Mini Lou Reads: The Commercial I Did

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Hello, friends. This is a commercial I did a scratch VO for. That means I worked at a place and they asked me to record a track for timing. In theory later they’d hire someone to do the “Professional” voice over and pay that person a lot of money to do so. Well they decided to just air what I made and not pay me anything. I tried to get my boss to ask them for money but he didn’t want to rock the boat with the client. The spot ran every morning on the Today Show for like 2 weeks. Then suddenly it started popping up with someone else’s voice track. Then it was gone.

JAMES PATTERSON OWES ME MONEY!

Lou Reads about Amusement Park Revulsion

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Hey, you probably like to go to Six Flags now and then. Who doesn’t? Well no matter how hard you try to enjoy yourself at one of those places the fact of the matter is that you’re going to run into a substrata of human that you don’t normally encounter. These are the failures of humanity. People who just suck in an almost unfathomable way. Whether they are cutting the lines, talking shit about a pretty sunset or just being gross, dumb, ugly people fucking up your experience with their subhuman antics!…. Ahem… I seem to have gotten a little beyond the scope of this podcast. Anyway, these are a just a few of the stories included in the Something Awful comedy goldmine thread entitled “Failures of humanity witnessed at amusement parks”

Tales of Failures of Humanity at Amusement Parks


Lou Reads: Incest at It’s Very Best…

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Some old book says “Love thy Brother” Maybe it was a bible of some sort. Wherever it came from I doubt they meant incest. Yes, you guessed it. This week is about the ultimate super nasty, mega-taboo topic of inter-familial sexual relations. Once again as a participant in the weekend web sojourn to the land of incest related forum reading I exposed myself to some seriously awful garbage and then recorded it for your grimacing pleasure. If these people are telling the truth then there is a lot more consensual incest going on that I thought. And I sincerely thought the number was like 0.0000000000000000000… there aren’t enough zeros really. Just imagine some kind of very long row of zeros going to the vanishing point and beyond the horizon there is a lonely number one. Alright, put your headphones on. This shit is gross!

EDIT: I just re-listened to this episode and it’s seriously insane. ENJOY!

JOURNEY TO THE INCEST ZONE

Lou Reads: E/N Forums with Remix

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Howdy! How’ve you been? Me? Oh, I can’t complain I reckon. Since we last spoke I’ve been recording some quick one-off recordings from the Something Awful forums for a thread I was participating. We were looking for the best E/N (Everything / Nothing) threads and recording them for the hell of it. I made one from a thread called “Why do you feel shitty?” Within an hour another SA Goon had remixed what I did with a crazy Trent Reznor style beat. For all I know it may actually be Reznor. I’ve included both versions here. Please give’m both a listen. The remix is pretty cool!

WHY DO YOU FEEL SHITTY

Lou Reads from the PeeSearch Forums

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Hey, who doesn’t like sitting in a pool of what may or may not be human pee? Well if you’re a normal person then not you. If you answered yes then you probably already know about the PeeSearch forum which is a meeting place for those who practice the yellow arts. Call it what you like. Wet games. Indoor Watersports. Getting a boner from getting pee’d on. Its all the same bent fetish. Luckily these people have a place to go to talk about their need to be all pee’ified. I made an ENHANCED PODCAST!!! So if you want to listen/watch in iTunes you can download the Enhanced version from iTunes or watch it here. Only care about the MP3? That’s here, too!

Mini-Lou Reads: Craigslist

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Craigslist is a scary place. Its full of people selling things and themselves. But mostly it seems like its a place for creepy people to hook up. I saw this posting on a thread and had to read it for you. Its short and totally not safe for work.

Lou Reads about Bad Restaurant Experiences

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Chances are if you’ve eaten out at a restaurant you have had an awesome meal at least once. The kind of meal where everything comes together. Really delicious and not oversized appiteazer, savory main course and a lovely desert that you can share with your beloved. Of course this meal also ends in hot sex. But we all know that never happens… to anyone. Please don’t shatter my fantasy that this doesn’t happen… Anyway, these people were nice enough to share their more realistic tales of negative experiences at the local grub hole and I was nice enough to read it for you. So please enjoy!

Bad Restaurant Experiences


Lou Reads about Animal Lovers & Fisting

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Of course everyone loves animals. Maybe you like to pet a dog here and there. Perhaps you like to make a kissy noise to get a cats attention. Offer a finger for it to smell and rub affectionately. Yes thats so nice. Yeah… these people don’t like that. They are pretty much only interested in fucking or being fucked by animals…. This will probably be another one of those podcasts you listen to and your mind makes you say “That can’t be real. Someone made that shit up.” I think you’ll see when you think about it that there is a sub-forum for people who write animal sex fiction. These stories lack the fiction writers appeal and word-craft. I like to imagine that I would be able to tell the difference between someone actively  wondering about fucking a dog over a jokester. Sadly, these stories ring true for the most part and that…. well that is super gross. I made an enhanced podcast for this one as well. If you want to download it and you watch it on iTunes you can see snippets from the actual forum I was reading from. Good times…. Bleh.  OH!!! I almost forgot there was a fisting sub-forum. Its really absurd. WHEEEEEEEE…

Lou talks about Crass Comedy

My friends Dustin and Dan are both very talented stand-up, sketch and improv comedians working in NYC. You’d think that living the life the last thing they’d want to do is talk about comedy some more. Yet, they do. On this episode the guys invited me over to discuss the fine art of crass comedy. Why? Because that’s really my forte. Give a listen. Its was a really fun thing to record.

The Comedy Nerds

Be sure to hit The Comedy Nerds on iTunes.

Lou Reads about Mean Siblings

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Kids are mean. Siblings are even meaner. In this update I read stories from the Something Awful forums as the members discuss their encounters both on the receiving and giving ends of youthful cruelty.

Siblings Are Mean