Funny Stories – Page 3 – Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Lou Reads from the Discussions at Virgin-Forums

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Ah, the shame of being a virgin. That awful secret that you haven’t gotten some dummy to let you put your penis in them or given up the nappy dug-out to some chump on a camping trip. What a super awful time in life! Well, that is unless you’re super proud of your choice to not have fun teenage sex, like the people at Virgin-Forum.com. This is a site for people who are virgins, and sometimes not, to get together and talk about their virginity or lack there-of.

A very 9/11 virgin message. PS: I am offering deflowering services on demand.

Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoy all that post virginity sex you’re all having.

Lou Reads – Anonymous Confessions from 2005

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Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait... yeah, that's fucked up. — Jeez, kid. Thats all you did? Spice up your life a little! Oh, wait… yeah, that’s fucked up.

This episode is drawn straight from the Comedy Goldmine threads from the Something Awful archives. It features en-edited confessions that were sent in anonymously by the members of the Something Awful forums. I hope you enjoy it. The titles pretty much says it all!

On and by the way….

Lou Reads ep119: Dumb Things Done on Drugs

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I hope you find it a breath of fresh air after the last episodes anal destruction theme. I promise no anal anything this episode. If you want to do some anal stuff while you listen that is your God damn business! This episode is basically people sharing dumb stuff they’ve done on drugs. I don’t have much to say about it beyond that. Maybe, just “Thanks to all the drug users out there who are so wonderfully open about sharing their experiences on the internet.”

I think I'm handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue! — I think I’m handling my heroin habit pretty well. No one has a clue!

I hope you enjoy it. You may enjoy it more if you are on drugs.

Lou Reads Stories of Hooking Up with Celebrities from Groupies (from AskReddit)

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I have never had sex with a famous person but these people (claim to) have… The closest I think I got was harassing Siouxsie Sioux at a bar once. Wait, there was never any chance of me having sex with her. I was just bugging her.

People like to have sex because it fun. But sex with a famous person is so much better, right? Well, the people in these stories proudly claim to have been with famous people, in a biblical way. Or at least they claim to know a person who knows a person…. Well, all that matters is they shared stories. You can choose to believe them or not. I believe everything I read about John Mayer. Enjoy.

Lou Reads Interview on Digital Gonzo

Hey everyone, about a month or so ago I was interviewed by Alex Shaw for the Digital Gonzo podcast. We discuss the origin of the podcast and all manner of topics. I had a great time doing it so if you’re interested in a casual chat with me then give’r a listen!

Blog post with description -> HERE
Direct Download -> HERE

Lou Reads Tales of Phenazepam Drug Trip Nightmares

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Ok, so you got your hands on a not-yet-illegal, mega-effective, pharmaceutical grade benzodiazapine. This stuff is so powerful that it makes you forget you took it so you keep taking it until you black out and lose days at a time. So what do you do with it? Why, you just jump right in there. Why not? Sounds awesome, right? Well, unluckily for the people in this episode they basically did just that. Luckily for us, however, they decided to share it on the internet. So, please enjoy these stories of reckless drug adventuring from the pages of The Drug Forum, Erowid & Bluelight. If, after hearing this episode, you think to yourself, “Gosh, I don’t know, that doesn’t sound so bad. Maybe I’ll look into getting some!”, Please seek professional help. Also please try some Krokodil because you’re an idiot.

I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I'm different that the other dummies! — I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I’m going to roll the dice with this really awesome drug! See you in prison!

Lou Reads Tales of Things You Did as a Kid That You’re Ashamed Of

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Look… I know what you did so you should probably just admit it. I mean it will be better than carrying around that guilt with you for years until you share it on a forum on the internet.

DID YOU STEAL MY PICKLE PUSS GUM? YOU ASSHOLE!

In this episode you’ll hearing people recounting things they did a children that they are ashamed of. Some of the them trivial, some of the gross and some that maybe seem a little fake… I hope this episode triggers some sort of cathartic truth telling adventure for you in your own life. Isn’t it about time you confessed to that murder? No? Okay, then.

Lou Reads from AskReddit “Where Is the Worst Place You Ever Took a Shit”

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Sorry folks! I’m breaking my long running streak of classy, high-brow topics and delving in the gut churning topic of emergency pooping. As a semi-reformed IBS sufferer its a subject near & dear to my heart.

doodie.com

My only caveat to this episode is that some of peoples stories actually seem like poop stories that they are really proud of. I guess maybe they were non-optimal pooping places but they come off kind of braggy… Whatever. If you’re interesting in reading all 6000+ posts about poop please feel free to check it out here.

Reddit, what is the worst place that you have taken a shit?

Lou Reads about Sucky Christmas Presents from the Something Awful Forums

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“Look, its not that I didn’t like what you bought for, per se. It’s more that your choice of gift shows me that you don’t know me at all and its making me sad.” If you’ve thought something like this at Christmas then this is the podcast episode for you! Won’t you join me as I read from the collected sharings of the Something Awful community in a thread about times they received sucky presents for the Holidays. If this all sounds familiar it may because I did a similar episode about Terrible Xmas Presents in 2010. Look, it was two years ago… Lets hope that was enough time!

Here you go, Fatty. Stop being such a whiny bitch & read these self-help books. Merry Christmas, Asshole.

As promised here is that video that was linked in the original post.

Lou Reads minisode: How Can I Become a Juggalo?

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Just stopping in to drop off a little minisode for you. This was a recording done for a fan of the podcast. It was requested as a birthday gift. I figure since this was recorded in April it might be okay to share by now.

blog-juggalo_baby — Be sure to finish all your faygo, little ninja.

If you want a recording for your friends birthday please let me know! More full length episodes coming soon!