Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!
Giving Voice to the Things You Didn't Want to Hear About
Hello loyal friends! I just came across this threads at Something Awful. Some like minded guys have been reading ridiculous stories gay and non-gay (aka normal hetero sex) sex stories from Deviant Art. These are pretty absurd. But if you’re jonesin’ for some more hilariously dumb reading then check these out!
There are more but you’ll have to get them from the forum link. Hopefully you don’t need to have joined to see it. Sometimes you do…
Lou Reads update coming on Friday!
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This week I suggest you light up a big phat spliff and grab a big old handful of shrooms and melt into your couch as you listen to the fascinating tales of REAL LIFE POT SMOKERS! Yes, I decided to take a walk on the lighter side this week. Sometimes you gotta take a break from all the pedophiles and cuckolded, ruined men and read real true stories from people who just like to get a simple high. I just want you to know the only drug I was on during these recording was procrastination and sleep deprivation. In the future maybe I will use some kind of foreign substance to make the podcast recording more entertaining for myself. Then again I have a hard enough time reading a lot of this stuff without laughing already…. So maybe just Nitrous Oxide?
LOU READS: Grass City Forums. 420 Bro! Haw haw! What?
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Yeah, I know, you didn’t need to know that this fetish existed and yet, here you are. This week I am reading from the Dragon Spot forum. It’s a place where people who are crazy for dragons and general animal roleplaying get together to talk about stuff they like…. Like VORE….
Vorarephilia (often misspelled voreaphilia or voraphilia because of their similar pronunciation), also known as phagophilia or simply called vore[1] for short, is a sexual fetish and paraphilia where arousal occurs from the idea of being eaten, eating another, or watching this process.[2][3] The fantasy may include digestion.[3] The word vorarephilia is derived from the Latin vorare (to ‘swallow‘ or ‘devour’) and Ancient Greek φιλία (philia, ‘love‘). (Thanks Wikipedia for being the answer for all the worst things in life!)
My friend Finn feels that people who are into this fetish are just broken. Because there is nothing about being consumed alive or swallowing others that fits into the standard sexual realm. Sure, there is often sex involved, as you will soon hear, but seriously its almost always some interspecies rape thing that ends with one of the people being eaten. Also note that the eating is not always via the mouth. I’ll bet you didn’t know that cocks and assholes can eat people, too. Oh you didn’t know that? Thats because you are not an insane person. Please enjoy listening to the not mind safe insanity that is a click away!
Lou Reads about Vorarephilia
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Please enjoy these two clips from a PBSKids thing I was asked to record for. Unlike with the James Patterson thing, when they asked for a scratch track and then used it for free on national television, I got paid for this one. I had recorded a scratch track for the client and they liked it but went off to get someone else to read it for them. I was just about to head home when I got a phone call from the recording studio. They hadn’t liked any of the talent they hired and the client wanted me to come in for a professional read. This is the result.
BIZARRE PBS KIDS
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Hello, friends. This is a commercial I did a scratch VO for. That means I worked at a place and they asked me to record a track for timing. In theory later they’d hire someone to do the “Professional” voice over and pay that person a lot of money to do so. Well they decided to just air what I made and not pay me anything. I tried to get my boss to ask them for money but he didn’t want to rock the boat with the client. The spot ran every morning on the Today Show for like 2 weeks. Then suddenly it started popping up with someone else’s voice track. Then it was gone.
JAMES PATTERSON OWES ME MONEY!
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Hey, you probably like to go to Six Flags now and then. Who doesn’t? Well no matter how hard you try to enjoy yourself at one of those places the fact of the matter is that you’re going to run into a substrata of human that you don’t normally encounter. These are the failures of humanity. People who just suck in an almost unfathomable way. Whether they are cutting the lines, talking shit about a pretty sunset or just being gross, dumb, ugly people fucking up your experience with their subhuman antics!…. Ahem… I seem to have gotten a little beyond the scope of this podcast. Anyway, these are a just a few of the stories included in the Something Awful comedy goldmine thread entitled “Failures of humanity witnessed at amusement parks”
Tales of Failures of Humanity at Amusement Parks
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Howdy! How’ve you been? Me? Oh, I can’t complain I reckon. Since we last spoke I’ve been recording some quick one-off recordings from the Something Awful forums for a thread I was participating. We were looking for the best E/N (Everything / Nothing) threads and recording them for the hell of it. I made one from a thread called “Why do you feel shitty?” Within an hour another SA Goon had remixed what I did with a crazy Trent Reznor style beat. For all I know it may actually be Reznor. I’ve included both versions here. Please give’m both a listen. The remix is pretty cool!
WHY DO YOU FEEL SHITTY
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Hey, who doesn’t like sitting in a pool of what may or may not be human pee? Well if you’re a normal person then not you. If you answered yes then you probably already know about the PeeSearch forum which is a meeting place for those who practice the yellow arts. Call it what you like. Wet games. Indoor Watersports. Getting a boner from getting pee’d on. Its all the same bent fetish. Luckily these people have a place to go to talk about their need to be all pee’ified. I made an ENHANCED PODCAST!!! So if you want to listen/watch in iTunes you can download the Enhanced version from iTunes or watch it here. Only care about the MP3? That’s here, too!
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Craigslist is a scary place. Its full of people selling things and themselves. But mostly it seems like its a place for creepy people to hook up. I saw this posting on a thread and had to read it for you. Its short and totally not safe for work.
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Chances are if you’ve eaten out at a restaurant you have had an awesome meal at least once. The kind of meal where everything comes together. Really delicious and not oversized appiteazer, savory main course and a lovely desert that you can share with your beloved. Of course this meal also ends in hot sex. But we all know that never happens… to anyone. Please don’t shatter my fantasy that this doesn’t happen… Anyway, these people were nice enough to share their more realistic tales of negative experiences at the local grub hole and I was nice enough to read it for you. So please enjoy!
Bad Restaurant Experiences