to the latest Lou Reads about this. Trust me. I have to go lay down. All this hating is giving me the wind.

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Happy Bachelor Forum

Hey, is it okay if I ask you a stupid question? No? Fine, I’ll just turn to the internet for the answer. Someone out there will know what this thing on my testicle is. Hrrmmm I could go to a medical site… Nah, I’ll just go and ask the brain trust of Yahoo Answers! Why? Because yahoo answers has a wonderful community of people who are apparently constantly looking for questions to answer.

Do they have good answers? HELL NO! Why do people ask questions there when the answers tend to be so bad? WHO THE HELL KNOWS! It is a mystery! All I know is that if you type in almost any stupid and outlandish term into the search box you’ll almost always find a topic about it in there! Seriously. Using childish terms increases your chances of finding even worse questions.

People Are Stupid

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: Yahoo Answers starting…. now….

Aw Naw! Hellz nah, ya’ll gone up and done it! Ya’ll gone up and done it! Can I get a what what?! Just throw ya hands in the air and wave ‘em like you just don’t care! And if you love to listen to podcasts about stupid shit somebody say “INDEED I DO!!!!!!!!!!”

Welcome to yet another super delightful episode of Lou Reads! I don’t even know what to say about this forum. It’s a great place to go and see gigantic, frame breaking images, it’s a great place to fine undiscovered hip hop talents and It’s a great place to steal content like movies, music and other stuff! It’s a one stop shop of stuff you could pay for but can’t be bothered to. It’s also a great place to go and read some really stupid arguments and opinions about stuff. When people aren’t talking about he music they are stealing and sharing they are having entertaining arguments. What do you think I focused on? The arguments of course, silly pants. Arguments and conspiracy theories are my bread and butter. Now I didn’t think that there would be anything too crazy on this forum but luckily I was wrong. A lot of it is really boring but when I hit that vein of hilarious dumbness I was pleasantly surprised! I hope you will be too. Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads: The Real Rap Talk Forum.

Do you hear them? The trumpets! The trumpets! Oh lawdy lawdy! Lawdy done come to take me up to my reward!!!!

Oh wait. It’s just that guy with the kicking stereo system down the street. Dang. I thought for sure it was the rapture. Sorry everyone, false alarm. You can stop the wailing and gnashing of teeth, I guess. Or wait… Maybe I was left behind? No… No… it was just a false alarm. Yes. Thats it…. I’m not the one who is burning in Hell on earth. Thats going to be you… Which is fine by me….

Oh my. Its the rapture again! Thats right, the fighting jesus is coming and he’s going to be super pissed at what a bunch of jerks you all are. Not me of course. Jesus loves me. Yes he do. Well, if he does its not because of anything I’m doing for him. These people however are placing all their hopes and dreams on getting all rapturized in the near future.  And in their preparation for the end times and tribulations they indulge themselves in trying to decipher the signs god is sending them or the Devil is sending them or someone is sending them. And well they just love to talk about it. So won’t  you join me now as I read for you the kooky ramblings of the fanatics at the Rapture Forums.

Hello friends. I’m sorry about the continued delay in amusing offerings. I just bought a new fancy-shmancy microphone and it came with ProTools. I’ve been trying to learn how to use it just to do my simple stuff but ProTools hates me to pieces. Every time I sit down to try it out I end up walking away because of some technical difficulty that makes no sense. Now I’m sure all you protools masters out there will say “of course your issue makes sense. You forgot to flip on the jimjam meter when you deviated from the dipdorp conundrum.” Well to you I say “ProTools LE shouldn’t be so insanely complicated. They should have a novice default layout for itself.” For the time being I am going to try to just record some little dumb things  to hold you over. Don’t you quit on me!!! Not after all we’ve been through.

Also, if you know a forum I should be reading out-loud into the  microphone for the people then by all means shoot me a comment or something at kinglou AT the gmails. Me want to hear you long time.

In the meantime may I recommend the following podcasts to fill your days.

The Flophouse, The Comedy Nerds, Jordan Jesse GO! and Comedy Death Ray (will launch iTunes). You will enjoy these in my absence and I will return so very soon! Look for me in the East at the Third Moon! (thats my favorite gay bar.)

Hey there, are you a careless drug user? Do you wake and bake then drive and bake and then work and bake then just bake? Well if you’re a constant drug enthusiast then chances are at some point in the near future you will get into a legal situation for which you are unprepared. Well then, this is the episode of Lou Reads for you! Put those headphones on, light up a fatty and learn something that will blow your mind!!! It doesn’t hurt to throw on a barrister’s wig and maybe cue some episodes of Cops, too.

As the podcast will tell you this podcast is not a binding legal contract and the advice given there in is not necessarily 100% accurate for the area you live in. So I don’t want to get any emails where you claim I told you to sass some PoPo and ended up in cooler. Hellz naw! This is just to inform you of things you may not have known about your rights. I hope you enjoy it. If you don’t there really isn’t much you or I can do it  about it. I mean it’s already been made…. can’t go back in time. Oh how I wish I could….

Alight, enough jibber jabber. Listen to the podcast already!

You know, having the number one rated reading disgusting things from the internet for you podcast I get a lot of good suggestions for things to read for you. Well, let me correct that. I get a lot of really not so good suggestions. However, every once in a while I get a real treat. My online friend, whom I only know from chatting with, sent me a link to a real gem. He knew I would enjoy it and I did. What he sent me was a link to the forum at ZooTube365.com. Now, you shouldn’t go there. It’s a hardcore bestiality porn site. Who knew that porn sites had forums? Not me! Anyway, I shared it with Something Awful and we did a weekend web about the forum a few weeks ago. Oh what fun was had! Okay, it wasn’t fun at all. It was actually really revolting and sad. Remember, things can’t be unseen! MY EYES!!!!

Well, with that kind of a lead in how could you not listen! Won’t you please join me as I read for you the depths of the horrors of the forums at ZooTube365. If you make it to the end please be sure to do something nice for yourself. You’ll have earned it.

Hey there, Little Junkie! Why aren’t you a cute fella! Whats that you say? You’re looking to score more smack? Ain’t that a might too soon? You was just coming ’round here yesterday. Oh I see. Yer a hurtin’ for some of my sweet skagg. Why I remember when you were just a chippie. Looks like you gotcher’self a full blown habit now, boy. Well, now that you’re a full-time citizen of H-town I think its about time I learned ya on how to traverse this territory without getting burned by other junky douche-bags. So grab a seat and open your stinking ear, laddy. A podcast on that very subject is about… to BEGIN!!!!

Hey Lou Reads Army (LRA T-Shirts are not on order… yet) put those headphones on and rush on over to get yourselves a lovely helping of advice for noob junkies. I know, you thought that heroin addicts were just really cool guys who know how to party by tapping into a dream-like state of bliss and didn’t bother anyone. Well as it turns out there is a DOWN SIDE to all this heroin. WHO KNEW?!?! Well luckily some guys on this forum decided to make a nice little guide on how not to get ripped off in the work of Junk.

PLEASE ENJOY: Lou Reads: Advice for New Heroin Users

Hello! Oh my, well it has been some time since we sat together, you and I. Yes. Now, lets see. Where were we? Oh yes, I remember now. I was reading the internet to you. Yes, yes. It’s all coming back.

This week we visit the loving and caring internet playground of the world of root work, conjuring and wish craft known as The Lucky Mojo Forum. This forum is the offshoot of the Lucky Mojo shop which is a real place in California somewhere and a virtual place in cyber-town. Here forum members can talk about the products for sale and ask advice about how to cast a spell or make a potion. I had to look up a lot of the terminology of the Mojo because who the hell knows what  Nation Sack is? Well its a kind of Mojobag…

A Nation Sack or Mojo Bag... or RED bag...

Anyway, these people love to share their ideas about how craft spells and tricking people into eating menstrual blood. It’s all great fun, you see. Not at all retarded…

Won’t you please enjoy LOU READS: LUCKY MOJO FORUM

Hello friends. I don’t care if you don’t think we are. I think we are and that distinction makes all the difference. Just wanted to let you know that I’m not dead. I didn’t forget to read the internet for you. I am on vacation! I actually just survived the awesomeness of  hurricane Bill. Here is a pic of the ocean surge pushing up the steps of our vacation home at high tide. Normally its about 50-60 feet away!!!

I also go hired to do some voice-over work while I was on my vacation. Luckily I had my mic. Sadly I have another job to edit on my vacation so no new Lou Reads until I am back in the grind in NYC. In the meantime please enjoy this classic video made by my friends Rob and Sam. I play a drug dealer in this video they made before they moved to LA and broke my heart.

When I get back I’ll be reading more delightful bestiality forums and a forum I recently discovered which deals with how to cast a love spell on a person with a candle!
Later,Lou

Come on. You can’t deny getting a thrill when you thrust that fist into the air and give a throaty yell in the name of all that is good and white and Hitler-y. Yes, thats right. Give into the power of the white side! Why if I wasn’t partially of the mud races who knows. I might be a grand wizard or imperial cyclops by now…

Anyway, this week I decided to make up for being late with my podcast by making it extra long and extra dumb. You probably haven’t thought about the trouble true whites have with the concerns of teaching young whites to be concerned about race-mixing or about how hard it is to recruit people to the cause of White National Pride! After this podcast you might even feel sorry for the next skinhead you see. Be sure to give him a pat and tell him its all going to be okay.

Then go get a toxic flu vaccine you dirty subhuman illegal!

Please enjoy Lou Reads: Stormfront.org.

When I think of the wonders of craigslist I usually think of this type of encounter:

Hey, you know how we agreed on that price I was going to pay for you guitar amp? Well, I’m kind of a little short. Do you mind if I give you less than we agreed because I am a faking asshole who is trying to cheat you at the last minute? Cool, I figured you just wanted to get rid of it bad enough to take whatever. Hardy har har. Bye, chump!

Well, lo and behold I have come across the greatness of the of the best of craigslist top 100. I don’t know how they come up with this list. Not that it’s unknowable, I just haven’t bothered to look it up. What I do know is that there is a lot of funny crap happening there. So won’t you please enjoy my reading of the Best of Craigslist!

LOU READS: The Best of Craigslist Top 100

It’s been a while since I was on The Flophouse Podcast so when I got a chance to contribute I jumped right in. Head flophouser, Dan McCoy, told me he was inspired by my corny announcer read that I did for the Large Penis Support Group and wanted to make his own version. I offered to do it and the rest is internet history. Surely you felt the paradigm shift when I hit save on the voice over file.

I Present to you “The Flophouse Movie Minute #28: Criterion Collection” Be sure to check out some of their other full length podcasts. They do a really funny job reviewing bad movies.

New full length Lou Reads coming on Friday! I know! Try to look more relaxed. People are starting to stare.

Dudes and dudettes,

How many times have you had to have this conversation with your significant other?

“Oh man, I don’t want your cousin coming over tonight. Why? Because I just got some amazing weed and I want to try out this sweet new bubbler pipe thingy. Are you kidding me? No he can’t have some. Don’t you remember? He’s going to want to have some of this sticky-icky dank bud and you know he can’t handle his weed!”

I’m sorry if I am opening up old wounds. There is hardly anything worse than dealing with people who can’t handle their weed. It’s even worse than watching your dog get run over (This is my way of apologizing to you about that one time, mom). Okay, maybe watching something you love die is worse. But its definitely annoying to say the least to have someone who can’t handle their smoke start acting a fool and harshing your mellow.

Join me then, won’t you, as I regale you with tales of marijuana smoking sessions gone wrong. These true tales offered up once again by the lovely people of the internet for your listening pleasure.

Also please check out this weeks Sponsor! BuzzGrounds.com! Our first. Check out the selection and get in on the Lou Reads Exclusive Coupon code: louweeds to save $10%. Hilarious, I know…

Free Shipping on orders over $55! Pick up a new piece so you can contribute to future Lou Reads like this one!

STORIES OF PEOPLE WHO CAN’T HANDLE THEIR WEED: EDIT FIXED 8/3/09

Look, of all people, I know what a burden it can be to have an extremely large penis. I mean, the word large is not even descriptive enough to really do it justice. Is there even a word? Gi-dong-gantulous? I would post pics but its kind of like looking at the sun. You should really only do it with protective gear involved. I digress.

The Large Penis Support Group is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a forum for men with large peens to get together and talk about the wonderful world of giant dong-dom. Of course there are some women in the mix too. For who is the receiver of all this oversized beef? Oh, right, all the gay guys on the forum. Well there are some ladies on there, too. I didn’t read any of their posts but they are on there. I assure you… Anyway, once again I joined with the SA Goons to explore the depths of the silliness of this forum and we came up with some gems. Won’t you please enjoy my reading of the LPSG.

On note: I decided to break out of the mold and read this site in the style of a over-the-top morning DJ so it’s EXTRA stupid but also made me laugh quite a bit. Let me know what you think.

LOU READS: LARGE PENIS SUPPORT GROUP (CORNY READ)

Hello loyal friends! I just came across this threads at Something Awful. Some like minded guys have been reading ridiculous stories gay and non-gay (aka normal hetero sex) sex stories from Deviant Art. These are pretty absurd. But if you’re jonesin’ for some more hilariously dumb reading then check these out!

There are more but you’ll have to get them from the forum link. Hopefully you don’t need to have joined to see it. Sometimes you do…

Lou Reads update coming on Friday!

Hey did you say are looking for a place to share your story ideas? You know the ones. The really sexy story ideas… Come on. Don’t be shy. Your stories about all the intergenerational incest and pooping and peeing and the corrupted sex and… Oh, that wasn’t you? Huh. I could have sworn it was you. Well then why the hell did I got to the Litrotica forum? Oh right, I went there as another foray of the weekend web a few months ago and so I could do a podcast about it. Thats right. Well if you ever do want to write those kind of stories Litrotica is your kind of place. Anyway, since I thought it was for you I wrote some stories in the vein and I thought… oh… you don’t want to read them? Well I’ll just shoot them to your email and you know, if you’re bored or something…

Litrotica is a fast moving community of erotic storytellers and life-livers. Won’t you please listen as I recount some of the wondrous things I found there? Oh the joy!

Litrotica: Its not erotic stories about being really drunk or high.

Happy Independence Day, America! Try not to blow off your fingers!

Surely as a netizen of the cyberness you’ve come across the term “Poz My Neg Ass.” What do you mean you haven’t? Oh, I forget. You have a life and don’t spend every waking hour thinking about the computer. Anyway…

What we have here is a forum for gay men who have or want to have HIV/AIDS. According to Wikipedia:

Bugchasing (or bug chasing) is a LGBT slang term for a subculture of Homosexual men who actively pursue HIV infection.

Bugchasers seek sexual partners who are HIV positive for the purpose of having unprotected sex and sero-converting; giftgivers (also gift givers) are HIV positive men who comply with the bugchaser’s efforts to become infected with HIV.

Yup. Thats right. These people want to get HIV. Once they get it they feel free to have all the anonymous bareback (aka unprotected) sex they can handle with other HIV+ dudes. Now, as you’ll hear some of them aren’t just contented to simply have HIV and give it to people who want it. No, they actively seek to infect people with HIV through deceit or force. Oh what a wondrous world we live in, eh?

Well strap your brain down, put the headphones on and get ready to wave off everyone who asks “Why do you have that horrible expression on your face.” They are really better not knowing. If you want to see the work that went into finding some of the best quotes from that site then check out the Something Awful Weekend Web where I found these items to read. This forum caused some of the hardcorest weekend web guys to cringe and refuse to take part. Be glad I didn’t back down! Now, on to the ear hole destruction!

Lou Reads: Bareback Exchange Bugchasers Forum

“I can’t believe we have to read all these books over the summer!” If you were like me you said this every single summer after the the summer where books with drawings in them were no longer allowed to count for your book total. Stupid books without drawings in them what with all their words and not drawings in them. Am I expected to imagine what things look like in my mind without the short cut of someone else’s author approved interpretation in illustration form? OH MAN! I am getting heated! These people are also heated. They are all fired up about some classic novels and had to share how much they didn’t like them. ONE STAR! To get you to bother to write a crazy one star review on Amazon you need to really get a person angry. These dead authors should be proud of the hornets nest their words whacked into a frenzy.

I hope you won’t give this podcast episode one star… there really isn’t a reason to do so… unless you’re some kind of jerk on the internet…

LOU READS: One Star Reviews of Classic Books

This week I suggest you light up a big phat spliff and grab a big old handful of shrooms and melt into your couch as you listen to the fascinating tales of REAL LIFE POT SMOKERS! Yes, I decided to take a walk on the lighter side this week. Sometimes you gotta take a break from all the pedophiles and cuckolded, ruined men and read real true stories from people who just like to get a simple high. I just want you to know the only drug I was on during these recording was procrastination and sleep deprivation. In the future maybe I will use some kind of foreign substance to make the podcast recording more entertaining for myself. Then again I have a hard enough time reading a lot of this stuff without laughing already…. So maybe just Nitrous Oxide?

LOU READS: Grass City Forums. 420 Bro! Haw haw! What?

Hello again, friends. Oh, you say I’ve made the mistake of being to casual before. You’ll have to excuse me. I have a terrible brain problem.

Regardless, I don’t know if you knew but I make videos, too. Normally I just post them to YouTube or what not but today I submitted one of my newest ones to Funny or Die. So won’t you please watch and vote positively for it? Don’t worry more Lou reading is coming right up on it’s normal schedule.

In the meantime please watch this and vote.

Hey. Have you been thinking lately that it would be a great idea for your wife to have sex with another man while you watched and were demeaned? Are you thinking about letting someone else get your wife pregnant so you can feel humiliated while also ensuring she comes off looking like a whore? Need some advice about how to keep your groin parts clean when you’re wearing that male chastity belt? Well then you’ve probably already found yourself a home over at Cuckold Place Forums. These guys have some serious issues and they just let the nonsense flow. Not for the weak at heart!

Oh lawdy! Oh Lawdy! Jesus is a-coming! You best be hoping you ready for the judgement day. Oh lawdy!

This is a lovely forum called Rapture Ready. It’s full of all kinds of End-of-Days type looneys. It won’t take very long for you to get what is wrong with these kooks. When they aren’t busy praying for the rapture to come and snatch them away from the evils of the world (and coincidentally the mortgage that is about to default.) They rail against imaginary Obama power grabs, why jews won’t just listen to the truths of the Bible and a host of other crap which makes them annoying as shit.

Lou Reads posts from the Rapture Ready Kooks

Hello, my internet friends. We are friends aren’t we. Oh… I see… I suppose I overstepped my boundaries. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again. Lets continue in a business-like manner, shall we. I’m glad you’re being big about this…

This week I am reading to you from a Something Awful thread entitled “Your Most Embarrassing Moment.” In it people share their lowest moments. These moments are often caused by the story teller being a big dummy and paying the price. As an added bonus this week I have included an unedited version of the carrot story from this podcast. I hope it will let you see that I really do have a hard time reading these things! Enjoy!

Frustrated at work? You’ll relate to these stories then. Listen and enjoy as these people share stories of their annoyance with roadblocks of redtape, stupid people and just plain retarded policies on the job.

Lou Reads Stories of Workplace Inefficiency

Yeah, I know, you didn’t need to know that this fetish existed and yet, here you are. This week I am reading from the Dragon Spot forum. It’s a place where people who are crazy for dragons and general animal roleplaying get together to talk about stuff they like…. Like VORE….

Vorarephilia (often misspelled voreaphilia or voraphilia because of their similar pronunciation), also known as phagophilia or simply called vore^[1] for short, is a sexual fetish and paraphilia where arousal occurs from the idea of being eaten, eating another, or watching this process.^[2][3] The fantasy may include digestion.^[3] The word vorarephilia is derived from the Latin vorare (to ‘swallow‘ or ‘devour’) and Ancient Greek φιλία (philia, ‘love‘). (Thanks Wikipedia for being the answer for all the worst things in life!)

My friend Finn feels that people who are into this fetish are just broken. Because there is nothing about being consumed alive or swallowing others that fits into the standard sexual realm. Sure, there is often sex involved, as you will soon hear, but seriously its almost always some interspecies rape thing that ends with one of the people being eaten. Also note that the eating is not always via the mouth. I’ll bet you didn’t know that cocks and assholes can eat people, too. Oh you didn’t know that? Thats because you are not an insane person. Please enjoy listening to the not mind safe insanity that is a click away!

Lou Reads about Vorarephilia

Please enjoy these two clips from a PBSKids thing I was asked to record for. Unlike with the James Patterson thing, when they asked for a scratch track and then used it for free on national television, I got paid for this one. I had recorded a scratch track for the client and they liked it but went off to get someone else to read it for them. I was just about to head home when I got a phone call from the recording studio. They hadn’t liked any of the talent they hired and the client wanted me to come in for a professional read. This is the result.

BIZARRE PBS KIDS

Hello, friends. This is a commercial I did a scratch VO for. That means I worked at a place and they asked me to record a track for timing. In theory later they’d hire someone to do the “Professional” voice over and pay that person a lot of money to do so. Well they decided to just air what I made and not pay me anything. I tried to get my boss to ask them for money but he didn’t want to rock the boat with the client. The spot ran every morning on the Today Show for like 2 weeks. Then suddenly it started popping up with someone else’s voice track. Then it was gone.

JAMES PATTERSON OWES ME MONEY!

Hey, you probably like to go to Six Flags now and then. Who doesn’t? Well no matter how hard you try to enjoy yourself at one of those places the fact of the matter is that you’re going to run into a substrata of human that you don’t normally encounter. These are the failures of humanity. People who just suck in an almost unfathomable way. Whether they are cutting the lines, talking shit about a pretty sunset or just being gross, dumb, ugly people fucking up your experience with their subhuman antics!…. Ahem… I seem to have gotten a little beyond the scope of this podcast. Anyway, these are a just a few of the stories included in the Something Awful comedy goldmine thread entitled “Failures of humanity witnessed at amusement parks”

Tales of Failures of Humanity at Amusement Parks

Some old book says “Love thy Brother” Maybe it was a bible of some sort. Wherever it came from I doubt they meant incest. Yes, you guessed it. This week is about the ultimate super nasty, mega-taboo topic of inter-familial sexual relations. Once again as a participant in the weekend web sojourn to the land of incest related forum reading I exposed myself to some seriously awful garbage and then recorded it for your grimacing pleasure. If these people are telling the truth then there is a lot more consensual incest going on that I thought. And I sincerely thought the number was like 0.0000000000000000000… there aren’t enough zeros really. Just imagine some kind of very long row of zeros going to the vanishing point and beyond the horizon there is a lonely number one. Alright, put your headphones on. This shit is gross!

EDIT: I just re-listened to this episode and it’s seriously insane. ENJOY!

JOURNEY TO THE INCEST ZONE

Howdy! How’ve you been? Me? Oh, I can’t complain I reckon. Since we last spoke I’ve been recording some quick one-off recordings from the Something Awful forums for a thread I was participating. We were looking for the best E/N (Everything / Nothing) threads and recording them for the hell of it. I made one from a thread called “Why do you feel shitty?” Within an hour another SA Goon had remixed what I did with a crazy Trent Reznor style beat. For all I know it may actually be Reznor. I’ve included both versions here. Please give’m both a listen. The remix is pretty cool!

WHY DO YOU FEEL SHITTY

Hey, who doesn’t like sitting in a pool of what may or may not be human pee? Well if you’re a normal person then not you. If you answered yes then you probably already know about the PeeSearch forum which is a meeting place for those who practice the yellow arts. Call it what you like. Wet games. Indoor Watersports. Getting a boner from getting pee’d on. Its all the same bent fetish. Luckily these people have a place to go to talk about their need to be all pee’ified. I made an ENHANCED PODCAST!!! So if you want to listen/watch in iTunes you can download the Enhanced version from iTunes or watch it here. Only care about the MP3? That’s here, too!

Craigslist is a scary place. Its full of people selling things and themselves. But mostly it seems like its a place for creepy people to hook up. I saw this posting on a thread and had to read it for you. Its short and totally not safe for work.

Chances are if you’ve eaten out at a restaurant you have had an awesome meal at least once. The kind of meal where everything comes together. Really delicious and not oversized appiteazer, savory main course and a lovely desert that you can share with your beloved. Of course this meal also ends in hot sex. But we all know that never happens… to anyone. Please don’t shatter my fantasy that this doesn’t happen… Anyway, these people were nice enough to share their more realistic tales of negative experiences at the local grub hole and I was nice enough to read it for you. So please enjoy!

Bad Restaurant Experiences

Of course everyone loves animals. Maybe you like to pet a dog here and there. Perhaps you like to make a kissy noise to get a cats attention. Offer a finger for it to smell and rub affectionately. Yes thats so nice. Yeah… these people don’t like that. They are pretty much only interested in fucking or being fucked by animals…. This will probably be another one of those podcasts you listen to and your mind makes you say “That can’t be real. Someone made that shit up.” I think you’ll see when you think about it that there is a sub-forum for people who write animal sex fiction. These stories lack the fiction writers appeal and word-craft. I like to imagine that I would be able to tell the difference between someone actively  wondering about fucking a dog over a jokester. Sadly, these stories ring true for the most part and that…. well that is super gross. I made an enhanced podcast for this one as well. If you want to download it and you watch it on iTunes you can see snippets from the actual forum I was reading from. Good times…. Bleh.  OH!!! I almost forgot there was a fisting sub-forum. Its really absurd. WHEEEEEEEE…

My friends Dustin and Dan are both very talented stand-up, sketch and improv comedians working in NYC. You’d think that living the life the last thing they’d want to do is talk about comedy some more. Yet, they do. On this episode the guys invited me over to discuss the fine art of crass comedy. Why? Because that’s really my forte. Give a listen. Its was a really fun thing to record.

Be sure to hit The Comedy Nerds on iTunes.

Kids are mean. Siblings are even meaner. In this update I read stories from the Something Awful forums as the members discuss their encounters both on the receiving and giving ends of youthful cruelty.

Siblings Are Mean

Sometimes I get invited to do other peoples shows. One such occasion came when I dropped in on the guys at The Flop House. We were watching the terrible film “Alien V Predator: Requiem” and then we talked about it. It was a good time!

Be sure to subscribe to The Flop House on iTunes when you get a chance. Its always a good listen.

whomever you are, you may be pro-drugs or against drugs but one thing everyone enjoys is a good story of a bad drug experience. Why? Because when someone tells you about a good drug experience you are either wishing you were them or too busy condeming them in your mind to really listen. With a bad drug experience every goes “Oh man, thats fucked up. I am glad I’m not you.” So everyone wins. The source of the read is Erowid. If you have a question about a drug you want to do thats a great place to go… I hear….

Please enjoy this random sampling of peoples personal bad drug trip experiences.

BAD DRUG TRIPS

I try not to be too informative but sometimes when you read something you just can’t help but learn or teach. Thats the case today. I really apologize if you happen to take something away from this listen. I mean it would really be awful if you exposed yourself to something new and had your pre-conceived notions challenged. Yeah, that would be terrible. Again, I apologize for your learning in advance. You should probably go do so some salvia afterwards to fix the whole learning problem.

Please enjoy this extra ENHANCED version of the audio with pictorial accompaniment. You can still listen to the classic one below if you don’t care.

For our second delightful reading for you I’d like to share the delights of the world of adult babies. Diaper Dreams is a forum which is for and about people who like baby-play. It’s pretty creepy to read about. I hope you enjoy listening to a few moments of their world. Again, I didn’t write any of this. I read it right off the screen.

If you like what you’re hearing make sure you subscribe to our RSS feed. If you want to listen in your iPod make sure you subscribe to the Podcast on iTunes. If you have anything you think I should read then leave a comment. And by all means tell all your friends over and over about how great these are.

ADULT DIAPER BABIES…

Hey there. My name is Lou. I’m hoping that you want to listen to something interesting today. Why? Well, because I have something interesting for you to listen to. Is it something you can listen to at work, on the train, in the car or anywhere really. This is of course if you can wear headphones. Except in the car. It’s illegal to wear headphones while you’re driving. If someone else is driving then go ahead and drown them out with my voice. You’ve earned it. Anyway, I’m going to be reading the interesting things I come across from the internet for you. I think it should be pretty entertaining and I hope you think so, too.

Lets get started with a delightful read from a forum dedicated to the love of farting. Yes, this is such a thing and if you think thats weird then you probably should get used to hearing stuff that you won’t believe is real. Please remember that I do not write these things. I just find the funniest, weirdest or woest stuff I can to read and do so.

FART LOVERS REJOICE