Lou Reads Black Friday Nightmares from AskReddit

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Hey, 2013 is over! The holiday season is over! What better time than now to look back at the experiences of the retail workers who had to deal with insane shoppers on Black Friday! Ok, I agree. Anytime would have been fine. I picked now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!! Here’s hoping to another year full of internet bizarreness and other related silly pursuits!

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If you’re interested you can find the original Reddit thread here.

Thanks for listening!

Lou Reads Stories of Hooking Up with Celebrities from Groupies (from AskReddit)

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I have never had sex with a famous person but these people (claim to) have… The closest I think I got was harassing Siouxsie Sioux at a bar once. Wait, there was never any chance of me having sex with her. I was just bugging her.

GroupiePeople like to have sex because it fun. But sex with a famous person is so much better, right? Well, the people in these stories proudly claim to have been with famous people, in a biblical way. Or at least they claim to know a person who knows a person…. Well, all that matters is they shared stories. You can choose to believe them or not. I believe everything I read about John Mayer. Enjoy.

Lou Reads ep115: True Stories of Emergency Medical Service Workers

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Hey, next time your pondering taking that razor blade swallowing bet your friends dared you to do, or you’re about to impale yourself with a giant dildo while on your Lil’ Rascal Scooter, take a moment to think of the men and women who work in the local emergency medical services world. Is your stupidity going to make them have to come over to your house and save your stupid ass? Probably… And then guess what! The story of how they had to come and save you is going to end up on the internet! Yup!

I like to imagine this is an emergency related to the the circus... Tsk tsk Mr. Barnum.
I like to imagine this is an emergency related to the the circus… Tsk tsk Mr. Barnum.

This episode is chok’ful of true stories related by the EMS workers of the Something Awful forums. I think that speaks enough for itself. I hope you enjoy it.

Sincerely,
Lou

Lou Reads Interview on Digital Gonzo

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Hey everyone, about a month or so ago I was interviewed by Alex Shaw for the Digital Gonzo podcast. We discuss the origin of the podcast and all manner of topics. I had a great time doing it so if you’re interested in a casual chat with me then give’r a listen!

Blog post with description -> HERE
Direct Download -> HERE

Lou Reads about The Demons that Cause Wet Dreams.

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I have no words for how silly this episode is. Look, if you think that your nocturnal emissions, wet dreams, night-spooges, etc… are caused by filthy spirits touching your boy/girl parts, then you should probably get professional help. But, if you don’t want to see a brain doctor then go right on ahead to the dumbness known as Stronghold of Satan. There you’ll find many posts on all manner of silly, bible based views of the world.

I wonder how many portals this demon has come through?
I wonder how many portals this demon has come through?

Well, sorry if I’m wrong about the whole demon-sex thing being really, really, really silly. Because basically if its true, you’re all doomed to constant filthy, ghost sleep-rape just from listening to my podcast… You’re welcome? *shrug*

Lou Reads Tales of Phenazepam Drug Trip Nightmares

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Ok, so you got your hands on a not-yet-illegal, mega-effective, pharmaceutical grade benzodiazapine. This stuff is so powerful that it makes you forget you took it so you keep taking it until you black out and lose days at a time. So what do you do with it? Why, you just jump right in there. Why not? Sounds awesome, right? Well, unluckily for the people in this episode they basically did just that. Luckily for us, however, they decided to share it on the internet. So, please enjoy these stories of reckless drug adventuring from the pages of The Drug Forum, Erowid & Bluelight. If, after hearing this episode, you think to yourself, “Gosh, I don’t know, that doesn’t sound so bad. Maybe I’ll look into getting some!”, Please seek professional help. Also please try some Krokodil because you’re an idiot.

I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I'm different that the other dummies!
I know all the anecdotal evidence says this is a bad idea but I think I’m going to roll the dice with this really awesome drug! See you in prison!

Lou Reads from The NiceGuy (Men Going Their Own Way) Forums

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This week I’m reading from the forums of The-Niceguy.com. If you really don’t like American women then you are going to enjoy this episode. If you ARE an American woman then… why are so terrible? Ask yourself that! Well, if you don’t want to do your introspection this forum and it’s fed-up-with-feminism members will be happy to explain it to and your tiny, selfish brain.

That's why marital rape laws should be abolished, AMIRITE?!?!
That’s why marital rape laws should be abolished, AMIRITE?!?!

Lou Reads Ladyboy Pattay Forum

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Who hasn’t been intrigued by the mysteries of the Third Sex. Of course I’m talking about those mysterious, curvy women whose panties conceal a hidden wang. Oh the allure of the being with a woman whose big old shlong you go down on and have enter you. Why wouldn’t everyone prefer that? What’s that you say? Oh, hardly anyone is into this? Huh.. well go figure….

These dudes will probably fuck you... If you're into that kind of thing...
These dudes will probably fuck you… If you’re into that kind of thing…

So this episode I went to the forums of the Pattaya Ladyboys Forum. It’s a place where men who love woMEN from all of the globe get together to talk about their unusual obsession. I’ll admit that in reading this forum I saw A LOT of naked ladyboys. You know what? Some of them really look like chicks until your eyes wander low enough to see their big old dongs. If you are into that… I guess I’m glad there is a place for you go and talk to other weirds about it. No judgements… (weird).

Lou Reads Tales of Things You Did as a Kid That You’re Ashamed Of

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Look… I know what you did so you should probably just admit it. I mean it will be better than carrying around that guilt with you for years until you share it on a forum on the internet.

DID YOU STEAL MY PICKLE PUSS GUM? YOU ASSHOLE!
DID YOU STEAL MY PICKLE PUSS GUM? YOU ASSHOLE!
In this episode you’ll hearing people recounting things they did a children that they are ashamed of. Some of the them trivial, some of the gross and some that maybe seem a little fake… I hope this episode triggers some sort of cathartic truth telling adventure for you in your own life. Isn’t it about time you confessed to that murder? No? Okay, then.