Lou Reads: Stories of Awkward Sex Times (NSFW)

I can't believe that condom was still inside me...

You’re probably like, “Why you gotta do another sex podcast, you pervert.” Look, I am old. So fucking old. I am living vicariously through you good people and all your fucky sucky stories. Even the ones where things go terribly wrong. At least then I come out a winner because even though I am not having sex* at least it isn’t the terrible awkward kind these people are having. Once again I’m delving into the wonderful world of the Something Awful forums to share what they have shared with the world. As always, the Goons spin some of the best yarns around! Won’t you please enjoy the Stories of Awkward Sexual Encounters.

*Authors note: I have had sex recently. It was not awkward.

** Double Authors note: Also, I was just listening to this podcast at work and discovered that people tend not to like hearing about sex in general, in public. Oh society, when will you catch up with me? Get crackalackin!

Lou Reads: Witch Forums. Spirit Attacks and Ouija Boards, OH MY!

So you wanted another podcast even though I’ve been sick? So Mote it Be! This week I delved into the wonderful world of  Witchcraft at WitchForum.Net. This is another of the fabulous forum featuring people who happen to actually appear to believe they are doing magic. Luckily we are spared the bloody mess of the Lucky Mojo Forums read. But that doesn’t mean it gets any less stupid.

Disney must not sue!
Boil boil toil and... this is going to taste terrible.

In high school my girlfriend was into Wicca and being the asshole I was back then I never missed a chance to mock and scorn it. Later in life I felt regret for being as asshole about the whole thing. After reading this forum I don’t quite feel so bad anymore. These people are nuts! Through her Wicca connections I met a another Wiccan kid in high school who proudly claimed he gave one of the guys in Duran Duran a blowjob so you know that magic works! Well, if you’re ready to listen to the podcast then cast a protection circle around your headphones and imagine your sanity in an orange aura of serenity. You’re gonna need it!


ALSO! Listen all the way to the end of the podcast to hear the details of how to get my Lou Reads special give away! What is it? ITS A MAGNET THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!

Try not to hurt yourself running to get one!

Won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of WitchForum.net

Sorry friends, I’ve been sick.

Sorry for the delay in podcastings. I’ve been saddled with some crazy upper respiratory bug for a goll-durn week. To top it off it was my birthday this weekend. Perhaps unwisely I managed to have a party with the help of codeine cough syrup (yes prescribed) and  sudafed. I returned to work this morning and got hit with some shitty fever and more coughing so I’m going home. So this has precluded my recording and editing. I did record something last night as a test. It is comically ill sounding. I will probably post it anyway.

Sick boy with a paige boy cut. Sexy.
I shouldn't have licked that tramp on a bet.

Stay tuned, though. Because I ordered some stuff to give away from Vista Print. I’ll put details about how to get your grub net paws on this stuff in the next podcast. If you have suggestions for other things I might give away feel free to comment on this post or on the facebook fan page.