Lou Reads: The Best of Craigslist Top 100

When I think of the wonders of craigslist I usually think of this type of encounter:

Hey, you know how we agreed on that price I was going to pay for you guitar amp? Well, I’m kind of a little short. Do you mind if I give you less than we agreed because I am a faking asshole who is trying to cheat you at the last minute? Cool, I figured you just wanted to get rid of it bad enough to take whatever. Hardy har har. Bye, chump!

Well, lo and behold I have come across the greatness of the of the best of craigslist top 100. I don’t know how they come up with this list. Not that it’s unknowable, I just haven’t bothered to look it up. What I do know is that there is a lot of funny crap happening there. So won’t you please enjoy my reading of the Best of Craigslist!

LOU READS: The Best of Craigslist Top 100

Mini Lou Reads: The Flophouse Movie Minute

It’s been a while since I was on The Flophouse Podcast so when I got a chance to contribute I jumped right in. Head flophouser, Dan McCoy, told me he was inspired by my corny announcer read that I did for the Large Penis Support Group and wanted to make his own version. I offered to do it and the rest is internet history. Surely you felt the paradigm shift when I hit save on the voice over file.

I Present to you “The Flophouse Movie Minute #28: Criterion Collection” Be sure to check out some of their other full length podcasts. They do a really funny job reviewing bad movies.

New full length Lou Reads coming on Friday! I know! Try to look more relaxed. People are starting to stare.

Lou Reads: Stories of People Who Can’t Handle Their Weed

Dudes and dudettes,

How many times have you had to have this conversation with your significant other?

“Oh man, I don’t want your cousin coming over tonight. Why? Because I just got some amazing weed and I want to try out this sweet new bubbler pipe thingy. Are you kidding me? No he can’t have some. Don’t you remember? He’s going to want to have some of this sticky-icky dank bud and you know he can’t handle his weed!”

I’m sorry if I am opening up old wounds. There is hardly anything worse than dealing with people who can’t handle their weed. It’s even worse than watching your dog get run over (This is my way of apologizing to you about that one time, mom). Okay, maybe watching something you love die is worse. But its definitely annoying to say the least to have someone who can’t handle their smoke start acting a fool and harshing your mellow.

Join me then, won’t you, as I regale you with tales of marijuana smoking sessions gone wrong. These true tales offered up once again by the lovely people of the internet for your listening pleasure.

STORIES OF PEOPLE WHO CAN’T HANDLE THEIR WEED: EDIT FIXED 8/3/09 – RE-FIXED 4/15/2011

Lou Reads: The Large Penis Support Group

Look, of all people, I know what a burden it can be to have an extremely large penis. I mean, the word large is not even descriptive enough to really do it justice. Is there even a word? Gi-dong-gantulous? I would post pics but its kind of like looking at the sun. You should really only do it with protective gear involved. I digress.

The Large Penis Support Group is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a forum for men with large peens to get together and talk about the wonderful world of giant dong-dom. Of course there are some women in the mix too. For who is the receiver of all this oversized beef? Oh, right, all the gay guys on the forum. Well there are some ladies on there, too. I didn’t read any of their posts but they are on there. I assure you… Anyway, once again I joined with the SA Goons to explore the depths of the silliness of this forum and we came up with some gems. Won’t you please enjoy my reading of the LPSG.

On note: I decided to break out of the mold and read this site in the style of a over-the-top morning DJ so it’s EXTRA stupid but also made me laugh quite a bit. Let me know what you think.

LOU READS: LARGE PENIS SUPPORT GROUP (CORNY READ)

Like Minded Folks Reading Dumb Stuff!

Hello loyal friends! I just came across this threads at Something Awful. Some like minded guys have been reading ridiculous stories gay and non-gay (aka normal hetero sex) sex stories from Deviant Art. These are pretty absurd. But if you’re jonesin’ for some more hilariously dumb reading then check these out!

There are more but you’ll have to get them from the forum link. Hopefully you don’t need to have joined to see it. Sometimes you do…

Lou Reads update coming on Friday!

Lou Reads: Litrotica – 100% Free (Gross) Sex Stories

Hey did you say are looking for a place to share your story ideas? You know the ones. The really sexy story ideas… Come on. Don’t be shy. Your stories about all the intergenerational incest and pooping and peeing and the corrupted sex and… Oh, that wasn’t you? Huh. I could have sworn it was you. Well then why the hell did I got to the Litrotica forum? Oh right, I went there as another foray of the weekend web a few months ago and so I could do a podcast about it. Thats right. Well if you ever do want to write those kind of stories Litrotica is your kind of place. Anyway, since I thought it was for you I wrote some stories in the vein and I thought… oh… you don’t want to read them? Well I’ll just shoot them to your email and you know, if you’re bored or something…

Litrotica is a fast moving community of erotic storytellers and life-livers. Won’t you please listen as I recount some of the wondrous things I found there? Oh the joy!

Litrotica: Its not erotic stories about being really drunk or high.

Lou Reads: The Bug Chaser Forums

Happy Independence Day, America! Try not to blow off your fingers!

Surely as a netizen of the cyberness you’ve come across the term “Poz My Neg Ass.” What do you mean you haven’t? Oh, I forget. You have a life and don’t spend every waking hour thinking about the computer. Anyway…

What we have here is a forum for gay men who have or want to have HIV/AIDS. According to Wikipedia:

Bugchasing (or bug chasing) is a LGBT slang term for a subculture of Homosexual men who actively pursue HIV infection.

Bugchasers seek sexual partners who are HIV positive for the purpose of having unprotected sex and sero-convertinggiftgivers (also gift givers) are HIV positive men who comply with the bugchaser’s efforts to become infected with HIV.

Yup. Thats right. These people want to get HIV. Once they get it they feel free to have all the anonymous bareback (aka unprotected) sex they can handle with other HIV+ dudes. Now, as you’ll hear some of them aren’t just contented to simply have HIV and give it to people who want it. No, they actively seek to infect people with HIV through deceit or force. Oh what a wondrous world we live in, eh?

Well strap your brain down, put the headphones on and get ready to wave off everyone who asks “Why do you have that horrible expression on your face.” They are really better not knowing. If you want to see the work that went into finding some of the best quotes from that site then check out the Something Awful Weekend Web where I found these items to read. This forum caused some of the hardcorest weekend web guys to cringe and refuse to take part. Be glad I didn’t back down! Now, on to the ear hole destruction!

Lou Reads: Bareback Exchange Bugchasers Forum